to stay in an hotel for the night just so I can sleep?

(75 Posts)
insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 08:18:25

Or is it really selfish to leave DH with DCs for one night, after they have been put to bed, and come back early in the morning?
I have not slept properly for years now but had an amazing night last Friday when DH was away. I slept beautifully and felt normal for the first time in a while.
Is it cheeky to just book a room and go?

IvorHughJarse Fri 10-May-13 12:35:26

Oh poor you. Agree you should speak to a medical person to rule out any underlining causes of sleeplessness but in the meantime absolutely, why not go and spend the night somewhere else if you can? I did this a few years ago when DH and I had a one bedroomed flat. His snoring was driving me NUTS and I went and slept at a Travel Inn for two days. Bliss

Wibblypiglikesbananas Fri 10-May-13 12:39:07

Short term, the hotel could be a good chance to recharge your batteries but long term, it's not a sustainable solution.

I think both you and DH need to make a concerted effort to ease the symptoms that are disturbing each others' sleep, say for three months, and then after that look at separate beds or rooms.

You cannot live your life on no sleep - neither of you can - and with little ones added into the mix, it's a recipe for disaster. I get the impression that DH's snoring disturbs you more than your scratching disturbs him, but you sort of see it as tit for tat - you can't complain about the snoring as you sometimes disturb his sleep too.

It's interesting that you slept well when DH was away. Do your think it's a psychological thing, ie you can't sleep as you're waiting for DH to disturb you when he's there? When he's not there, you can relax as there's no chance of his snoring noise waking you.

JamNan Fri 10-May-13 13:58:29

Wibbly
'It's interesting that you slept well when DH was away.'...

It was probably because OP had peace and quiet and not the usual noisy experience that prevents her from sleeping. She is addressing her own medical problems. Separate beds or even rooms does not really help much because you can still hear the snoring and (in my case) you listen out to make sure they are still breathing. It is quite frightening when the snorer stops breathing many times a night and you have to turn them to make them breathe in or wish you had an cattle prod to electrocute him with. Of course I don't know if OP's DH does that. In my own experience I used to look forward to DH working away so I and the rest of the family could sleep soundly and get our energy back. Three weeks was bliss.

insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 17:04:50

thank you all, I will talk to DH about Drs for snoring, although to be fair to him its probably way down his list of priorities as he has just had tests due to blood in his urine so snoring isn't something he is more worried about just now.
When I asked him about the hotel he said 'Oh God' and sighed and then later said there were more important priorities at moment (his tests, and His Dad being diagnosed with something unpleasant)
He did say yes I could do it but I think we might go with the suggestions here with the air bed although I don't think for one minute that he will offer to sleep on it- that will be me.

My friend has two under three. I go round with wine, help with 2.5y/o's dinner, bath and bedtime, she cooks and then we drink and eat and chatter and I sleep in her spare room. Always an earlyish night as she's up at the crack of dawn with the DC but I always sleep like a log. Any friends with spare rooms who might be up for that sort of evening?

(Or even a friend with a spare room and no DC...!)

By all means go for a hotel/BB if you can afford it though.

"More important priorities" than his wife and the mother of his children on the brink of collapse from exhaustion? confused

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 10-May-13 17:20:30

YANBU. Sign up on Travellodge for deals. If you can go any night at anytime sometimes it's as low as £15. You need to sleep a bit before you can handle anything else.

Or crash at a friend's.

insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 17:28:24

I know Mermaid, thing is this has gone on for so long that I think I may be a bit broken now and therefore not 'putting out' for DH (such a lovely expression) and I think this is a factor with him not taking me as seriously as I think he could. I would love a lazy evening together with some affection etc that did not have to end in sex but he says it is a 'give and take' thing and what would he get out of it.
When written down it does look at it like he's a real sod but he's not, I just don't think he understands how I feel and I may be expecting too much.

insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 17:29:32

so- sorry posted too quickly- I may be in bed and a bit anxious with him there and that may trigger the scratching. This would explain why it was bliss last weekend without him.

I read somewhere that a survey showed that even though people think they sleep better with their partner in the bed with them, it's actually not true - they monitored many couples and on the nights they slept apart each had more deep sleep. (I am single, and LOVE that I get a double bed to myself with no-one waking me)

Re your itching - perhaps bring your own sheets to the hotel just in case different detergents on the hotel's linen exacerbates the itching. If you're going to do it, may as well make sure you get the most out of it!

squeaver Fri 10-May-13 17:34:20

Just waned to echo CMOT re the snoring. My dh also has sleep apneoa. It really is a life shortening condition and he should see the doctor about it.

Pigsmummy Fri 10-May-13 17:47:59

I dream of a night on own in hotel!

MissBetseyTrotwood Fri 10-May-13 17:51:24

My friend's DH gave her this one birthday. Go for it!

Mumsyblouse Fri 10-May-13 17:52:51

It is far from clear that his snoring is an unimportant health problem- if he has sleep apnoea like my husband it causes accidents, high BP, raises the risk of stroke/heart attack and make the person feel terrible. He might not have it, but look at the symptoms online as the person listening to it is sometimes better placed to hear if they are stopping breathing as well as snoring, and even just extremely loud snoring is very bad for the airways. If you think it is that- go to the GP, get a sleep study done and find out for sure.

I think OP you need to start putting your health higher up your list of priorities, at the very minimum when my husband's snoring was at its worst, I wore earplugs always and slept separately several days a week. Not romantic, but neither is being on the edge of a breakdown through exhaustion.

insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 18:49:51

Right- bag packed. Booked a room and off shortly. An actually really excited!

DublinMammy Fri 10-May-13 19:43:01

Enjoy!! Oh! You are probably asleep already or raiding the minibar

IwishIwasmoreorganised Fri 10-May-13 20:00:34

Great stuff.

Sleep tight OP.
Xxx

insomniarules Fri 10-May-13 20:11:21

Right, I'm at the hotel. Fingers crossed I sleep well. I do feel a bit conspicuous on my own and just walked past a room from which there were loud amorous noises. Odd!

DrSeuss Fri 10-May-13 20:14:08

Check out Groupon for a deal and go!

SybilRamkin Fri 10-May-13 20:21:27

Ooh, well done OP, I really hope you get a decent night's kip! Have a nice glass of wine and relax!

BearsInMotion Fri 10-May-13 20:27:01

Enjoy smile

I am going to a conference in 2 months and will spend 2 nights away from snory DP and never-sleeping baby DD, and am already looking forward to it and wondering if I can blag an extra night

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 10-May-13 21:00:11

Oh that's ace!

I use these to help me sleep. They are really good.

needaholidaynow Fri 10-May-13 21:09:35

I can't sleep next to DP, haven't been able to for a while now due to his snoring sad its either me or him on the couch every night without fail, and a lot of falling out.

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