AIBU to think this was a little off?(37 Posts)
At the park a few days ago and was sat with a couple of friends, both of which I had thought were good friends. Our kids had their bikes and were riding around.
We were talking about stabilisers and I was saying I'm not sure when to take them off etc. Friend A says her DS learned to ride by using a balance bike and that it was really good, DS learnt within a few days. She said if I could (then hesitated very slightly) find someone who had one, she recommended borrowing it for my DD who could learn to ride that way. I said ok. Thought it was a good idea but a non starter because I don't know anyone with a balance bike.
Friend Bs' DS came running over about 10 minutes later to say that he wanted the stabilisers taken off and wanted to learn to ride a bike properly. Friend gushed about how this was a fantastic idea. Friend A then says "I have a balance bike, how about I bring it over tomorrow and X can have a go on it." This was within my earshot given how we were all sat around the same table.
I didn't say anything but thought this seemed a little off really. Friend A actually lives up the road from me. I am trustworthy with stuff and I thought we were actually friends. I am at a bit of a loss as to why she would suggest I find someone who has a balance bike to borrow, without saying that she has one, then offers it up to our other friend 10 minutes later. I actually felt like I was intruding on their conversations after this point as Friend A turned around to face the park and didn't turn back again. I was sat on the other side of the table so her back was to me for the rest of the time.
I am very . She is a lovely person and I did consider her to be a friend but actually I don't know anymore. I recently organised a weekend away, in the end she couldn't make it (after paying) and rather than actually let me know (organising it was a hassle and I did have to chase her up a couple of times) I found out through her posting it on Facebook (not my wall or anything). I thought common courtesy would mean she would have contacted me directly.
I am guessing that she doesn't actually see me as a friend? Or am I reading too much into it?
Thanks for your replies. I didn't think this thread was going to come up again actually.
I'm going to leave it with her and cut my losses tbh. She has lived near me for a few years and I have been to see her and that but she has never got in touch about meeting for a coffee of anything, it has all been at mutual friends that we have seen each other. She is ditzy but not enough to know that when she made the suggestion of borrowing a balance bike, she forgot that she had one or anything. It was the pause she made when we were having the conversation, then her offering it to our friend 10 minutes later, after sitting with her back to me that made me think .
No, I cba with this crap. I just don't count her as a friend anymore, and now I'm not sure why I did in the first place really. It was a bit one sided.
sounds to me like she isn't interested in being friends. sorry.
i agree that you should meet friend b without friend a from now on. don't make any more effort and see if she starts to make more. if not, you have your answer.
I think you're being a little over sensitive and I'd have just said "ooh i didn't realise you had a balance bike, any chance DD can have a try of it".
And re the weekend away, maybe she just had a change of heart. I love a good drunken night out and I'm no pearl clutcher but friends whipping their nipples out to show a group of lads on a stag do just ain't my thing at all.
Each to their own... I'm a bit scatty sometimes and the super-organised folks scare me
I would have said "I didn't realise you had a balance bike, friend A. Can I borrow it for my child once Friend B has borrowed it?' and put her on the spot. Said with a smile, it would have been a good way of pulling her up on her behaviour in an innocent way!
I too am not very keen on 'Silly me, you know what I am like' type friends. DD2's mum is like that; often says and does rude things and then puts it down to just being silly, ditsy old her. I have as little to do with her as possible these days as she annoys me.
She does sound rather socially inept, but I don't think she's trying to offend or upset you. She just genuinely doesn't seem to realise. If you'd like her to know how you feel about some of the things she's said, you will need to tell her. If you're good friends then you should be able to be honest about how you feel, forgive and move on.
OP - have you considered saying to Friend A - "Getting back to you about the suggestion you made about the balance bike, I've found a friend who has one - you! so when can we borrow it for a few days?" all said as light and airy-fairy as you like and see what she says.
She will either go "D'oh! I should have offered you ours when I made the suggestion" or "I'm sorry but I've already loaned it out to X" and then you'll know where you stand. If it's the first response, then perhaps she is a bit dizzy when it comes to certain things, if it is the second response, then you know that you wont be including her in your close circle of friends and she becomes more of an acquaintance, right?
She doesn't sound that great a friend. At least you've got other friends, make the most of them.
But I only popped onto your thread to tell you that if you have a child's bike already you can turn it into a balance bike by lowering the seat so the child's feet reach the ground and taking the pedals off. They should be able to balance and scoot around on it easily. Once they've got the hang of balancing, put the pedals back on, raise the seat and away.
You know what, I think Friend A is a bit socially-clumsy-tending-to-rude, from what you say, and probably knew she was going to lend the bike to Friend B to whom she appears to be much closer. So didn't offer. Not in itself crime of the century. But other stuff sound a bit irritating and sniffy.
As this is not a playground, and you are grown women, don't bring Friend B into it. That's not fair on B.
See if friend b had been there, she would have steered me away but friend a just stood there, slightly at a distance, watching. I did wonder why she didn't
try and control me gently suggest we move on.
