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To let this make me feel sick to the stomach

(67 Posts)
Worriedmumofan8yearoldgirl Mon 06-May-13 22:39:27

I know I am being incredibly paranoid but this has seriously stopped me sleeping. I've had the horrendous realisation that my children at no point have ever consented to me sharing their images with my friends and family on the Internet or indeed entering their images into competitions or onto forums etc.

I have removed the choice from them to have their childhood photos shared with people. I have removed their right to anonymity and privacy.

This isn't a paedo scare by any stretch its my realisation of what an invasion of their space me sharing these photos with people is, and indeed allowing friends and family to take and share these photos.

I'd hate it, and indeed do, if people share old photos of me, so what gives me the right to take that choice from my children.

I sound like a right paranoid nut job don't I but this has seriously been worrying me for a while now and made me want to remove all trace of them from the Internet where I can, but I've forgotten passwords, used old email addresses etc.

I know iabu here but please help me try and rationalise my thinking!

ICanTotallyDance Wed 08-May-13 10:07:44

Not a problem with under 5s, I'd say. From 5-8 or so I'd post only to 'private' sites (Facebook with privacy settings so only friends can see, etc) and make sure not to post any photos they're unhappy with (no matter how cute!) From nine or ten it really becomes their choice, and definitely by the time they're 13 or so.

Greythorne Wed 08-May-13 09:59:40

OP - If you google your child's name now, what comes up?

I have posted a few pics of my DC on to FB, but they are not tagged and the photos are private to friends only so these images do NOT appear in a google search.

I think you are overthinking this.

PenelopeLane Wed 08-May-13 09:53:45

TBH this has occurred to me as well although it hasn't stopped me uploading pics and not something I lose sleep over.

I think my concern is what someone said up thread about helping your kids maintain dignity. I think I'm especially aware of this as I have a friend who loves to tell rude stories about her DCs - things like talking about her son's foreskin, or stories of her DCs masturbation. It was all well and good when they were young, but now they're older I feel embarrassed for them - especially the boy - that i know these stories. I know that's not quite the same as worrying about pics, but I think that as parents it is worth being aware of actions that could undermine your children's dignity later. 99% of pics wouldn't do this anyway, but it's still worth keeping in the back of your mind.

Fakebook Wed 08-May-13 09:36:00

Rambo, I don't know, I'd ask her now except she died a long time ago. On a plus note though, I know for sure none of our old friends have any embarrassing pics of us as children. My mother was over protective and a bit control freaky. That's the only explanation I have.

loopydoo Tue 07-May-13 18:34:10

Merkinmaker....DH has been specifically briefed about pictures of the children online....it was whilst they were on posted at the defence academy about two yrs ago.

MerkinMaker Tue 07-May-13 17:08:33

loopydo - dh is in the armed forces and he has never been told that. They are told about internet security etc especially concerning military pics but not famillies. Also the security briefs I have been on (due to where we prevously lived) they never mentioned children from a persec senario. That's probably why other forces familiy have pictures on their facebook. However there are still people who put flight details even when specifically told not to.

Dh is strict with his social media and doesn't have any military information or pics so people wouldn't know he is in the military from that.

I have pictures of ds on my fb but I don't have loads and only nice ones and as others have said surely they can't be searched for as they are not tagged with a profile. I will be teaching him when he is older to be careful with what he posts as nothing truly disappears from the internet.

PatPig Tue 07-May-13 14:24:56

WTAF?

rambososcar Tue 07-May-13 13:53:50

"I suppose she was a bit protective about pictures getting into the wrong hands."

Eh? What in goodness name do you think might have happened to you if the photos ended up "in the wrong hands"? confused Apart, that is, if for example they were of you in a distinctive school uniform and your mother was in hiding from a violent ex?

Crinkle77 Tue 07-May-13 13:48:41

If your children are small then I don't think they will even be able to comprehend what your dilemma is about. If they are older teenage children then maybe you could ask if they minded. They might not want all your friends seeing them in a terrible pose

Fakebook Tue 07-May-13 12:14:35

I understand what you mean, even though you come across a bit OTT.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. My Mum never let anyone take photos of us without getting the prints off them. Even close friends. Only family and relatives had permission to take photos. She was really quite strict about it for some reason. I suppose she was a bit protective about pictures getting into the wrong hands.

