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I ditched my friend and her reaction has annoyed me AIBU (an unreasonably long post!)

27 replies

giraffacake · 06/05/2013 14:50

The not so Short Story:

My friend (we'll call her Fiona) decided to audition for the X Factor a couple of weeks ago. She decided to go alone as all of her family and friends were busy. A few days before she was due to audition I suddenly became available to go with her but did not offer. She rang me up and after a long talk I agreed that I would go with her. The day before the audition I became extremely anxious (more on this later) and told her that I would be unable to join her but still supported her and would be there for her if she needed to ring me. She went ballistic, decided to stop talking to me and told our other friend (Hannah) that she shouldn't talk to me either.

The Long Story and the Bigger Picture :

Recently, I left my University course to move back across the country to live with my parents. This was largely due to depression and anxiety (which I have suffered from for a long time). Fiona knows that I am struggling at the moment; I find it almost impossible to leave the house for long periods of time without becoming extremely anxious and distressed.

A week before the X Factor audition Fiona persistently and repeatedly rang my parents house (up to 4 times in an hour) so as to "encourage" me to get out of the house. She said that if I did not come and see her then she would drive to my parents house and come inside anyway. These types of conversation were usually at unreasonable hours (after 10pm). I appreciate that she was trying to help- in her own way- however her behaviour was considerably controlling.

Indeed, Fiona is an extremely controlling and explosive person. She becomes aggressively upset over the most ridiculous situations; she once styled my hair for me before going out and went ballistic when I brushed it through when she had finished (I hate my hair going crispy from hairspray). The evening was pretty much ruined and she sulked all night and refused to speak to me at all for 2 hours. She also frequently tells me that she's only my friend because she "needs a female friend". She fell out with her last group of friends during a holiday during which she allegedly threw a chair at another girl during an argument (she denies this) and then flew home alone. I have a thousand more incidents which I could mention but I appreciate that this is become an extremely long post! well done for sticking through it

In the week preceding Fiona's X Factor audition I tried to 'psyche' myself up to leave the house. I rationalised that I'd have to go and that it would be good for me to try and conquer my anxieties. However, the closer we got to the day of the audition the more worried I became. I couldn't function properly as all. My mum told me that she did not think I was in a fit state to go at all. I messaged Fiona and said that I was having some reservations; I was worried about the large crowd sizes and having to stay in a hotel room over night if she got through the first round. I didn't say that I wasn't going, just that I was concerned. She got very angry and replied with a message saying that I aa terrible person and friend and that I'd left her to face it all alone (even though she had planned to go alone for months). I apologised endlessly and told her that I was just in a really bad place and that I should never have said yes in the first place. She ignored all future messages but I sent her one on the day of the audition conveying support and luck, etc.

Fast forward a week and she posts an angry facebook status about "bitchy backstabbing" friends. Turns out she had become very angry with our close mutual friend Hannah because she was still speaking to me following the audition. Hannah said that it was nothing to do with her although she did agree that it was annoying of me to have ditched her like that.

I'm becoming increasingly annoyed with her immature way of dealing with things. She refuses to see things from the other side of the coin and whilst I agree that what I did was wrong I do not think it has warranted this type of reaction. AIBU to not want to maintain this friendship? This is just the cherry on the cake of a long list of things.

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CoteDAzur · 06/05/2013 14:53

Don't be friends with her if you don't want to. And I didn't have to read that long OP to say that.

How old are you & friends? You sound like you all have a lot of free time on your hands.