Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

To let this make me feel sick to the stomach

(67 Posts)
Worriedmumofan8yearoldgirl Mon 06-May-13 22:39:27

I know I am being incredibly paranoid but this has seriously stopped me sleeping. I've had the horrendous realisation that my children at no point have ever consented to me sharing their images with my friends and family on the Internet or indeed entering their images into competitions or onto forums etc.

I have removed the choice from them to have their childhood photos shared with people. I have removed their right to anonymity and privacy.

This isn't a paedo scare by any stretch its my realisation of what an invasion of their space me sharing these photos with people is, and indeed allowing friends and family to take and share these photos.

I'd hate it, and indeed do, if people share old photos of me, so what gives me the right to take that choice from my children.

I sound like a right paranoid nut job don't I but this has seriously been worrying me for a while now and made me want to remove all trace of them from the Internet where I can, but I've forgotten passwords, used old email addresses etc.

I know iabu here but please help me try and rationalise my thinking!

Numberlock Mon 06-May-13 22:40:53

What do you think could happen?

Worriedmumofan8yearoldgirl Mon 06-May-13 22:41:34

Nothing could happen, it's not a case of who sees them it's about me removing the element of choice from my children and how they will feel about it

Ponyofdoom Mon 06-May-13 22:42:03

First World problem. They won't care? You obviously haven't got enough real problems to worry about smile

QOD Mon 06-May-13 22:42:40

This seems a bit ott

You ok?

Worriedmumofan8yearoldgirl Mon 06-May-13 22:43:12

Thanks Pony but seriously I have more than enough problems to worry about which is why my brain has gone into overdrive over this triviality

Worriedmumofan8yearoldgirl Mon 06-May-13 22:43:40

Not really QOD which is why me thinking like this has got me worried

Ponyofdoom Mon 06-May-13 22:43:58

Sorry I was a bit thoughtless. Really though you shouldn't worry about it though.

HotCrossPun Mon 06-May-13 22:44:24

I don't know anybody who has ever objected to people seeing pictures of them from when they were children.

They won't care.

I did think about this today when I posted some pics to fb. Dd was ok with most of them, but there was one she didn't want sharing. I don't think that YABU as they get older (little kids can't really give permission)

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 06-May-13 22:45:43

I don't think we can help you rationalise it.

I'm trying to muster up a decent level of worry and paranoia and I just can't. So I guess if it bothers you enough to stop you sleeping, the best thing to do is get to work removing everything.

TattyBoomBoom Mon 06-May-13 22:45:50

I think this is an interesting modern dilemma as we're raising the first generation where this is a consideration. My DH and I have discussed this, it's not an odd thing to think about!

How public are the images? If on Facebook only visible to selected family/friends then it should be fine, but bear in mind where your child's full name is posted as it may come up on internet searches in years to come (future employers, friends, etc might find).

TwinkleTits Mon 06-May-13 22:46:57

Ok, big time OTT, but I sort if hear where you're coming from.

I hate it when a mum of and older child posts photos of their child looking like shit when they are ill, sleeping in a funny position or with the mouth open, or something along those lines.

Ive posted lots of baby and toddler pics, I personally wouldn't give a crap if my baby or toddler pics were online, I look totally different now.

But my eldest is 6 now and I, beginning to respect his 'right' to have privacy. Id certainly not put up photos liked I described above.

However, I haven't lost sleep over it. I just decided and moved on.

You should too.

Why on earth would they care? Why do you care so much if it even slightly bothers them anyway? You didn't do it with bad intentions and into each life a little rain must fall, hardly end of the world?

YABU.

Worriedmumofan8yearoldgirl Mon 06-May-13 22:47:43

Recent ones are Facebook only. But early ones aren't. Also the kids birth father shares his photos without consideration which bothers me too

bootsycollins Mon 06-May-13 22:49:36

You have the right to make choices for your children because your their mother and you have their best interests at heart. Your projecting your feelings about photos onto your kids, parents like sharing photos of their kids it's no big deal, relax.

Worriedmumofan8yearoldgirl Mon 06-May-13 22:51:00

Why would they care?

Well my 8 year old daughter is showing signs of an eating disorder and is really conscious of how she looks and especially hates photos being taken of her eating or near food. She also makes a Huge issue of checking every photo taken of her.

I worry mainly about how she will react.

Maryz Mon 06-May-13 22:51:56

I think you are over-reacting, but your post has a premise in fact.

My children were too old by the time Facebook came in for this to be a problem. But they are all very careful about what goes online. They aske their friends to untag or delete unflattering photos. dd in particular is very careful about what goes online.

I do think that there will be some major rows in households in the future when children realise that pictures of them with droopy nappies or snotty noses are available for their schoolfriends to see.

But feeling sick to the stomach is a bit of an over-reaction. Just go through and delete the crap ones.

ryanboy Mon 06-May-13 22:55:45

Take them down then.Problem solved!

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Mon 06-May-13 22:56:42

Worried - I have no idea what else is going on in your life, but I don't think posting in AIBU is going to help you. This is a total non issue - our children are growing up in an age where this is the 'norm' - they wont be affected by it. The fact that you are so overly worried about this scares me and I hope you can get some help to deal with whatever is causing you to be this anxious x

You need to address the body image issues your daughter has, rather than the photos thing. It's a bit like worrying about having calorific food in the house if your daughter has an eating disorder.

squeakytoy Mon 06-May-13 22:58:38

OP, would you have a problem if your parents had given out photos of you as a child, if relatives or friends of your parents had photos of you in an album or on slides somewhere?

Its an image.. nothing more.

QueenoftheWildThings Mon 06-May-13 23:00:03

I don't think it would stop me sleeping, but I do sort of know where you are coming from. My SIL emails around to the family pictures of her son naked (they are cute, he's a baby) but it does make me uncomfortable because he doesn't have a choice and it seems like its undermining his dignity somehow. He is little, but he does still have a right to privacy and respect and if he can't assert that right himself then his mother should be doing it for him, rather than emailing pictures of his naked butt to all and sundry. I don't feel worried about the usual 'here we are on a day out with the family' type snaps, just the ones that would or could embarrass or humiliate later in life. I think this might be a minority view though, everyone else thinks they are straightforwardly adorable, so I might just be weird.

Misknit Mon 06-May-13 23:03:48

They are growing up in a different time. Things have changed very quickly. The photos from my childhood are horrific because because of film and it being click and hope for the best. They are also limited because processing was seen as expensive. And many are ruined because my dad left them in a damp garage after a move sad I would rather have more. My husband has even fewer and it's something he's often upset about.

I have hundred if photos of pfb. I've uploaded many on FB to share easily with friends and family around the world. The privacy settings mean they are shared with people who I would share a physical album with (if it wouldn't actually bore them to tears). I've been able to edit them and add filters to make them look their best. It keeps them in a chronological order for me.

I am also crap at backup and have had far too many harddrives die on me. If my children are embarrassed when they're older I'll deal with it then but I think they will see it as normal in the future.

Worriedmumofan8yearoldgirl Mon 06-May-13 23:04:01

Squeaky, yes, I really don't like photos of me as a pre-19 year old. I especially don't like ones that could be used to laugh at me.

I feel the same about my children, that they should be allowed the right to say 'oi, that's a horrible photo, delete it now!'

With everything being searchable it's concerning that by the time they enter the world of work, you can sling their names into google and get their entire life in all it's photographic glory.

Just doesn't sit right with me for some reason.

And yes I know we need to address my daughters issues outside of this, and we are doing so.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now