To still feel upset and a bit confused about this incident?(80 Posts)
Went out for a meal with some acquaintances the other night. Had a nice time and got to know one or two new people. Whilst I was talking to one woman, someone's Mum, in the middle of a conversation she said to me "You're a bitch!". I genuinely had/have no idea where that came from. I didn't want any confrontation and didn't respond at all. Later on, when she was saying goodbye to her daughter, I was right next to her and she said, very loudly "She's a bitch!". I still don't know what I might have said to offend and honestly don't think I said anything. This lady lives some way away but I live close to her daughter. I want to text the daughter to ask what I have done. I don't want to fall out with anyone but I have now been bothered about this for a few days, can't seem to let it go. I would really like to ask what I did and to explain that I think this woman perhaps misunderstood or misinterpreted something I said. I loathe the word bitch and am probably reacting more because of this word than if she had used another one. Please talk me through this!
No she set up the confrontation by calling you a bitch.
But I would try and let it go now - you didn't respond at the time, so what is the point in speculating...?
What were you talking about the first time m when she interrupted you to call you that?
Do you remember what the conversation was, when she said it the first time?
It may have been in direct response to a comment you made.
If someone in a group I was with was saying that and the person they were saying it to was just sat there in a shocked and embarrassed silence, I'd have to say something myself.
Or cats bum mouth them at the very least, while looking round to see if anyone else heard the same.
I'm really surprised nobody else reacted.
What gave you the impression she was saying it to you? Your OP doesn't say you interacted with her at all, so are you 100% convinced you've read the situation as it actually was?
If you were in a conversation with her when she said those things then the conversation must have been about something, before and after that remark. Can we have some context?
How much drink had been consumed? What was her tone of voice?
Independently of context, it seems that you're DNBU to be upset and confused, but there's not really much to go on here other than that she called you a bitch.
Maybe she has some form of Tourette's? I would have been tempted to answer back "Oh be quiet you silly old bat" the second time. Fon't let it bother you, I'm sure she has done it to others.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Oh god that is weird, I possibly would have done the same in your sit OP,
I'm better at sticking up for others than myself,
I'm not sure what your expecting us to do though
When I first started worrying about it I thought the woman had been driving as she was going home that night so I thought she was sober. I think on reflection though that she had a lift so she may have been
drinking. I was drinking but I don't believe I said anything untowa
I am a bit confused about people asking what I want from this thread. Don't people ask for advice on here? I am interested to see if people think I should do something about this or quietly let it drop and never know what I said/did and if it is likely to happen againl. In fact it wouldn't happen again I think I would walk out if she did anything similar in the future.
I like the comment that she has done the same to others. Sure that is true!
Alzheimer's or some MH issues can cause people to behave strangely.
If you don't know them very well and unlikely to meet again I would let it go.
It;s about her not you. Totally understand not confronting her at the restaurant
I would have probably ignore the first time round but the second I would have pulled her up on it
Tbh IYS , I would ask a friend if they heard, what she meant etc.
I couldn't just leave it it would bug me too much.
I also thought Tourette's Syndrome or perhaps an Acquired Brain Injury. Also possible is Alzheimer's disease,although in my experience this would be less likely at such a high functioning stage.
Surely though, if it was something like this, there would have been an explanation. Perhaps not though..
Oh do tell when you find out
Was her comment completely out of context? Were you having an ordinary chat and then she suddenly said it, kind of in response to nothing?
You: "weathers been up and down hasn't it?"
Her: "you're a bitch!"
Or was it in response to something you said that could be misinterpreted?
How strange. If it really was completely disconnected then she probably has some sort of problem.
Having said that my MIL had a friend who says things like, "You're looking slim - you bitch!"
Doesn't sound like that sort of 'jokey' comment though.
How annoying for you! I'd be pissed off too.
I know some people use bitch like that, and I really don't like it, which is why I thought I might be over-reacting now. If she had said "OOh, bitch!" I wouldn't have liked it but would have been more than happy to ignore it. The only thing I can remember was that I had said she could have stayed at my house (she must have said she was driving home). As part of that conversation I remember saying something like , Oh, you could stay at my house, as long as I don't get a better offer or unless a nice young man comes along. She had been a bit challenging to something I said earlier, but I thought she was just being a bit ignorant - you know when people say things to be a bit clever? I ignored it and not thought about it until now. Perhaps she just took against me.
So how did this actually happen?
The first time, what had you just said when she made the comment? Like Lemon says, was it in or out of context?
And the second time, what was being said at the time? And what did the daughter say or do?
It all sounds a bit weird - her making these nasty comments and everyone just standing around in silence. I can't imagine it.
The first time the only thing I can think of was about having her to stay. Honestly can't think of anything else. SHe was at the very end of the table and I was next. No one on the other side. My neighbours were opposite but he is quite hard of hearing anyway and I don't know whether the woman neighbour heard it. I will speak to them if I see them today, I think I would have done yesterday if i had seen them. No one else around to hear. The second time, I will come clean about the situation - was worried about being identified but the only people who could do so are those two and I don't like being bloody called a bitch so there! As we were leaving the restaurant the daughter, my neighbour asked if I would go to her house and relieve the babysitter. I was more than happy to do that, let the babysitter go home and texted her to say he had gone home, all fine, not to hurry back. When she came home the Mum came in and they were saying goodbye to each other. That is when she came out with (loudly) "SHe's a bitch!". That was said directly to the daughter. No one else was there and there was no way the daughter could have not heard.
When she said it in the restaurant the person originally sitting next to me had gone to the loo or something and she came round and sat there for a bit. She wasn't sitting there all evening.
Sorry - am I dripfeeding? Just trying to clarify and answer questions. The more I think about it the less I can understand.
R u sure mother was referring to you,not continuing conversation re someone else?
"The more I think about it the less I can understand"
Swap 'think' for 'read' and I'd have to wholeheartedly agree.
Positive it was me - she said it directly to me in the restaurant and I was standing in the sitting room she and the daughter in the hallway - I was five feet away - the second time. I think she was just jealous of my radiant beauty and wonderful dress sense. I did look rather nice...
I would guess that she's not at all well. You could either leave it or have a word with her daughter in case she's in the habit of doing this to others.
Thank you everyone though, I actually feel much better having had your messages. If I do ever offend anyone I always apologise and try to make things right. I don't do that often though, as far as I know. Even if someone offended me I would never do what she did, I would just move away and avoid them. I don't feel as upset now, this has really helped.
I reckon there's a mental health issue & possibly early onset Alzheimers. Do you know anyone else who knows the family better than you, who you could ask?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.