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AIBU and need to get a grip on myself?

(60 Posts)
SoleSource England Mon 06-May-13 15:56:51

I am single Mum' aged 39, very overweight. DS is 14, blind Autistic, naughy' behavioural issues. The few friend's i have i rarely see and the have their.own problems.

I am always alone, no.job, on benefits, house is a shitty mess, no motivation to clean.

Mu DS spends all his time at home in bed.
I feel really alone and low.

I am better off than some i this wotld. Maybe i'm judt a fat, slob.

SoleSource England Mon 06-May-13 16:57:24

Jammy did you take anti depressants? Will they help me for circumstantial depression.

NaturalBaby Mon 06-May-13 17:02:14

What used to drive you and motivate you? Something creative? Further study?
You need short term goals and longer term goals to work towards that will give you a sense of achievement and pride in yourself as an individual - you are not just your Ds's mother and carer but it's really hard to carve out some time for yourself, not impossible though!
Do you get any respite care?

SoleSource England Mon 06-May-13 17:11:28

Once every other week. Overnight.

3.30pm to 2.30pm next day

JammyDodger1 Mon 06-May-13 17:12:17

I took them years ago when dd2 was born as it was a really difficult time with lots of things, but they did nothing for me I'm afraid, but that's not to say they won't for you but I would like to think tablets be a last resort.

I'm no expert but you call it Circumstantial depression and that really says to me circumstances need to change to help you, and I really am no expert but am always willing to chat if you can put up with my drivel grin

Sole I had the same problem (depressed & demotivated) for different reasons.

I am slowly trying to get on top of things by not looking at the whole messy house but in bite size chunks. That has really helped.

Also by recognising bad days & just setting myself a tiny target, shower,wash hair & clean clothes.

On better days I target one area of decluttering, take a black bin liner, and a box, do the Flylady thing, bin it or recycle it. Just for one area or 15 minutes whichever you can cope with.

It's taking bloody forever but I CAN start to see a difference.

I have a dog too so I HAVE to get out with her every day & that helped me tremendously. (Not suggesting getting one!) but even a short walk outside every day to the shop for a paper maybe, if someone can sit with your boy especially now the weather is better can really lift the spirits. You should be able to get respite for that I would think? Maybe not every day but a few times a week. Do you have a SW for support?

I found gradually I could do a bit further & further without needing to get home or feeling knackered. Still long way to go but little victories!

One step at a time, sweetie it's bloody hard for you.

Keep chatting to us.

HollyBerryBush Mon 06-May-13 17:15:47

sole your whole situation has become a cycle.

One thing has to "give" in that cycle - it may be an extended period of respite residential care, it may be that when you get your finances straight you can afford a carer or cleaner to come in regularly.

Little steps n'all that.

But if you are feeling this low, you need to see a doctor. You've already called SS, pressure them for more help. Whilst you do the lions share, the state will be more than happy for you to do that and you will get no intervention.

I'm not well read enough to do anything other than generalise, just give you some pointers.

JammyDodger1 Mon 06-May-13 17:17:25

You know what Bossy I was thinking a dog might be an idea, company and exercise smile

HollyBerryBush Mon 06-May-13 17:20:28

But a dog will be a bigger burden? If Sole only gets minimum respite care, how is she going to exercise a dog? Who will sit with the lad?

Finances are tight, buying it, feeding it, chipping it, inoculating it, and so forth.

Things would have to change dramatically before the idea of a dog is mooted!

SoleSource England Mon 06-May-13 17:22:45

Thzank ypu Bossy x

Holly you are dead right!

I do not like my neighbour and have put off going out for walks oncase i see her, i am on Homeswapper trying to move out.

SoleSource England Mon 06-May-13 17:24:06

A dog is too much needs caring for and i don't want that yet

If we get child tax credits o can do so much more.

JammyDodger1 Mon 06-May-13 17:26:59

Yes, sorry, maybe a dog not the thing at the moment was just thinking out loud.

SoleSource England Mon 06-May-13 17:27:53

Jammy do you think i should just.let.the social worker see the state of my hous

Does your ds have an individual budget? Do you get carers to take him out? He really shouldn't be spending all his time in bed. What's his school like?

Have a think about residential school. I had to go through that with my ds (autistic with behavioral problems!). He's really happy there and I have energy at the weekends when he comes home.

Please make it clear to the SW that you CANNOT carry on like this <identifies with the endless pooing emoticon> x

JammyDodger1 Mon 06-May-13 17:29:37

Is your thinking behind that so the SW sees you are not coping well?

I'm sure your SW has seen much worse Sole and at least you are acknowledging there is a problem and asking for support which always looks positive.

There may be solutions you haven't thought/heard of, but please ask.

HollyBerryBush Mon 06-May-13 17:32:37

sole I think you should. I'm surprised with the level of care your son needs, they aren't popping in regularly. Nothing untoward will happen, I know the SS get a lot of bad press, but they are there to help.

SoleSource England Mon 06-May-13 17:33:12

tallwiv i think getting him to residential school will be a nightlare but i'm going to try, endless pooing like a hobby..

Yes, jammy sad

So embarrassing and fear i will be fobbed off, monitored and trezyed likr a two year old

MrsDeVere Mon 06-May-13 17:36:54

I was going to suggest residential school as an option.
It is hard to get the funding but it could be the making of you both.
Lots of kids with ASD thrive in the controlled and predictable environment of a good specialised school.

JammyDodger1 Mon 06-May-13 17:38:33

Aw Love, yes then, like holly says, they are there to help but I know how you feel,
I felt like that when midwives came round after dc were born and spent all morning cleaning to look like the perfect mother but you have to show then an accurate picture so they know how best to help you, and they won't judge you at all, they are there to help thanks

Would it help you to write down some questions for them?
Whenever I am on a situation I know I will feel uncomfortable with I need a plan or I forget things I wanted to say/ask.

SoleSource England Mon 06-May-13 17:38:35

smile MrsDevere

I want to apply for residential school for me too. Get out of this stale life

RedHelenB Mon 06-May-13 17:38:44

I take it your son is at school for six hours every day so you have that time to yourself? Use that time to join a group & make new friends or to spend say an hour a day tackling one part of your house. If your son is mainly in his bedroom then presumably it is your mess in the rest of the house so if you get a grip on that you will feel better. And lastly, make sure you go out for a walk every day - nothing like fresh air to beat the blues.

JammyDodger1 Mon 06-May-13 17:47:03

When is SW coming Sole smile

SoleSource England Mon 06-May-13 17:50:13

True Helen smile thank you

Called her on Friday, jammy no reply yet

Hope child protection doesn't get involved.

All i need is that

RedHelenB Mon 06-May-13 17:58:35

Why would CP get involved - you're caring for him. But untidy houses do get you down ( mine currently a real mess but will get to grips with it tomorrow pm when I'm back from work & kids are at school)

JammyDodger1 Mon 06-May-13 18:00:24

I'm not sure how long they take to reply either, but don't get ahead of yourself and start worrying about things that haven't happened.

Firstly, a boost of confidence is required to make you feel better about yourself and the rest can come later, baby steps remember?

The beauty of being on here is you have lots of advice at your finger tips from a massive range of people with all sorts of experience in many many areas and are happy to help and encourage you in any way they can.
smile

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