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To wonder why the hell I was so stressed out after DC1?

(60 Posts)
Winetime1981 Mon 06-May-13 19:36:35

DS1 has just turned 2. DD1 was born three weeks ago. With DS1 I spent near enough two years in a constant state of anxiety and stress. Now I've had another I seriously wonder what I fussed about. She does nothing! It's bliss. I can vividly remember getting together with other new mums after DS1 and you'd think we'd all experienced living in a war torn country.

Does anyone else feel like this?

elliejjtiny Tue 07-May-13 13:52:23

I think you get less stressed the more children you have. My friend who has 2 children asks me how I stay so calm (I have 3 plus one on the way). I look at my other friend who has 5 children and wonder how she stays even calmer. However, I think the spinning plates bit is harder with more children. With 3 lots of hospital, dentist, piano etc plus my antenatal appointments I feel like I never stop.

Wishiwasanheiress Tue 07-May-13 13:08:19

Totes agree op. I remember dd1 with pain and pleasure. Dd2, just pleasure!

Fakebook Tue 07-May-13 12:25:16

I remember being on a high after dc2 was born. I came crashing down after a month of wearing myself out spectacularly. Take care of yourself. Keep up the vitamins to boost your immune system.

noblegiraffe Tue 07-May-13 12:17:30

Ah it's all relative. DC1 woke every 45 minutes so 3 hours is my great sleeper grin

*weak, not week, obviously, tends only to be the parents who think sleeping for a week is a good plan...

The first is psychologically difficult for a lot of people just because its all so new, and the responsibility can seem enormous. Obviously that is different with subsequent children, which makes it psychologically easier.

Other than that sleep makes a world of difference - some newborns sleep a lot, others never sleep/ have colic or reflux, only sleep when held upright...

Not all babies are the same. Not all experiences of motherhood are the same. Mothering several children on a good night's sleep (or just a couple of brief wake up to feed) is less stressful than one who never seems to sleep and screams when awake.

Comparing is nonsensical.

Also the baby who seems to be "good" or placid or a great sleeper at 5 days or 3 weeks or 15 weeks may suddenly decide at 4 months that sleep is for the week and may not sleep for 3 solid hours together again until he is nearly 2 DS2 so beware patting yourself on the back or developing a false sense of security too early evil grin

Havingamadmoment Tue 07-May-13 11:12:35

I agree after dc1 was born I remember it taking about an hour to get ready to go to the corner shop. Now I can get all 5 children ready and out the door in much less than that confused. It all seemed so terrifying with dc1 but now its just an average day. When I had dc5 people were saying "how will you manage" about this or that but in reality it exactly the same as before no different to before dc5 ever made an appearance!

noblegiraffe Tue 07-May-13 11:07:21

My second is 15 weeks and so far it has been a doddle. I was absolutely dreading the first year with her as with DC1 it was awful. He was a terrible sleeper and a fog of sleep deprivation clouded everything.

DD is a great sleeper, and happy to be left on her mat during the day while I do stuff. The sleep makes such a big difference. Even though she still feeds in the night she goes straight back to sleep and I don't have to spend hours frantically rocking her, begging her to go to sleep. It means that in the day I can cope so easily.

I remember leaving the house being a trial with just one and I was always late places. Now I can just chuck them both in the car or DD in the sling and just leave.

oinkment Tue 07-May-13 08:44:22

I sometimes have similar thoughts. I remember how bloody hard it was just getting out of the house with one small baby. Going for coffee felt like a major achievement. My husband used to leave me a packed lunch or I just would't eat. I could barely shower some days. No depression it was just that rock hard having a baby.

I recently had number 3 and barely broke my stride. Now the days where I just have the baby are relaxing and easy. I try and work out how one was so much harder than 3.

RubyOnRails Tue 07-May-13 08:42:35

No, I seriously was worried that the birth had damaged my brain...I had nerve damage from pushing for four hours. Had no ability to even read anything remotely taxing! Looking back though, it was tiredness and shock. At the time I felt as though I'd lost any intellectual ability, I was such a zombie esp in the first few months.

Good luck to all those worrying x

Winetime1981 Tue 07-May-13 08:31:48

Congrats Gobb! 'Surprises' are the best.

I agree with the poster who said they'd never got their sleep back after DC1 - and therefore DC2 was no shock. My DS1 STILL won't sleep through - DD who is three weeks old is up less.

Winetime1981 Tue 07-May-13 08:29:31

Ruby I really shouldn't laugh as it's probably not politically correct but 'I felt brain damaged with tiredness' is a pretty apt and hilarious description. It just made me splutter out my morning tea.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Italy Tue 07-May-13 08:24:15

cailin - sorry. I didn't see your posts. I'm really sorry you're feeling like you do

No words if wisdom but flowers

Gobbolinothewitchscat Italy Tue 07-May-13 08:22:46

This thread is giving me hope!

