AIBU to think if your Daughter was grieving you would ring her?

(88 Posts)
puzzled365 Sun 12-May-13 18:41:20

I have name changed because the topic may out me in RL!
If your Daughter's Husband died recently and she was alone with small children, would you ring every day to check they were OK?
Just genuinely wonder if that's the way to go or to let them ask for help?

rabbitlady Sun 12-May-13 22:33:37

she's my baby. i hope such a thing wouldn't happen but if it did i'd want to be there in whatever way she wanted.

when my marriage broke up, my previously unsupportive parents phoned me every day for over six months. usually my mum, but on the couple of occasions she couldn't make it, my dad rang. considering he rarely spoke, to have a fifteen-minute or more chat with his then-28 year old daughter was really something. i remember that now, when i visit my mum in her nursing home and speak to my dad every day on the phone, to make sure he has someone with whom he can share his worries.

i also remember that when i was three years old and had measles very badly, my mother sat with me in a darkened room, holding my hand, for three weeks. there's been a lot of bad stuff between that i don't bother to mention.

i don't know what your position is. i haven't read the whole thread. i think you might be the bereaved daughter, but you could be the mum.

whatever the case, i am sorry for the loss of a husband, father, and son-in-law and hope that support is forthcoming.

exoticfruits Sun 12-May-13 22:44:49

The poem is very true MumnGran. Telling a bereaved person they can call you is really no help at all.

independentfriend Sun 12-May-13 23:14:52

My advice: look for help somewhere else, if your parents aren't helping in useful ways. Yes it sucks, but your parents can't be changed and they're clearly not being supportive in a way that actually helps.

So, friends, colleagues, charities (maybe Winston's wish?) etc.

puzzled365 Mon 13-May-13 09:18:12

Making progress this am. I have made an appointment with GP to see if there's any help available. Also making a plan of which bit of 'stuff' to deal with first: taxman, solicitors, coroner,house sale, kids schooling, winding up business etc etc etc! Itseems never ending at the moment, but I know this at least has got to end and the next stage of our lives will happen anyway. Thanks to you all again for giving me the chance to 'speak' about my frustrations. Xx

fromparistoberlin Mon 13-May-13 09:25:09

I am so sorry puzzled

there is nowt as queer as folk. and no, you not needy. not at all. My Mum is lovely but she can be crap like this too!

Take each day at a time, write losts of lists and be very realisttic about what you can get done

all my love XXXXXX

FadBook Mon 13-May-13 09:25:50

All the best puzzled we're all here for you
smile

NotTreadingGrapes Mon 13-May-13 09:27:57

Sorry for your loss OP.

Holding your hand here too. xx

MTBMummy Mon 13-May-13 09:29:37

Hi Puzzled, in S Oxon if you need any support x

When my father died, I rang my mother every day for a year. That's after the part where I went straight down the next day to stay with her and help with the arrangements.

Puzzled - my deepest sympathies for your loss - I wish more than anything, I could give you a hug right now.

Areyoumadorisitme Mon 13-May-13 09:52:42

Just seen this. Very sorry for your loss.

As an aside, depending on what the business is, you may be able to sell it as a going concern which will save you winding it down and may net you some money. Worth a chat with an accountant or someone in the industry.

Keep strong and take care of yourself as well as the DC.

DeWe Mon 13-May-13 10:08:50

Just to put a different spin on it.
I love my dm very much, but her phoning every day to see how I was would get me down. I'd feel things like I couldn't go for an early night in case she phoned and worried because I didn't answer the phone and things like that.
I need time on my own to work things through sometimes, and it would make me feel pressured to have to speak to someone, even someone as close as my mum, every day. When things are tough, I don't work through them by talking to people. I go inside me and work it through there.
I wouldn't feel I could say to her please don't phone, as I'd know she would be worrying about me being on my own.

So I don't know that I would phone every day. Because I know that wouldn't be what I would want. If my dd said that was what she wanted then I would be more than happy to. But it wouldn't show a lack of care or love that I didn't.
I hope that makes sense.

Sorry for your loss.

Jestrin Mon 13-May-13 20:18:36

Sorry for your loss OP

So sorry for your loss. sad life can really suck sad

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