To think it's unfair that DH tries to dictate what I can watch on TV?

(83 Posts)
YummyCalpol Sun 05-May-13 23:11:14

DH and I like totally different tv programmes. He likes sport, fly on the wall police shows, action films, that kind of thing, and I guess I like female programmes; OBEM, America's Next Top Model, and shows like the Apprentice (I know, I know, don't judge me)

Every night DH has the remote control glued to his hand and every night we watch what he wants to watch. If there's anything I want to watch I have to either sky plus it and stay up late to watch when he's in bed, or wait until he's dozed off in the chair (and even then he sometimes gets arsey if I turn over).

Quite frequently he'll decide there's 'nothing on' and just put sport on. He never asks me if there's anything I would like to watch and if ever I say there's something i'd like to watch he gets huffy.

What's annoyed me now is that lately he's started imposing conditions about what I can and can't watch when he's asleep in the chair. We have spent all evening with his programmes on, he just dozed off and I asked for the remote control and he said 'it depends what you want on, you can't watch OBEM or any model type shows or reality shows'.

I got really cross and said that he has no right to impose conditions upon what I watch, and that he has more than his fair share of watching his own programmes, and that if I have to abide by viewing rules to suit him then the same must apply to him! As per usual when I raise anything I'm not happy with he just didn't even reply to me, just looked away and went back to sleep.

Kiwiinkits Wed 08-May-13 08:45:51

CallyCat I believe we have to take some responsibility for ourselves and our lives. The OP and a lot of women, it seems to me, could benefit from realising that the things they do impact on the degree of respect they earn from others. Dickhead remote-stealing husbands included. I think demonstrating a bit of initiative (like sorting out an alternative mode of wAtching your shows, without relying on him to do it for you) and doing things that are interesting and out of the house in the evenings are ways to gain oneself back after those first years of looking after young children. Doing these things will expand your life, make it more interesting and simultaneously gain some respect back. Too many women assume that respect should be stable and automatic. It's not; it's dynamic and it depends on what you do to earn it. The first step is giving yourself permission to put yourself and your interests and goals first.

mrsjay Wed 08-May-13 08:48:40

wow really ? he does this that is awful grab the remote tell him to bugger off and watch your programmes who friggingdied and made him boss,

Helltotheno Wed 08-May-13 09:01:10

OP do some or all of the following:

1) Get yourself a life. In other words, don't spend the next x years sitting on your fanny in front of the tv at night. If that's what he's doing, you could be out and about doing any number of more enjoyable things while he stays at home. Join a running, walking group; go to a class; meet some friends, etc.
2) Consider going back to work, even part-time. It's clear that you being a SAHM is not respected. That way, you can afford your own tv and, crucially, you can also develop a bit of financial independence for the eventuality that you kick this sorry loser's ass out.
3) Develop some general independence from him. Stop giving a damn about him empathising with you etc. It's clear that he's not going to. Detach somewhat.

He is an arse. You should be setting the wheels in motion for getting him out of your life.

TheVermiciousKnid Wed 08-May-13 09:05:08

It's not 'a man thing'. The majority of men are perfectly capable (and willing) to 'share' the TV.

It is, however, a controlling, selfish arse thing.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 08-May-13 09:11:47

He's a passive-aggressive tosser and the telly is the least of your worries.

Sorry, that sounds dismissive – I mean the telly is one of many symptoms of his tosserdom.

I don't have any advice of my own but agree with Helltotheno above.

AF What is DTF? Drown the fucker?

YANBU OP.

You should buy yourself a nice new TV and leave him to it.

Twattybollocks Wed 08-May-13 09:44:10

What a twat. Next time he tries it, ask him who gave him the right to decide what's on the tv? In an equal partnership people negotiate. Eg if I wanted to watch obem but football was on and his team happened to be playing (not often on tv) then I'd probably sky plus obem and put the footie on. Vice versa if there was something he was moderately interested in watching and something on that I really wanted to watch, he would put that on, and if it's something he doesn't want to watch he would read a book, piss about on the iPad or go do some washing or something.
If he ever said to me that I couldnt watch something even whilst he was asleep in the chair, I would tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck.

Zalen Wed 08-May-13 12:00:07

If your not so D H is behaving this way, and your youngest is three it sounds to me like it's time to start looking into ways back into the world of work. That may help to regain his respect (if the respect of this loser is worth regaining) more importantly it should help build up your self esteem and your independence.

I'm not going to say LTB, that's a decision only you can make but start to realise for yourself that this man's opinion means nothing, cease to care about him, it's not easy but if he carries on the way he's going he'll soon have killed all the love you once had for him (if he hasn't already) and that will make it easier.

You've put your life on hold to raise your children, now it's time to take back control, build yourself up to a position of strength, move your life forward and if he gets left behind in the dust then so much the better from what I can see.

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