To be totally horrified that women on a parenting website are giving advice to a violent rapist on how to see his child?

(205 Posts)
Heleneahandcart1 Wed 08-May-13 12:23:53
Midori1999 Wed 08-May-13 13:23:56

TheOneWithTheHair, I have read a bit further now and he says he got his masters through the Open University, could this be the case? My sister is doing an OU degree and it takes 6 years. Plus, this man is saying he joined the army at 16, so he wouldn't have had any A levels, surely you can't get from GSCE (or less) qualifications to a Masters in 7 years? Prison or not... confused

creighton Wed 08-May-13 13:28:38

i get the impression that people who get 10 years ish in jail have probably got a history of violence/offences that have led to the 'final' act which leads them to jail for a long time. this man does not seem to have any interest other than his own. i would move to get away from him. i don't care how many masters degrees he has. there are probably wife beaters and rapists who are soldiers/doctors whatever. he should not get access to 'the kid' as he calls her.

For 12 years I very much doubt it was a case of them being supposedly drunk and her not being able to give informed consent.

SirBoobAlot Wed 08-May-13 13:31:08

Fucking hell.

I hope that poor woman is okay, and protects her child.

Then again, it was the same website that told me to forgive exP the first time he was violent to me because he'd been having a tough time. So not entirely surprising.

GoblinGranny Wed 08-May-13 13:34:47

Oh don't get confused ladies, it wasn't raping his wife he was sent down for, it was someone else.
He may well have raped the mother of his child, but he'd probably count that as 'not treating her well' because they were in a relationship, so the right to sex whenever he wanted was a given. And he only pushed her down the stairs when she wasn't pregnant. hmm

Seriously SirBoob? shock

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 08-May-13 13:35:38

I see some posters are not supporting him thouugh...

JerseySpud Wed 08-May-13 13:41:27

Gobsmacked that some think its ok for him to waltz back into that little girls life and announce his presence sad

TunipTheVegedude Wed 08-May-13 13:42:40

I am amazed how many people on that thread have said that everyone deserves a second chance, like it's an unalterable truth.

KoreRenati Wed 08-May-13 13:50:15

I do hope that's a troll. The posters who are telling him to just walk away are spot on, I especially liked the quote about every child deserving a father but not every father deserving a child.

The bit that gets me is the disclaimer that she wasn't pregnant when he pushed her downstairs, as if that makes it better?!

SparkleToffee Wed 08-May-13 13:51:52

wow.... I cant believe how many women on that site are full of advice re contact/ solicitors letters / writing to her himself..... I know a fair few condemn him, but I am surprised how many people are full of what they perceive to be helpful suggestions!

I think they are vastly underestimating, if all she remembers of him is a truly violent man, how terrified she will be by him contacting her. And how scared she will be about letting him anywhere near his child.

Shocking

MonstrousPippin Wed 08-May-13 13:59:11

I can't quite put my finger on it but there's something about his writing style that really reminds me of old school trolling - lots of drip feeding details and contradictions, calm and patronising to really wind people up etc.

Despite that, he's obviously believable to some people and I'm amazed at people giving tips on gaining contact. The only decent advice he's received on there is to walk away and let his daughter get on with her life.

Heleneahandcart1 Wed 08-May-13 14:03:18

Well after reading one of his last comments i am now convinced its a troll. However its more worrying that there are parents on there willing to champion the rights of a violent rapist over the safety and wellbeing of a child. However this is the same forum who had mods telling posters to be 'helpful and kind' to a mother who was looking for ways to prevent social services from discovering her boyfriend was biting and hitting her child, everyone who protested got booted and banned!

FasterStronger Wed 08-May-13 14:03:55

I think he does deserve a life after he has completed his prison sentence and admitted his guilt. but I don't know if that includes seeing his DC. it depends on what is best for the child.

DP & I have an old (ex for reasons that will become clear) friend who was arrested for accessing child pornography websites. logically I would like to say we should maintain some sort of contact with him. otherwise he can just create a new life and pretend nothing happened. however in practice i cannot pretend its ok because it is very far from ok & i regret ever knowing him.

he lost his wife and job and he deserved it.

SirBoobAlot Wed 08-May-13 14:07:54

Schro yes. I hadn't worked out how to name change on here, and exP knew my posting name, so I joined up on there to post, just because I wanted some perspective. ExP grabbed me by the throat, threw me on the bed and screamed in my face, whilst squeezing my throat till I saw stars, all with DS in the room with us.

But because he'd been having a tough time recently, I should forgive him hmm. Stupid thing is I listened.

Heleneahandcart1 Wed 08-May-13 14:17:22

Sirboob thats awful, both what your ex done and the 'advice' you got.

SirBoobAlot Wed 08-May-13 14:23:41

He was a twat. What he was dealing with had been tough, but I should have left him then, not spent the next six months terrified of him.

That is really awful. It is terrifying that there are people who think that is helpful advice.

Samu2 Wed 08-May-13 14:26:05

They have removed it now.

was absolutely shocked at what i was reading

it went away as i got to page 6!

unbelievable shock

SirBoobAlot Wed 08-May-13 14:31:04

Glad it's gone now, at least.

PrincessScrumpy Wed 08-May-13 14:32:23

I've only had a scan through. I guess if I was the child I might like to know my dad wanted to see me even if he didn't get to. Feeling rejected by a parent, what ever the reason, is very damaging. Don't think id let him have contact if I was the mother though.

HootShoot Wed 08-May-13 14:35:02

Wow, I cant believe some of the women on there - turning on the ones who spoke sense! I find it frightening how people can so easily dismiss rape and dv, and not see how manipulative "Sam" was being. It went poof before I got to the end - did he get exposed for being a troll?

Princess Really? Even if he was a violent rapist who pushed your Mother down the stairs?

I've been in a similar position only with my Mother, not my Father, she is an enabler to men like this and abusive in her own ways as well. The only times she got to see me have been damaging. She pleaded her "I've learned blah blah". Consequences of that were her trying to kidnap me with her paedophile bf at age 3 and her partner "playing doctor" with me, at my Fathers funeral...

Her later attempt to see me at age 12 when I demanded I wanted to see her had social services step in, her partner (a different person) at that point is now in prison for murdering someone who I sat with while with them, the guy that was murdered was 7 years older than me, chopped up and hid under my Mothers floor boards. (If anyone thinks I am making this shit up then I will happily link them to the newspaper articles).

Some relationships are not worth giving a chance, for the safety of those who should be considered first.

everlong Wed 08-May-13 14:39:41

I knew it would be Nuthuns by just reading the title.

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