To Think This is a Step Too Far - School Related...

(61 Posts)
Rockinhippy Sun 05-May-13 23:39:22

DD was chattering earlier - tells me her friend was in trouble in school last week for fighting - twice losing it & hitting & hurting other boys in class - he's usually a good kid & not often in trouble, but as a result lost a bit of "Golden Time" - which is standard punishment at DDs school.

She then goes onto to tell me that he was grounded by his Mum for getting into trouble at school - I would have done exactly the same thing - at some point the teacher had asked what he was going to be doing that evening & he'd told her he was grounded -

The teacher, whom I usually have a lot of respect for, apparently replied - "oh no, that's not on, I need to write a letter to your Mum, you have lost Golden Time, we deal with punishment in School, your mum shouldn't be punishing you at home too" shock -

I have seen similar - "reminders to parents, that we deal with misbehaviour in school, further punishments at home are not required & are to be discouraged" in school news letters.

TBH it didn't really register properly with me at that point, but hearing about DDs friend today brought it home - to my mind, the school are completely over stepping the mark, especially directly undermining DDs friends DM directly to him - if it were me I would be fuming.

AIBU ??

Nehru Sun 05-May-13 23:40:52

oh find something else to worry about

really

thenightsky Sun 05-May-13 23:41:07

Its so complicated these days confused

<old gimmer>

Rockinhippy Sun 05-May-13 23:44:30

Nehru jog on & find another thread to bitch wink

Old gimmer here too thenight - perhaps that's why I'm just not getting it confused

Purpleprickles Sun 05-May-13 23:44:56

I guess the schools point is that they have given a punishment which in their eyes is effective and suitable to the behaviour so there is no need for the child to be punished twice. If you look at it that way it's the school looking out for the child in a sense.

Or you could choose to look at it as the school over stepping the boundaries and telling parents how to parent.

AgentZigzag Sun 05-May-13 23:47:30

Even though I tend to do the same and not discipline DD more than a bit of a lecture and <disappointed face> if she's been punished for something at school, it's not for the school to think they've got the authority to involve themselves in whatever the parents think is a reasonable way to deal with their DCs bad behaviour.

LooseyMy Sun 05-May-13 23:48:29

Actually I agree. I never bollock ds for something he's already been bollocked for.

Littleturkish Sun 05-May-13 23:49:15

I'd worry about what had happened for them to come up with such a rule!

TigerSwallowTail Mon 06-May-13 00:07:15

I agree with you OP, the teacher was definitely overstepping the mark, she shouldn't be undermining your friend like that.

juniper9 Mon 06-May-13 00:36:15

I've had parents tell me that they're going to smack their kids over things that have happened in school.

My school's policy is that we don't tell parents unless there are two incidents in one week. Otherwise we keep it in house. If children want to tell their parents then fine.

DrCoconut Mon 06-May-13 00:37:11

I have never got unduly stressed by golden time to be honest. DS never understood it due to his SN and went most weeks having lost most if not all of it because of his ASD behaviour (no one recognised it for years and he was not even in the system for diagnosis for years). I would say a one off that has been dealt with is not worth sweating over. Repeated bad behaviour is a different matter.

Machli Mon 06-May-13 00:45:15

I agree with the school.

Booyhoo Mon 06-May-13 00:51:04

the teacher definitey shouldn;t have said that to the child.

however i agree with the school. the parent punishing at home undermines the schools authority. a bit like a father coming home from work and upon hearing about his child's bad behaviour punishes them again even though mum already dealt with it. it undermines her authority and re-inforces the 'just wait til your father gets home' thing.

HoHoHoNoYouDont Mon 06-May-13 00:51:21

I agree with the OP.

AgentZigzag Mon 06-May-13 00:59:11

What I choose to do with DD about her behaviour is my business Booy (although I agree the dad would be undermining the mum in that scenario, but you're talking about two equal parents, parental authority isn't equal to a schools authority, not by a long shot).

Whether her school would think I'm undermining their authority doesn't come very high up in the check list I've got of how to encourage good behaviour in my DD.

I would take issue with the fact the school thought it could put it's authority above mine, in my own fucking home!

I don't think so.

Agree totally with you op - my view is that it is totally inappropriate for this teacher to make judgements about the parent's disciplining of their child anyway but to voice them in this manner in really not on.

Dominodonkey Mon 06-May-13 01:06:02

Yanbu - how dare they?

The school should be pleased parents are backing them up.

uncongenial Mon 06-May-13 01:14:10

It would depend on the crime, I think. But I do think the teacher ought not to have communicated his/her thoughts to the child.

And I've never liked the idea of Golden Time anyway, and the withholding of it as punishment.

Startail Mon 06-May-13 01:25:08

This is a very tricky one.
All I know is we had a bright, but very naughty boy in a Y3 class I helped with. The school discipline system was that parents were told if their DCs got 3sad in a day. His mum got told this a lot.

As a lowly works experience student DCs sometimes chat rather than read and from what he told me be couldn't see any point in behaving as he was always in trouble at school and his mum had run out of privileges to withdraw at home.

What he desperately needed was time, understanding and support to use his brain for school work not being the bright leader of the trouble makers. This was never going to come from his hassled single mum trying her best in a very deprived inner city area.

For him and her what happened in school staying in school would have been a good start. Lots of corny catching him being good would have been even better.

LittleMissLucy Mon 06-May-13 01:30:22

YANBU but I wouldn't bother contacting them, its clearly policy. Just ignore it and carry on as you see fit. It makes no difference what they say or recommend if you don't want to put it into action - and what you decide is your business, not theirs. If that makes sense (sounds garbled, sorry).

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 06-May-13 01:50:18

I usually wouldn't punish if whom ever was in charge at the time already had, but its up to me to decide based on the behaviour how is been dealt with and its frequency.

I'm pretty sure if parents thought that whilst in school nothing at all to do with dc's was their problem and spent time telling kids that the teachers were wrong and they would have to write them a letter to tell them off for doing certain things, it would be a problem.

Teachers should teach and parents should parent.

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 06-May-13 02:41:13

I agree with the school re. no need to punish a child twice.

She shouldn't have said it to the class though.

I'd punish if the issue was big enough to call me in for, if not I'd let the school deal with it.

It's the same as them being naughty, not big time, at a friend or grandmas. If they were naughty enough for it to be mentioned to me upon collection I would punish, of friend or grandma was happy to pull them up on their behaviour and reprimand them then I wouldn't do it over again.

But teacher should not have said this infront of children, maybe sending note in book folder would have been more appropriate.

Nehru Mon 06-May-13 07:10:17

The teach parent thing overlaps. You have no clue

Jinty64 Mon 06-May-13 07:31:08

I agree with the school. The teacher may have been better to have said nothing in front of the child and phoned the mum later but the child should not be punished twice.

Perhaps in future she should call the mum to collect the child and punish him at home. That would save the school the bother and everyone would be un happy

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