I'm unexpectedly pregnant with DC2 and DS is only 5 months old. So shitting myself slightly at 13 month age gap

I'm clinging on particularly to the post describing a second mat keave as a lovely holiday grin. I'm going to book mark this and read it in the middle if the night when the terror grips me!

CailinDana Tue 07-May-13 08:14:33

Thanks for that chunky chicken it's very encouraging. I am really worried about depression - i've had it before and it was hell. Feel awful today but i'm hanging in there.

RubyOnRails Tue 07-May-13 07:14:04

Haha, yes!

My first only started sleeping through when I had my second, so in effect I've been sleep deprived for three years. He was unplanned too, so massive emotional upheaval all tound. Was dreading number two..Hes six weeks old, and I look and feel a million times better this time around. I felt brain damaged with tiredness, was seriously worried that there was something wrong with me. This time, it's all good, bit knackered now and again but so far....I want a third. And he's no bother. smile

ChunkyChicken Tue 07-May-13 07:05:43

Callin as I said above, 10wks was a real low point for me. I'd had an amazingly easy delivery at home if labour & birth are ever 'easy' , DD met DS and it was beautiful. I felt invincible. I had energy, I bonded with DS brilliantly, I didn't even have the normal 'baby blues' - you know the ones, where you cry over a John Lewis advert every single time. He was even tongue-tied but I still managed to bf.

Then things started sliding - I had to get out & about more for DD, Christmas was when he was 6/7wo, DD then DH got ill. Then I got blocked duct after blocked duct, mastitis & DH started being a bit of a cock helping out less and I just felt so stressed!! I couldn't keep on top of the housework, spend time with DD and feed DS. So I stopped worrying about the housework. smile

Things are fine now. The house is a state & I still struggle a little juggling the needs of 2 but I feel better - more like I was with DD.

So do be aware if things aren't improving or are more than just taking a little longer to settle down, speak to your HV about PND etc but in a few wks, you will prob feel better as I did.

CailinDana Mon 06-May-13 22:14:20

Not too bad winetime - i had her at home and it was fine apart from a long pushing stage as she was back to back. She's a great baby - currently asleep and should be that way till at least 3-i think it's me that's the problem. I'm keeping a sharp eye out for pnd.

NaturalBaby Mon 06-May-13 22:09:05

I was the same. Then Ds2 started crawling, then he started talking - now he never stops talking. They used to sit together and play angelically. Now they spend most of the day grabbing, pushing, shouting, stomping, running, throwing themselves at each other - they are 3 and 4.
Oh how I miss those early weeks of having a toddler and a baby - enjoy winetime and make the most of it!!

Winetime1981 Mon 06-May-13 22:09:01

Oh Cailin! How was labour this time?

CailinDana Mon 06-May-13 22:03:20

It's totally the other way round for me. With ds (dc1) i had a great time. He was a shit sleeper but even that didn't bother me. He's now 2 and dd (dc2) is 10 weeks. I feel like hell. I'm horribly anxious and wound up. It sucks.

PoppyAmex Portugal Mon 06-May-13 21:42:06

"After I had my first, I felt so altered all the time. I remember watching something on television and thinking, I should find this funny or at least engaging or something but I was numb to everything else apart from this low level hum of anxiety which sometimes increased to a high level feeling of utter panic."

That's a remarkable description; exactly how I felt, ShowofHands.
Now pregnant with DC2 <panics>

Twattybollocks Mon 06-May-13 21:28:01

After dreading the arrival of much wanted dc3, she's actually a breeze and I'm also wondering what the hell I was doing with the other two. Ds was a colic/reflux/dairy intolerance nightmare. Dd1 was tongue tied and very demanding, cried almost constantly. My nerves were frazzled. Dd2 is tongue/lip tied, also has cmpi and reflux, and also has terrible wind, wo technically she should be even more miserable than the other two, but for some reason despite all of this is the most happy, easy going, pleasant little soul. She sleeps, she feeds, she poos, she smiles, she plays for a bit, she rubs her eyes, I give her her dummy and she goes to sleep. Job done.
Some babies are just naturally more easy going than others, some are very demanding.

5madthings Mon 06-May-13 21:04:49

I had the same experience, I now have five and its still easier than when ds1 was a baby!

Winetime1981 Mon 06-May-13 20:57:35

Absolutely GirlWith - and in my case living with 24/7 high anxiety...so I'm very used to it! But DD seems to have brought a certain calm. I'm not totally calm but certainly calmer.

Maddening - DD1 (DC2) wasn't planned and I spent nine months sooo worried about the prospect of two. I needn't have!

MamaMary - yep far more straightforward birth for DC2. Funny how the labour affects things eh?!

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