I've put up pics of dd on FB since she was a baby. There must be hundreds and hundreds of her, but all only visible to close friends and family and I sometimes wonder if my mum would have approved of this. I have thought about stopping posting pics of dd once she's older, but this is something I will decide and she can decide in the future. It's funny how the world has changed regarding things like this.

Helltotheno Tue 07-May-13 11:57:35

I don't think that it is healthy to be upset (as an adult)

I wouldn't be upset honeytea but it would be my distinct preference that there not be lots of pictures out there of me. I'm entitled to have that view, as is anyone else, and I don't think it would be right to brush someone's opinion off just because you have a different one!

honeytea Tue 07-May-13 11:47:59

I think that maybe you need to address your own issues around your image op, I don't think that it is healthy to be upset (as an adult) if someone was to share a photo of your teenage self or a grumpy toddler pic. Maybe your dd is picking up on your negative feelings about self image.

I do share photos of my ds on facebook and if the only thing he has to worry about as an adult is that his loving caring mother shared childhood photos of him then I will feel like he is a very lucky boy and I have done a good job as a mum.

stargirl1701 Tue 07-May-13 11:33:30

I understand. I have not posted any photos of DD online except the one in the newspaper as it was published anyway. I don't feel I have the right to post her photos on my social network.

Helltotheno Tue 07-May-13 11:31:07

Yanbu at all OP. To look at this from another perspective, I don't tend to overly share personal details with people I don't know well or with new people i meet etc about my past, my age etc etc, so if I right now thought there were a load of photos 'out there' of me when I was young, a baby, going to school, doing things that would 'place' me in a particular scenario, I'd be very pissed off. In that sense, I would consider it an invasion of privacy over which I had no control at the time, even though not meant harmfully.

I honestly think it's very positive that you've thought of your child as an actual person (rather than just your child) who may well have distinct opinions in the future that may involve not being overly happy with something you've done, even innocently. Good for you for having that insight.

pigletmania Tue 07-May-13 11:27:47

Yabvu in the nicest of ways. Calm down have a wine

Maggie111 Tue 07-May-13 11:18:56

Are you going through other problems and anxieties in your life right now? I can understand why some people have those attitudes but these sound like they are recently developed and I wonder if actually they're symptomatic of some issues you're having at the minute?

Something to think about.

BlackAffronted Tue 07-May-13 09:53:13

I was in the local paper quite a bit as a child, for various school & sport events. It has in no way affected my life.

Patchouli Tue 07-May-13 09:51:23

Well to be fair I'm not particularly into social media anyway.
Mumsnet is about the only thing I go on.
Twitbook etc don't really appeal to me.

GreenLeafTea Tue 07-May-13 09:38:21

On a Facebook page for a village I used to live in, someone uploaded a photo with me in it that was taken about 25 years ago. Another person named everyone in the picture and yes, my 14 year old self looked bloody awful.

It really doesn't bother me though. It's just a photo and I say this as someone who was a very camera-shy teen.

MoominsYonisAreScary Tue 07-May-13 09:34:19

ram not to mention their friends, there's always some dodgy looking picture of ds1 being posted by his friends after a weekend out

rambososcar Tue 07-May-13 09:28:11

Patchouli? confused You don't put up photos because your children have no say in it? Young children have no say on whether they go to Sainsbury's with their parents, whether they wear a red or a blue coat which may not be flattering. That's what parents do, make decisions in which children have no say.

I'm trying to say what Tee has here btw, that this is a minor thing clouding a bigger issue for the OP.

I'm taking it that few of the parents with concerns have teenagers? When they get to that age they are the ones plastering far more photos over the net than any parent!

MiaowTheCat Tue 07-May-13 09:18:32

So basically we're all agreed that the 80s just needs obliterating from history in general.

Patchouli Tue 07-May-13 09:11:13

I don't put pictures up of my DD's for the very reason that they have no say in it. There are a couple out there - but only ones that are public anyway: local paper / school sports etc.

I know that 80s perm grin and wouldn't want every Tom Dick & Harry looking through my childhood family album.

elmerelephant Tue 07-May-13 09:08:00

I do think it is a possible issue, especially if you have an unusual name, I now have a bog standard name, so if anyone googles me, there are thousands of hits, but my naiden name is a different matter, only my family have it. If I still had that name I would be very careful of what I posted online.

MoominsYonisAreScary Tue 07-May-13 09:01:38

miaow yep same thing happened to me, lovely perm for all to see.

Ds1 is 18 and doesn't care what photos i add, although i do make sure they are nice ones!

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