I just won't have much to do with her I think and if friend b suggests inviting her along, I will say I would rather it was just us. Although I know she will want to know what the problem is as friend b thinks she is fantastic and if I tell her what I have put here, friend b will tell me it isn't like that at all and friend a is a wonderful person, not like that etc etc, because she really doesn't come across that way. That's why I can only think it is because she disapproves of me in some way.
Heh, you were pissed and carried away, is all. If I'd been there I would have been and and my only thought would have been to steer you away from the booze hounds and make sure you were ok.
In fact one of my close friends has done something very similar while ramped up on wine!
No, anyone who decides to condemn you for that is being extremely judgemental.
This so-called friend A can go jump in a lake and no mistaking.
No Lemon, they laugh at me really. Apparently they love my drunk personality. I have said this means they don't like me sober though.
I am just very happy, up for anything type. If there is a dare to be done (hen night style) then basically people would come to me. Although I can be a bit stupid too.
It doesn't paint me in a good light but whatever, I was hammered. Group of stags were asking if nipples were brown or pink. Me being me had no idea so I just showed them. Whoops. Got the distinct impression that my friend disapproved.
Oh ok sorry. Have re-read the OP. Obviously Im projecting widely.
Did anyone else balk a little over your antics OP?
Really curious now
But honestly, rowdy drunken behaviour, probably the like of which we've all done, shouldn't make her feel justified in being a cold judgey bastard.
Phase her right out. Arrange to see friend B on your own and let it all fall into a natural pattern where you just say hello nicely to friend A when you happen to meet, and then glide past her.
Squirted I didn't know she had one. I didn't tell her that I didn't know anyone with one, that was me telling everyone in my OP. When she suggested I try and borrow one, I didn't want to say "great idea but I don't know anyone with one" so I nodded politely and said it was a good idea, whilst thinking that I don't know anyone with them. 10 minutes later, I found out that I did know someone with one.
She would have no idea whatsoever that I was annoyed about the weekend away. She won't have thought she has done anything wrong, although others all said "what she didn't contact you" when they found out she wasn't going, like they thought it was rude as well.
Lemon it was nothing to her, she was just stood there at the time.
But she didn't tell the OP she had one though Squirted - she said her DS had learnt on one. Then suggested she find 'someone' who could lend one.
Very different to going, "DS learnt on ours - borrow it for DD if you like?"
It's odd though that she has a balance bike. Recommends one to you, and you don't ask to borrow hers? You said in response to her that you didn't know anyone with one. I'd have felt put out at that. Because you do know someone - her.
Maybe she feels you are pissed with her over the holiday thing? She tried to make up clumsily and she feels you dismissed her.
I'm quite shy in company. I'd have felt like this. And I'd have wanted to sit with my back to you rather than engage in more conversation, but wouldn't have been brave enough.
No, not being over-sensitive at all. It's almost as if she's going out of her way to piss you off, tbh, in a way which is hard to confront and mostly invisible to others.
So what did you do when you were pissed then OP? Straddle her and sing 'Dirrrrrrrrrrrrty'? Do something unmentionable in her handbag?
'Sometimes I read things very wrongly.'
I shouldn't be answering because I have trouble with this too
If you might be meeting up with her at some point with Friend B then it's probably not a good idea to ask her about the bike then.
Is it something you can ignore and just keep at a friendly but distant-ish level? (given you've been thinking about it for a few days)
"I hate "you know what I'm like" people; as if it's somehow cute and engaging to be plain fucking rude."
Oh yes I am with you on this one!
I think maybe she does have some reason and I don't know what it is. I have an inkling. We went away on a hen do last year and I am a stupid drunk that gets carried away (not cheating or anything like that) but I sensed her disapproval. She is a sensible type whereas I can be a bit wild once I have had a drink (the once in a blue moon it happens). I could be completely wrong on that though. No one else seems to care or disapprove.
Her reasons (if there is one) doesn't bother me. Its her problem, not mine.
Only issue could be that friend B is a good friend of mine and if she arranges any get togethers, she will include friend A, although I get the feeling that they have been doing quite a lot more without me anyway. I have other friends so am not bothered. Just wondering if I was being over sensitive. Sometimes I read things very wrongly.
Even if she wanted to lend the bike to one person more than others, most people with an ounce of decency or sensitivity would not do this in front of you when she's just mentioned it!
She's not your friend. I hate "you know what I'm like" people; as if it's somehow cute and engaging to be plain fucking rude.
Do you think the uses the flaky persona to her own advantage?
It gives her license to do whatever she wants, like changing plans, but she sidesteps the difficult conversations with the people she's letting down?
I got the hint from your OP that you maybe think there's a reason why she's a bit cold with you but she's not let you in on that.
How much would it bother you if there was a reason?
Sometimes it's best not to know (if you're not that fussed about the person anyway) and less hassle to leave them to their own devices.
Well I would cut her out tbh. She obviously doesn't see you as a friend or she's one of those people who likes to play silly games - there is no other explanation for her constant snubs. Either way you don't need it and you can do better.
Meryl actually I didn't make it clear, I am sure friend A was taking the bike around with a view to them borrowing it, she was just going to take it around there to see how the DS got on with it at first.
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