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DP away for the night - is he out of order or am I being a bunny boiler?

(162 Posts)
AAdamsA Fri 10-May-13 22:40:10

Long story short - I caught him fuckin' around on plenty of fish a few months back trying to arrange sex dates. I told him I would find it very difficult to trust him in the future. That's the history.

He had tonight booked to go and see a band and stay over in the city for a piss up with his mate (dp is 42, mate is 26). I wasn't happy about it but didn't want to turn into one of these people that never 'lets' their boyfriend out. But we agreed he would keep in regular contact and not get hammered.

So, they get there at 5pm, instantly start getting pissed up on shots and god knows what else and then he starts sending me drunken texts resembling those of a 12 year old: "my mate said do you know any fit, single nurses you could get him to together with?" hmm jesus christ. His mate sends me a friend request. I accept. He then starts posting pictures of a pissed up DP on my facebook wall (luckily my pics are set to approval first). DP is obviously hammered and was hammered by 8pm.

At 7.30 he sends me a text asking if I love him. I reply "of course I do, do you love me? xx" and I get no reply. What I get instead - are facebook updates from his mate asking where the best place is to "pull" in the city they're in along with many statuses stating "we're drunk! party time!" etc etc.

So, despite his promise that he would stay in touch and not get hammered - he's absoluetly hammered and has not text me since 7.30 when I replied to HIS text asking if he loves me. He did however, find the time afterwards to go on his phone and update his facebook status.

So go on, AIBU??

Buzzardbird Tue 01-Oct-13 09:43:26

What has happened to the Zombie warnings?

PresidentServalan Tue 01-Oct-13 09:21:38

You don't trust him so its time to split up. It's not much of a life for you or him at the moment.

Patosshades Mon 30-Sep-13 21:15:31

Oh I bet it's all rosy in the garden now. hmm

my2centsis Mon 30-Sep-13 21:08:23

How did it turn out op?

SilverApples Mon 30-Sep-13 20:39:07

ZOMBIE THREAD!!

WHY RESURRECT IT?

Brokensoul Mon 30-Sep-13 20:31:57

O wow- he is behaving in such a irresponsible and immature way!
You don't need someone like that....

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sat 11-May-13 21:08:21

Gosh, OP, you're so passive in all this...?!

You try to break up with him, but he doesn't agree with that (for such obvious reasons, to the outside observer), and you just do as you're told...?

You get to decide what happens to you. You do. You're the boss of you, not him.

And for the love of God, do NOT sign that contract.

Ledkr Sat 11-May-13 19:04:23

He goes around with 26 yr olds because nobody his own age would want to be like him. Posting stuff on Facebook indeed.

fritteringtwit Sat 11-May-13 16:15:57

I think you would find going around your home chucking his belongings into a binbag and dropping them off at his mummy's house very theraputic.

His hobbies are basically looking for and shagging other women, and sponging off you. Why on earth are you wasting your life on this emotional retard loser? Is he a twelve inch gold plated mega-stallion in the sack?

What's the backstory with the mother(s) of his DCs? Did they all see the light and LTB?

He's 42. He Will Not Change. Ever. Do you seriously see him as a good prospect long term?

CourgetteSmuggler Sat 11-May-13 15:52:35

Just finished the thread.

AA please tell me you've finished this sham of a relationship.
I've never seen a situation where one person truly hold all of the cards, that's you! Don't be a fool.

I genuinely think you need to walk away. He doesn't make you happy. That's enough of a reason without adding anything else to it!

I had one of these. I was married and lived with him. I came home after I had finally dumped his sorry arse to find him comatose with booze, snoring in a car, stinking of spirits.

A huge sense of calm and relief washed over me. Whenever see him I still get that feeling. He is not my problem any more. He is exactly the same now, BTW, mid-40s. I have a lovely DH, lovely DD, lovely house, lovely life <touches wood>

Please get rid before you have a house and kids with him.

TheBigJessie Sat 11-May-13 15:02:05

He cheats repeatedly.
He doesn't support your education and career.
He doesn't care about your birthday.
He gets drunk before he has care of his children. (Seriously he puts going out on the pull over his relationship with your and his children!)
He doesn't pay his way; you support him.
He generally treats you like shit.

Why are you with him?

RiotsNotDiets Sat 11-May-13 14:49:00

LTB.

sweetiepie1979 Sat 11-May-13 14:42:31

OP I think you sound like you enjoy being a victim all the he text then I text it sounds like a game to you. He is humiliating you. Sort it out!

apostropheuse Sat 11-May-13 12:47:03

Wilsonfrickett makes a very good point. You need to be tested for STDs. Have you been practising safe sex?

WilsonFrickett Sat 11-May-13 10:59:58

Your 'P' sees you as a warm wet hole for the times when he CBA with Plenty of Fish or going out on the pull with his 20-something mates. Potentially he also sees you as a replacement mother for his children. Certainly once he has you installed in his house he'll find it easier to grind you down and shut your nagging face up - after all, he's bought a house with you, what more proof of his devotion do you need?

You are worth so much more than this.

I'd be booking an Std test next week too.

SwedishKaz Sat 11-May-13 10:45:13

I second RuralNinja's suggestion.

Boomba Sat 11-May-13 10:41:56

OP you should have a read through the Support thread for people in emotionally abusive relationships, on the relationship board. I can't link, I'm on my phone

Boomba Sat 11-May-13 10:38:34

And some posts are quite ridiculing, also

LaQueen Sat 11-May-13 10:36:51

You know...I think, that despite saying she really doesn't need/want all this drama, the OP is actually now addicted to the adrenaline surges of Will he text me...wont he text me...what will his next text say...will he come home tonight...what's he up to, without me...what photos does he have on FaceBook...has he been on other dating sites again...

These adrenaline surges, aren't what you'd call pleasant...but, they are addictive nevertheless - because after all the nasty lows, she gets the lovely highs where her DP makes it up to her, sends her some flowers or something...or, as it happening right now I suspect, offering to do something really nice for her birthday, with her.

But, it's just crumbls from the loaf, that's all. Just the merest smidge, to keep the OP slightly confused, but very grateful.

The OP didn't actually pick her DP. He very much targeted picked her, because he sussed, probably by the third date, that she would put up with his shit.

Boomba Sat 11-May-13 10:36:03

I'm not advocating softly softly at all. She needs to hear the truth.

Bur all this 'im outta here' crap is counter productive....it is just isolating. I know OP is feeling really alone and frightened. It's all very well for people with their self esteem in tack to tell her, she's a 'mug"....you can be damn straight, she knows that already.

A number of posts have come across as quite aggressive

Jemma1111 Sat 11-May-13 10:25:51

Op, why post on here ? You don't seem to be listening to any advice .

This fuckwit has absolute zero respect for you and in all honestly probably doesn't even LIKE you . You are an object for him to use and when he's done with you he will discard you like rubbish .

To sum it up , he is treating you like a prostitute (and he's not even paying for it)

Seriously , have some self respect and tell him to go fuck himself.
If you ignore the advice given by everyone on here then you will regret it.

diddl Sat 11-May-13 10:22:26

I think it's sad that you even have to ask tbh, OP.

But you know what-if you're not happy for any reason you can get rid!

SavoyCabbage Sat 11-May-13 10:18:41

He doesn't love you, he treats you like dirt.

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