AIBU to not allow my child to go to a football parade on a week night during SATs week?

(475 Posts)
TheDetective Sat 11-May-13 19:28:10

I'm being called all the names under the sun by my ex, and DS1 is sulking and barely speaking to me.

I just found out tonight that Ex DP is planning to take DS1 to watch the Man United parade on Monday night. It is 6-7.30pm, and is 25 miles from home.

Any other school night I'd be fine with this. But not during SATs week, which it is next week.

I've said he can't go. He's worked hard for these exams, his sets for high school depend on the outcome of them. I just want to do what is best for DS.

I've rang my mum, his headteacher, to ask her opinion in case I am being unreasonable. She is furious that ex thinks this is even a good idea.

This is his dads reply by text 'you too are pathetic when he rebels against you youve only yourself to blame'. And 'Like I said pathetic'. Followed by 'just wait promise you he will rebel he already can't wait to get out of mums school I will laugh my ass off'. Those are his exact words by the way, not my typos.

I want my son to do well. I hope I am not being unreasonable.

It's not like utd don't have a fucking parade every season is it??

likesnowflakesinanocean Sat 11-May-13 19:44:22

he sounds like he could do with the break, as others have said sats mean nothing in terms of set movement as the high schools will carry out their own.

rambososcar Sat 11-May-13 19:44:27

SATS are for the benefit of the school, not the child or his future school and if you've been led to believe otherwise the advisor is being disingenuous. Your son will be independently tested when he reaches secondary school.

This is a once in a lifetime for your child - trust me, with other managers taking their new appointments for other clubs in the Prem next season Man Utd will never be doing a victory parade again. grin

OK, maybe not, but still you're being unreasonable. It's a really, really big thing for a fan to be part of and to be able to get there but not to be allowed will result in resentment from all but the calmest, most forgiving of kids (or adults!).

You mention him having to be in for 7.30 for breakfast club - can you or your ex take an hour or two off work as a one off and allow him a lie in and then get/take him to school for the start of the day?

Go on, let him go! smile

Arisbottle Sat 11-May-13 19:45:16

I would want my child's SATS to be a reliable picture of how they are day to day. My dd sits hers next week and has done no extra work.

I am a teacher who does the Year 7 setting as well.

Sirzy Sat 11-May-13 19:47:23

YABU.

Putting pressure on children aged 10 to perform in exams is wrong anyway, but to stop them doing things they want to simply because of the SATS is unfair IMO.

Astley Sat 11-May-13 19:47:25

I'd let him go. He won't be in bed that late and it's a one off, special event.

Panzee Sat 11-May-13 19:47:50

Will Fergie be there? It's a piece of history.

SATs only exist as a stick with which to beat schools.

Arisbottle Sat 11-May-13 19:48:11

To add some balance we use SATs and primary teacher information to set the children, so they are not totally irrelevant . However we reset again about six weeks later using our own initial assessments . We can move a child up ,but to do so we need to move another down .

exoticfruits Sat 11-May-13 19:48:18

They matter to the school- it doesn't matter to him whether he gets a 4or a 5. They will use them for setting, but with advice from the school, and move him pretty quickly if it is wrong. Schools get in a tizz about it because of the league tables.

Hummuschocolate Sat 11-May-13 19:48:49

exactly Aris, it should be a picture of a typical performance for that child not something that they have worked for. It seems that lots of parents and children have this message from somewhere that Sats are important and will effect their future and its so untrue and so unfair to put unnecessary pressure on people.

Finola1step Sat 11-May-13 19:48:50

Tuesday is new Grammar test. I would def let him go because this new test does not matter one jot.

This year's cohort are the guinea pigs. They sit this new test and all you are going to get as a parent is the actual score that he gets. No level, no indication of how well he has done in comparison to his peers - just the raw score. It will then be used by the powers that be at Whitehall to set the expectations and levels for next years test.

It will have absolutely no bearing on his Secondary school. Let him go but make sure he knows that it's a massive treat for working so hard.

likesnowflakesinanocean Sat 11-May-13 19:48:58

. its daft what if he were to get toothache that night and end up awake late in pain or any other possibility.one day is not a picture of a childs ability just like pp said and he won't have his high school future pegged out from one late night/lower score. your ex sounds like he speaks to you like crap though so yanbu to be pissed off about that

Goldmandra Sat 11-May-13 19:49:13

I would let him go too.

SATs don't make as much difference to the individual child as they do to the school. If he has a good grounding in the subjects, it won't significantly affect his outcome to be in bed an hour late on one night.

If he would be 3 or 4 hours late to bed that would be different but this is something he really wants to do.

I doubt very much that the very small difference being in bed an hour late would make to his performance in his SATs would have any effect whatsoever on his sets at high school. If he were placed in the wrong set he'd soon be moved anyway.

You need to work out how much of this is about your feelings about your ex and his lack of respect for you and how much is really about your DS's performance in school. It would be quite understandable if you were taking advantage of a ready made excuse to stop your ex having an enjoyable evening with your DS if that's how he usually speaks to you.

Are you definitely taking the moral high ground here?

Arisbottle Sat 11-May-13 19:50:46

I am genuinely surprised that everyone is agreeing with me. I must be transforming myself into an average mumsnetter . I must get an alternative hobby grin

likesnowflakesinanocean Sat 11-May-13 19:51:42

aris grin. I thought I'd be going against the grain too apparently not

ohforfoxsake Sat 11-May-13 19:54:05

We go to them (when City actually do win anything) and I wouldn't think about not going. It's something that they will remember for ever. They'd have forgotten about whatever SATS paper it is by the weekend.

Unfortunately your Ex sounds like a bit of a tosser, but I don't think that's a reason not to go.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 11-May-13 19:56:26

YABU

Let him decide how much the SATs mean to him.

In reality, he will be assessed when he gets to High School, a late night probably won't affect his performance, and SATs are for the school's benefit.

So, he'd go to bed 30mins late?
Let him go.

TidyDancer Sat 11-May-13 19:58:48

Yes, I would let him go too. Your ex's response was childish, but I think you're wrong to stop your DS from going.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 11-May-13 19:58:49

... of course the Head is furious, unfortunately her job may depend on it and at this moment she will be feeling a lot of pressure. No reason to transfer that pressure to your child.

Your Ex sounds like an arse

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 11-May-13 19:59:39

Sorry, I meant her job may depend on SATs results, not your son's performance

Panzee Sat 11-May-13 20:00:16

It's great that you have this decision to make! Imagine supporting Stockport...

wtf1981 Sat 11-May-13 20:00:29

Some of our local secondary schools use the test results, along with Teacher Assessment levels, to set in Year 7.

Happy and relaxed or grumpy and disappointed could make a difference to how a 10 or 11 year old does in a test. . .

See where you're coming from though- not isn't timing!

wtf1981 Sat 11-May-13 20:01:41

Some of our local secondary schools use the test results, along with Teacher Assessment levels, to set in Year 7.

Happy and relaxed or grumpy and disappointed could make a difference to how a 10 or 11 year old does in a test. . .

See where you're coming from though- not great timing!

rambososcar Sat 11-May-13 20:02:25

grin Panzee!

TidyDancer Sat 11-May-13 20:06:26

The head teacher is your mum though, right OP? Of course she's going to back you up.

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