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To FB msge the girl bullying DD & tell her to stay the fuck away?

(227 Posts)
Gossipmonster Sat 11-May-13 09:02:30

I am not going to but it's do tempting.

Said girl encourages others to do unpleasant things to DD. In Sep one of her friends pulled DD to the ground and kicked her in the head repeatedly and yday she encouraged a boy to straddle DD and make disgusting sexual gestures to her, filming it and theatening to put it on FB.

Every day some kind of other low level incident.

School are great and deal with it but I am fed up of DD having to go through this.

Just looked on this girls FB and its wide open all comments from sycophantic friends telling her how amazing she is. I just want to write what a total birch she is who is making my DD's life hell sad

I won't as I am bigger than that and am using correct channels but this is horrid sad

Fancydrawers Sat 11-May-13 10:11:28

I have to be honest here and say I don't think you're setting a good example to your daughter by ignoring the fact that she was assaulted.

burberryqueen Sat 11-May-13 10:12:07

I work for social care - it is not a CP issue
well someone is failing to protect your daughter and turning a blind eye to sexual assault - so it sounds an awful lot like to to me.

Stop making excuses for these childrens behaviour. Report them to the police, your daughter needs you to protect her. To what extent do they have to go before she becomes the one who is protected from having a fucked up life. Should she end up self harming and suicidal over the bullying so as to protect these little shots lives?

As for this being the best school. Clearly it's not. She is being emotionally and physically and sexually abused.

Gossipmonster Sat 11-May-13 10:13:17

I don't think I am letting it ride.

I emailed the school yesterday I don't really expect them to reply before Monday.

DD is confidant and happy and has supportive friends, sidings and me telling her how amazing she is every day.

The bullies probably don't have that, which is why DD will achieve all she wants and they prob won't.

HollyBerryBush Sat 11-May-13 10:13:26

I work for social care - it is not a CP issue

you need to get on an up to date training course, pronto.

No wonder social workers get such stick.

I know just how tempting this is. I've had very similar with my 12 year old son and a nasty violent bully. I did actually send a message to the boy who was bullying my son which I do very much regret.

My son has been punched on many occasions by this thug, and whilst the school do deal with every assault they don't seem able to stop it.

My advice would be to go with the police. I found them to be very interested. They were happy to go round and have a chat with the family. Apparently the family didn't really give a shit which I guess explains why bullies exist in the first place. The police told me that they can and do prosecute bullies. It might just be a police caution but it will be on his file for ever.

Take control. She is a child who needs protecting. Sometimes we have to realise that kids do not have the capacity to deal with these situations appropriately and this is one of them.

MrsHoarder Sat 11-May-13 10:15:00

Stop thinking about marring their lives with a criminal conviction, think of it as doing them a favour to get a relatively minor criminal conviction for sexual assault under 16 rather than the one they will get when they decide to rape a young woman when out on the piss because no-one has ever set boundaries for them.

And I hate to point this out, but there is a "default victim" for this group already and its your job to stop all this as much as you can. That means Police. RJ may have worked with one girl and been hard on your DD, can you really ask her to do it with every member of the group?

Btw. Incitement, as it used to be called, or as its now known encouraging or assisting crime is a criminal offence.

Why are you being so passive? Why are you not putting your DD and her protection before anything else?

I'm shocked at your reaction.

You're right about the bullies probably not having the support your daughter has.

My son has been bullied by so many little thugs over the years and in my experience, not one of them comes from a loving home. I tell my son that really he should pity them as they are probably just replicating what goes on in their own home.

Where I work a safeguarding form would have had to be completed for the assault as well as an incident form and an investigation would have ensued. It is a child protection issue FFS.

Do you really think you telling her she is fab everyday is going to be able to cancel out the torture and abuse she is going through? Seriously, I would be camped put at that fucking school, email????? I would be on the phone to the police, I would be roaring like a fucking mummy lion to get this sorted.

HollyBerryBush Sat 11-May-13 10:19:07

Really, thinking about it, why should school take it seriously - you don't see the severity of a sexual assault either

LEMisdisappointed Sat 11-May-13 10:21:59

You are contradicting yourself - you just said that the bullies sycophant friends are always bigging her up on facebook so Im sorry you have your head firmly in the sand here. You are also kidding yourself to think that your DD will achieve everything she wants if this is allowed (by the adults who should be protecting her) to continue - her confidence WILL be eroded.

