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To still struggle with trust 7mths after DH's emotional affair

(103 Posts)
printmeanicephoto Thu 09-May-13 12:45:37

7mths ago I found out about DH's emotional affair (+ kissing). He ended affair which had been going on for 1 mth and said he wanted our marriage to work. We have been married nearly 20 years and have 2 kids in primary school.

I have a sneaky suspicion he's just staying with me for the kids and out of duty. We are also christians and are v. involved in our church. We have been taught from birth by christian parents that divorce is only really an option in exceptional circumstances. It would also send big ripples through our church family (although I know people would try to help and support us).

Am still struggling to trust although I know affair is over. Still feel heartbroken and a few times a week I still have a cry. Should I be over it by now?

Rufus20 Fri 10-May-13 09:31:57

Maybe I've missed it - was he caught out, or did he stop it and own up? That makes a big difference

ItchyTeeth Fri 10-May-13 10:51:10

Hi, having been in the exact same situation as you, I would recommend 'How Can I Ever Trust You Again?' By Andrew G Marshall it was very helpful to us both. Me and my husband are over 3 years past his infidelity and still together. You are still in very early days, and still after all this time it still occasionally hits me like a tonne of bricks. I did share with our Paster and very close friends - people who loved us both - it only stayed amongst them and sensitive support was offered to us both. People do get divorced within our church and this is accepted and never judged.

Laquila Fri 10-May-13 10:53:33

OP I'm very sorry that I don't currently have time to read all the responses so may just be repeating what's been said already, but I would suggest you think about counselling, either for yourself individually or as a couple, of a mixture of both. Don't be down on yourself for thinking you "should" be over something like this after a certain period of time - there are no hard and fast rules. Best of luck.

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