To want to go by myself to a music festival?

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

Okay. My husband has been working up in Scotland while I've been living in England, working and being a single mother since Christmas. DH is due to come down to join us at the end of the month, and today he finds out if he has a job he really wants. We are pretty optimistic about that happening.

If he has the job, we are financially set. Yay!

Now, I've been scrubbing toilets and wrangling kids and making decent money, and I would like a little break.

I have never been to a festival. I also have never seen Slayer live. They are headlining at Bloodfest in August. I was thinking it would be fun to go for the Saturday and Sunday, leaving Sat am and coming home Monday am.

I don't think a little weekend away is a big deal, but a lot of people I know are aghast. "You want to leave your husband with the kids while you go to a heavy metal festival?" Er, yes?

I have not asked my dh yet as we are focused on the job thing he will hear about today. If it's the good news we're hoping for, I will ask him.

My husband has "let" me take a trip to Los Angeles and a little trip to Bruges. I also go for all day hill walks, etc. I like the occasional break and he's pretty cool about this.
But so many people look at me, and make comments to the effect of me somehow having my husband under some sort of unfair control that makes him agree to these things, that I'm wondering if maybe they're right. DH is ok with this sort of thing, but he does grumble a little.

How many of you with dh/dp's would be "allowed" to go off for a weekend like this?

Am I BU?

[ladymariner]

I would. Don't see a problem with it tbh, as long as it works both ways

[Tailtwister]

YANBU, why the hell not!

[getmeoutofthismadhouse]

When I was with my ex he used to moan because I WOULDN'T go out and leave him with the kids. He encouraged me to have a life without the kids so he would've loved a weekend to himself . I think more partners should take the reins for a few hours/days and let their oh's have some down time. I definitely think if you have the guts to go alone (I couldn't ) then go and have a good time!!

[Meringue33]

Yanbu, do it!

[DeepRedBetty]

Well apart from the fact that I can't think of anything I'd like to see LESS than Slayer, or anything at a festival with a name like Bloodfest, yanbu - if you'd be happy to let DH go off for a weekend doing his thing on his own, it has to work both ways.

I'm wondering how much fun it will be without a person to talk with during the gaps though.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

I would be happy for him to do similar, but he won't. He doesn't like doing things like this or going off alone.

I am very outgoing. I will find other middle aged people who are reliving their youths and make friends. I will probably sort out some via the forum on the Bloodfest website. "Any other frumpy middle aged parents going?"

[IdreamofJarvis]

Sorry but I don't think Slayer will be playing anymore, Jeff Hanneman died the other day :( YANBU to still attend in your own tho.

[joydivisionovengloves]

Slayer are still playing and YANBU.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

Jeff Hanneman took two years to die from the spider bite, and they've been playing with another bassist for some time. It's very sad that he died .

[MidniteScribbler]

1. YANBU to want to go.
   
   
2. YABU to call yourself a single parent.

[IdreamofJarvis]

Hadn't realised they had been playing with another bassist...doesn't seem right without Jeff :( Slayer always reminds me of my younger days, very sad to hear he had passed away. RIP.

[RooneyMara]

I think it will be lonely.

[LemonPeculiarJones]

He died from a spider bite, and it took two years??!!??

Fuck. That's awful. What kind of spider, how, why?

But no YANBU. If your DH is cool with it, it's none of anyone else's business, is it?

Fingers crossed for the job.

[BarredfromhavingStella]

YANBU, I'd do the same-DH has no problem with this & he went for a weeks diving holiday when DD was 9 months so works both ways...

[RooneyMara]

not necessarily

[rambososcar]

YANBU. If my other half even thought the words "let" or "allow" in relation to me acting as a fully grown adult he'd be wearing his bollocks for earrings.

YABU for referring to yourself as being a single mother though. Ever tried it? I don't recommend the work and stress levels or the average social or financial status.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

By "single parent" I only meant that I've been doing all the parenting for several months. Obviously, this is not the same as being actually without a partner, as we knew he would be with us soon. And, of course, he's supporting us financially.

I wouldn't say that someone who has joint custody and receives maintenance is not a single parent, and if the spouse of a submariner said they were a "single parent" whilst their partner was deployed, or something like that, I would understand that they meant they were solely responsible for all the work of raising the children, even if only temporarily.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

Oh, and I was a single parent before I met and married my husband.

[maddening]

I would but I would prefer to go with a group of friends (not dfiance necessarily although it would be lovely to go together.

I think the chap that died was an alcoholic at some point so likely his system was not at optimum for combating spider bites (dfiance is a metal fan :) )

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

I actually like being alone. I used to go to movies alone, restaurants alone, and I have travelled around Europe several times alone. I even hired a gondola in Venice alone. Sure it's supposed to be a romantic thing, but I don't see the point of missing out on something just because there's nobody else to do it with.

I think being alone (in a crowd) is one of the primary appeals of going to the festival.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

I am happy that everyone is in agreement with me on this.

But, what if he did object? I mean, if he were to be unhappy about me going off and camping at a music festival, alone, for a weekend, leaving him alone with the kids? Obviously, he couldn't forbid me going, but I think many people would not be happy about it if it were their spouse going.

I did say that he might grumble a bit, and I suppose the only reason he doesn't object more strenuously is that he knows he can't stop me, so why bother really trying. I think maybe I would feel a bit guilty about that.

[Numberlock]

Don't get me started on this topic!

Me and my girlfriends have been having weekends away 2/3 times a year for the best part of the last 20 years.

And we still get the comments "Who's looking after your kids" "Oooh isn't their dad good!"

(Incidentally the husbands/ex-husbands/fathers are all supportive, it's a way of life for us all and they get to do the same.)

If he objects, you're with the wrong guy. But it doesn't sound like he would as you've already been on other weekends away?

[Glittertwins]

Why on earth shouldn't he have the children if you want to do something totally different? I went to see Metallica at Reading when the DTs were 5 months old and he stayed home.

[Glittertwins]

After camping at Monsters of Rock, I will never ever ever camp at a festival again...incidentally that's where I had the misfortune of seeing Slayer (not a fan) who were on the bill with the bands I did want to see.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

I'm a bit nervous about the camping, to be honest. I think I can manage ok for two nights, and I've done plenty of regular camping, but if it's a huge mud pit full of really obnoxious people, that could suck. I don't think it would be dangerous for me in any way, but maybe it would be really weird if I were alone.