To be Annoyed with child who loves to 'rearrange' my house.....?

(30 Posts)
froggydoo Fri 10-May-13 19:26:38

So I'm probably just being grumpy but I am being driven nuts by DDs friend. Whenever she comes round she can never just play with the toys / things in the house as they are, she ALWAYS decides to move cushions, blankets even furniture around. Sometimes it is to create dens, other times I have no idea what she is up to. She doesn't often ask, just does it.

One time I found all the sofa cushions in the garden. She had trodden mud into one of them and I was furious.

She is nearly 9 by the way - we are not talking about a teeny tot here. Drives me nuts.....

CruCru Fri 10-May-13 19:28:37

It's reasonable to say that you don't want furniture moved or cushions taken outside. That would be fairly irritating.

Imsosorryalan Fri 10-May-13 19:29:50

I think you need to lay down some ground rules when she visits. M dcs friends thought it was funny to raid my make up bag...not any morewink

RandomMess Fri 10-May-13 19:31:04

9!!!! Talk to your dd and her friend and set some ground rules...

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SizzleSazz Fri 10-May-13 19:32:57

OMG, my DD is a den builder and it drives me insane. She wouldn't take things outside though usually

If you find a way to stop your DD's friend doing it then please let me know. <swigs wine>

froggydoo Fri 10-May-13 19:40:55

I have told / asked her not to but it doesn't always work.

I think I'm also annoyed because she is generally speaking not very good at respecting the material state of the house (if that doesn't sound too poncey). We've had quite a bit of accidental damage while she's here - a broken picture because she knocked it down, a broken washing basket because she stood on it.

She's very big for her age ( tall, but also quite 'heavy') and I don't think she realises that things can get damaged. It's what annoys me about the cushions and furniture moving - she doesn't realise that things might get dirty or broken because she is moving them around.

..... Not to mention the hours of tidying I have to do after she's gone ....

That would really piss me off. Can you avoid her comingat all, i.e. your DD goes to her house to play instead?

zipzap Fri 10-May-13 19:56:28

Reminders when she arrives that she isn't to move the furniture etc around.

If your dd is there playing with her, then tell the both of them together that there is to be no doing this - if either of them do it, then the other one needs to come and get you.

Talk to your dd beforehand about the situation and how much it upsets you, and the damage and problems caused. Get her to understand it and she might be able to help police it, even if that means running to you if friend is determined to do it. And warn her that you are going to warn both of them when friend comes over, so she knows that you are doing it so it gives her an excuse to come and get you the moment the friend starts to move things.

Talk to the girl about the damage and problems caused last time(s) she has been there and say that you don't want that to happen again, that it cost you a lot of money to replace things, and time and effort to clean things up again.

Don't let her out of the house without tidying up any mess she has made. If this involves being late because she has to get mud off cushions or blankets then fine - she has been told and warned.

Ask her why she thinks she can come over and do things in your house to damage the things in it - either she can do it at home and nobody cares (in which case, do it at home) or she likes doing it at home but gets told off and not to, in which case it's easier to do it at your house as she doesn't have to suffer the consequences (in which case - she needs to suffer the consequences!).

And if all else fails - if she does it again after being told not to, then she doesn't get to come around again (make sure she is told this is a consequence at the start of her visit!).

SleepOhHowIMissYou Fri 10-May-13 21:36:24

Tell her it's not on, and if she does it again, tell her parent when they pick her up.

I had one little girl who invented the game of "tidying up"! This involved tipping all the little toys from my daughter's storage boxes onto the floor in a massive pile and then sorting them back into the storage boxes. Great game, except they got bored after the first box was sorted and they'd tipped out at least 10! Guess who spent the evening sorting through MaccyD's Happy Meal toys and stoopid plastic animals!

She didn't get invited back.

exoticfruits Fri 10-May-13 22:00:56

Tell her the rules as she comes in and explain that if she ignores them you will phone her mother to take her home.

chattychattyboomba Fri 10-May-13 22:03:09

She's probably allowed to do it at home. You need to kindly lay some ground rules.

chattychattyboomba Fri 10-May-13 22:04:17

Maybe you could get a tent out for them and tell them if they want to set up a den outside they can only use outdoor furniture.

froggydoo Fri 10-May-13 22:10:50

Thanks for the replies.

I think this is something she does at home. I'm friendly with her mum and their house is kind of a tip ( I don't want to sound mean by that - its their house, if they like it messy then fair enough!). I think she just doesn't think at all about other people's spaces or possessions - it's all just potential play stuff to her.

I do need to set clearer boundaries.

The tent idea is good although the last time she came I set up a tent and she rammed it full of stuff from the house. Took me ages to put it all back!

Nanny0gg Fri 10-May-13 22:20:19

I don't actually understand why this has happened more than once.

Haven't you told her off/laid out the rules? And doesn't your DD realise that she needs to stop her or come and get you? She must know you don't allow this kind of behaviour?

She's 9!
Who's in charge here?

pinkyredrose Fri 10-May-13 22:27:29

sleep how many toys does your daughter have!

How bloody annoying, you should've made the friend clear them up!

steppemum Fri 10-May-13 22:32:38

lay down some rules

check regularly and intervene if she is breaking rules

15 minutes before end of playdate, make them both tidy up properly, stand in the room and supervise, and ask firmly but nicely that it goes back in right place.

ds has friends who are much left aware of possessions than I would like, I have to nudge them often in the right direction

9 is plenty old enough to get this

steppemum Fri 10-May-13 22:58:14

that is 'less aware of possessions'

tigerdriverII Fri 10-May-13 23:03:36

DS has a friend like this. He came round once, the damage and potential damage (barging into v high end hifi stuff, ripping a door ff it's hinges) was awful. He just doesn't come round any more, DS understands, he was out f his depth trying to stop the rampage.

greenformica Fri 10-May-13 23:05:23

Can you tell her to ask if she want to take things outside as you hav rules about what can go out

CrapBag Fri 10-May-13 23:07:58

I don't understand how she can keep breaking stuff though even if her house is messy.

Sounds like she has a complete disregard for other peoples property and possessions tbh. I would not be letting anyone in my house do this, let alone a friend of the kids.

Tell her firmly that she isn't to move things, she isn't to take anything outside and she has to be careful as you are fed up with finding things broken.

GingerBlondecat Sun 12-May-13 06:22:46

The few kids I knew that were like this, were also very angry at the world. and all in it. No matter how sweet they appeared.
They managed to damage stuff around themselves, seemingly without trying.

It wasn't a absolutely deliberate thing, I think it was Subconscious in some way

We had stuff they didnt and evened the score.
(No we did not have the latest stuff, but the few things we had were well looked after.)

Im having a hard time trying to put into words, what is in my thoughts.

TheFallenNinja Sun 12-May-13 06:26:07

Perhaps reserve your "fury" for something a little more important than a muddy cushion?

LookingForwardToMarch Sun 12-May-13 06:40:29

Oh that is so annoying!

When we were younger my nephew used to love re-arranging my room when he came over.

So I locked him in the shed for the duration on a visit.

Job done grin

When I was around that age, I had a friend over who used to go rummaging through my clothes drawers pulling everything out, trying things on and telling me what she liked and didn't like - I hated it but wasn't assertive enough to stop her, I wish I had been

YANBU - don't let her do as she pleases, it's your house

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