Madamecastafiore - you are exactly right, that is where i was when i left school, suicidal, self harming and on ADs. It was because of the bullying, It never left me.

I don't blame my parents, they did the best they could but probably put too much faith in the school to sort it out.

It so is a child protection issue - and for whatever reason, the school are failing to protect your DD. They are probably talking to the bullies and sympathising over their "issues" well fuck them and their issues, the only person that matters here is your DD. That boy needs a shot up the arse - as you say, it probably wont end in a prosecution but he needs to be made aware in no uncertain terms that he has commited a sexual crime - maybe, if he has any decency in him, will be enough to shock him into thinking twice next time eh? So far, hes the hero to his sick friends, maybe when he goes on to be involved in a gang rape...........

Gossipmonster Sat 11-May-13 10:22:25

Really?

I cannot believe I am being called a shit parent here.

I have BEEN TO THE POLICE.

It was dealt with.

I am waiting to see what the schools reaction is on Monday.

I will not force my DD to report this to the police - he put his leg over on on her chair and gesticulated I am sure his mum will kill him anyway.

I await the schools response before making a rash, hysterical deduction.

In the meantime I continue to support my DD.

I cannot believe someone has sexually assaulted your child and you have not been to the Police. I am shocked. You really really should go to the police and report this. part of being a parent is doing unpleasant things sometimes for the greater good in the long run. This is one of those times. Please go to the police

ihearsounds Sat 11-May-13 10:26:18

One way to get these bullies to stop and realise that your dd isn't going to take their shit anymore is to start pressing charges. Once they have spent a couple of hours in a cell they will hopefully think about what they are doing and will stop.

You need to protect your child. It doesn't matter what happens to the other people. If they screw up their futures they only have themselves to blame. You have to think about what this is going to do with your dd's future, and the impact that it has in the long term.

Yes it was really stupid of the teacher to delete the evidence. However, the police forensics should be able to retrieve the stuff.

burberryqueen Sat 11-May-13 10:26:44

oh right i thought you said you didn't want to get the police involved.....of course you are not a 'shit parent'!! It is a bloody minefield bringing up teenagers, and horrible horrible facebook really doesn't help. Have you thought about encouraging your daughter to delete her account or at least deactivate it for a while?

Fucking hell, what would you do if a male colleague straddled you on a chair and dry humped you?

I'd knee him in the bollocks be down in hr demanding his suspension and calling the police.

Do not minimise what has happened here. Your daughter has been sexually assaulted.

Gossipmonster Sat 11-May-13 10:28:54

They don't bully her on FB as those involved are blocked.

LEMisdisappointed Sat 11-May-13 10:29:49

Oh sorry, is that ALL he did? i thought he "straddled her and made disgusting sexual gestures whilst it was filmed, then they threatened to put it on FB"............honestly, some people eh, make a mountain out of a molehill - really, your DD was being prissy even bothering to say anything about this.

And NO i do not think you are a bad parent, i think you just can't bear to think how bad it really is for your lovely brave DD who is trying her best to rise above all of this. I understand this i really do, none of us want to believe the worse.

Emailing the school was good - but on Monday morning, you need to be making an appointment to be the head, log it with the police and get ofsted involved, its gone on for long enough, the school aren't doing enough.

burberryqueen Sat 11-May-13 10:32:00

yes well we would all do well to stay away from it completely tbh, the title of the thread would suggest some kind of activity there.....

Doha Sat 11-May-13 10:39:30

You are failing your daughter. She is a child and you are her mother-an adult responsible for the well being of your daughter.
You emailed the school !!! You are waiting their response--to little too late. Your daughter was sexually assaulted in school, l bet if it had been elsewhere would you have acted by repsoting it to the police.
That should have been reported to the police. Stuff the boys future angry
What sort of emotional damage is being done to your DD, and you seem to be minimising this act.
The school is not dealing with this well enough-surely you can see that. Are you worried she will be made leave the school if you complain too much !!! I hope not

Leave the school Doha, I wouldn't be sending dd till this was all sorted out.

Gossipmonster Sat 11-May-13 10:43:08

Anyone who knows what they are talking about will know that you cannot report a sexual assault on behalf of someone else anyway hmm.

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