To be upset and not really know where to go with friendship after this?

(63 Posts)
DumSpiroSpero Sun 05-May-13 22:20:58

We spent a lovely day yesterday with a family I would consider to be probably our closest friends and some other families. Had a great time and as usual the DC's got on like a house on fire.

This morning I had a text from close mate "This is a a bit awkward but every time the kids play together I find nits the next day. Don't want to rude/nasty but thought I should let you know.".

Spent the best part of an hour combing DD's hair this morning and no sign of anything - she hasn't had nits since before Christmas either, and the kids see each other every couple of weeks.

Tbh I was shaking when I got the text and have been in tears on and off all day. DH thinks I'm completely overreacting. I don't doubt there was no vindictiveness behind it and i don't want to lose a friendship over it, but still feel it's a reflection on DD and me and know it will be on my mind every time I see them now.

Am not sure whether to just leave it, or to phone and have a chat tomorrow to try and clear the air. I think the way it was worded and the fact it was via text didn't help and I am a bit hormonal atm so guess that's not helping.

fuzzpig Mon 06-May-13 08:11:26

No apology for her jumping to conclusions? Charming hmm

MoominsYonisAreScary Mon 06-May-13 08:37:11

If we ever get them I text people we've been in contact with and say sorry we've found visitors, hope we haven't passed them on

Wouldn't just presume to know where they are coming from (although sometimes you do but wouldn't say!)

Littlehousesomewhere Mon 06-May-13 09:16:46

Yanbu

I think that txt was very rude and nasty!

I would have been upset too.

If she was a good friend she could have said something's like '"just letting you know we found nits in dc hair today, sorry but it might be an idea to check your dc too''

That being said I would txt back with what willowwisp said earlier. And then wait a while before seeing her again.

DumSpiroSpero Mon 06-May-13 12:21:18

badinage I totally agree with you re texting that kind of thing. I was pretty gobsmacked and due to go out - had I got the message yesterday evening I probably would have called back.

I think I will have to ring her, as much as a large part of me says 'drop it. It's the 'when they spend time together mine gets nits' that is still rankling. They have a semi regular thing which means they see each other for several hours at least once a fortnight, and tbh I think implying that me/DD are responsible for a dozen bouts of nits this year shock is a bit much! Unless it's possible that I've not noticed and they've gone away on their own in between, which I don't think is posdible but am willing to be corrected.

Fwiw I have no problem with the nit aspect, it's the implication behind it that bothers me, and it's all very well to say ' I'm not blaming anyone' but am not entirely sure how else one is supposed to take those comments confused.

KansasCityOctopus Mon 06-May-13 12:29:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DumSpiroSpero Mon 06-May-13 12:32:29

I'll definitely near that in mind next time (hopefully not for ages!) Kansas, thanks!

badinage Mon 06-May-13 13:04:18

I'd ring her or try to see her and sort it out.

Being fair and assuming she's not a complete PITA, maybe she was at the end of her tether and snapped. I remember when one of mine kept getting them and that only stopped when she changed class. They'd always appear at the worst time i.e when we were about to go somewhere with lots of other people and I seem to recall after the fourth or fifth time in that school year, feeling angry with whichever parent it was in that class who wasn't treating his/her child.

I know I wouldn't have texted, but I did have a rant blush within my own four walls...

I tried them all that year, but Hedrin was the best one by far. Has your GP/HV/pharmacist said that the chemical ones can't be used by anyone with a skin condition? I'm a bit clueless on that one as fortunately none of us suffer with anything, but it's always worth checking these things.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Mon 06-May-13 13:15:46

I think her text was a bit bitchy tbh. And ill informed. her kids wont be crawling with the little buggers within 24 hours after all hmm And like you say, your kids dont have any. They might now, thanks to your friend's kids being riddled with them. I'd be tempted to point that out to her but I'm a cow like that .

I do think crying about it was a bit OTT but I too would be annoyed/offended if someone implied their DC caught nits off of mine all the time.

MoominsYonisAreScary Mon 06-May-13 13:49:41

Do you have an electric nit comb? They're supposed to be better than the normal combs, might be a good investment if you can't use lotion. Or to use along side full marks

Wishiwasanheiress Mon 06-May-13 13:51:06

Shaking and crying over this?

I'm with ur partner, bu and a bit nits (nuts) IMO

RooneyMara Mon 06-May-13 14:22:51

This is really difficult on all sides tbh.

I have a friend who is great but her children (in her own words) always have nits, and it drives me and everyone else mad as we have to do the whole de-lousing thing every time while she just does, apparently, nothing.

I actually did stop our children playing together at one point as I couldn't afford to keep doing hedrin. I didn't tell her this - I tried to turn it around to say that mine had it again and I didn't want to give them back to hers.

She didn't reply and I think I overdid it a bit. We are friends now, but the kids still don't play together at home. And I got ds's hair cut.

RooneyMara Mon 06-May-13 14:24:45

Plus a lot of people don't bother to treat again after a week. Then are amazed when it comes back.

We have other friends who don't bother with the lotion stuff, they just remove any obvious adults, and tbh I don't allow sleepovers with them either.

It gets bloody expensive.

hellymelly Mon 06-May-13 23:12:17

Found lice on my dd tonight, 6 tiny tiny ones,(had to look through a magnifying glass to see them) and no sign of eggs, so I can date the Mama louse crawling on to her last day at school, over a week ago, as she has been itchy for a couple of days. The lice she has are too small yet to lay, so will be easy to shift. I have Hedrin here but usually just nitty gritty comb with conditioner every night for three or four nights and then every other night for a week, but I've never seen anything past day three/four So it is effective. My dds have fine hair and v sensitive skin though, so get itchy right away and don't have a lot of thick curls to get through. I think then I would use the suffocating stuff. DD has had them three times in the last term and half, so someone's parent is being a bit slack.

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