to sometimes feel so suffocated by my 4yr old?

(41 Posts)
iProcrastinate Sun 05-May-13 13:31:43

I feel so bad about complaining about this! I just want to find out whether I'm the only one (and therefore a horrible mother) or whether other people feel like this sometimes!

I love my 4yr old DD to pieces and wouldn't change her for the world, but sometimes she makes me feel so suffocated and claustrophobic! I'm hiding in the loo with the laptop to write this!

She is VERY talkative - literally feels the urge to fill every second of the day with CONSTANT questions (often the same one over and over, which I answer every time until I get sick of it and tell her to stop asking the same sodding question). We've just had lunch and once she had finished hers, the dialogue went like this:

"Are you drinking your drink, Mummy?"
"Are you drinking it all?
"Is it nice?"
"Can I have it?"
"Can I have Cbeebies on?"
"I want Cbeebies on?"
"Can I have some pudding"
"Can I have it now?"
"Now?"
"How many sleeps till my birthday?" (it was last week)
"Is it preschool tomorrow?"
"Can I play upstairs?"
"Are you drinking your drink?"
"Are you?"
"Are you?"

I was answering - although if I paused to answer every single question then I'd probably starve to death or pass out from lack of oxygen!

Any gaps in speech were filled with "Mummy? Mummy? Mummy? Mummy?"

I DO give her a lot of 1:1 during the day, we play a lot together and do things, and she will play alone, although conversing constantly throughout.

If I sit down she will climb on my knee and put her face right into mine, if I protest or try to lift her down she clamps on koala-like. She is on my case CONSTANTLY and can be quite bossy. If she is ever in another room she will pelt me with questions at an increasing volume until I have no choice but to stop what I'm doing and go to her. Most of her questioning has no reason to it, some of the questions have no sensible answer ("Where is the cat going?") or have incredibly obvious answers that she already knows - she asked me what her name was early, just to fill a gap between breaths.

Sorry that became a rant! That feels better! I feel less like I want to scream "JUST SHUT UP!" now!

Please tell me I'm not alone!

thepixiefrog Sun 05-May-13 22:05:29

JulieCarp, I think most of the people on this thread are capable of, and probably do, say no as and when the situation requires.

Some children are just not great 'self starters' and will always look to someone else as a source of entertainment/stimulation, and it has nothing to do with the style of parenting. Saying 'no' cannot change a child's personality.

I agree whole heartedly that boundaries are vital, and nowhere on this thread has anyone indicated that they believe otherwise. Your assumptions are puzzling.

FreudiansSlipper Sun 05-May-13 21:18:07

ds is like this he is 5

he comes into my room in the morning and it starts the questions followed by a lecture and a question and answer session that lasts all day. I do tell him to let me have some quiet time does not last long and it is just me and ds

He caught me mumbling to myself please do shut up blush of course he asked questions about this I lied and told him i was talking to the cat

i had his friends round today and they are the same it was exhausting I am already in bed

JulieCarp Sun 05-May-13 21:10:37

No doubt this wil be a terrible thing to actually come out wiith and I will be hounded off the thread ...

JulieCarp Sun 05-May-13 21:08:27

Children dont implode if you tell them that:
"No dont stand on me it hurts"
"I am tired - its quiet time now"
Teaching your child about social boundaries is good and a positive thing, why anyone would allow a 4 year old to dictate to them is beyond me.
It is ok to say No to your children Really, they will be ok

SuffolkNWhat Sun 05-May-13 16:41:14

MrsTP yes exactly like that!

EmmaBemma Sun 05-May-13 16:36:13

"I consider myself as an introverted extrovert lol "

As an aside, I've been reading about this recently because I'm a bit like you. Apparently it's a myth that introverts are shy and retiring and that. I thought there's no way I'm an introvert because I'm quite chatty and outgoing and enjoy company - but I find it draining as well: being around people takes up a lot of energy and I need to recharge on my own afterwards. Anyway, as you were - just thought it was interesting!

NumTumDeDum Sun 05-May-13 16:34:45

Ha my dd (4) is also like this. I can just about cope with the incessant pestering, chattering, humming and tuneless singing. It's the constant interruptions if I dare to attempt a conversation with an adult that I can't stand. I am firmly convinced she thinks I invite my friends over for her to chat to and not the other way around. I also can't stand her yelling to me from wherever she is in the house. I never got away with or did this. I asked my dad about it and he just said he had a zero tolerance policy. I think I'd rather parent my way than his way as I remember being a bit scared of his temper. I guess I'll just have to give the 123, naughty step routine a bit more use and be more consistent.

snotfunny Sun 05-May-13 16:33:30

I have a 4yr old DSS. I find I sometimes have to go upstairs and leave him to his Dad because he doesn't draw breath for hours at a time. It doesn't help that, although I get on ok with his mother, She can be very bossy and stubborn and, quite often, when DSS is wittering on, it's her voice I can hear. He tells me what to do endlessly. When I'm driving him around I'm going the wrong way, I should be taking a short cut, why have we stopped? Why aren't we moving? Where are we now? Can't you go faster? My Mummy doesn't drive this way...

aaargh.

ditsydoll Sun 05-May-13 16:28:11

Haha it's like your describing my 4yo Dd op! I'm due with dc2 in just over 2 weeks and it can be tiring (although I wouldn't change her for the world)
Sometimes I'd just like some head space to think about something... Anything really lol.

Starting to think poor dc2 will probably never get a word in edgeways!

exexpat Sun 05-May-13 16:22:47

My two were both like that, but by four were old enough to understand (when told) that mummy needed a little bit of peace and quiet sometimes. Occasionally mummy even had to develop a headache and go and have a lie down...

DD is 10 now and still needs reminding sometimes that she doesn't have to say out loud every single fleeting thought that crosses her mind.

kotinka Sun 05-May-13 16:21:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alienbanana Sun 05-May-13 16:16:55

Bloody hell... Do you never crack and just tell them shut up?

ClartyCarol Sun 05-May-13 16:14:24

We have got three DDs like this and I am like a limp dishcloth by the time they're finally in bed. I back out of their bedrooms, head going like a nodding dog, repeating, "Yes, yes ok, but it's time for sleep now," whilst they still continue to chunter at me from their beds.

I often go straight to lie on our bed in a practically meditative state, bathing in the blissful silence grin.

Is it like this?

Choccyjules Sun 05-May-13 16:02:44

Another 4yr old just like that here. I always feel guilty, as I know (work with) families who would kill to hear their child say one word ever (very special children)...yet it can drive you insane.

racmun Sun 05-May-13 16:01:10

It sounds like my ds who is 2.9. I ended up in tears on Friday to the point where I cried to Dh that I can take no more.

Likewise I adore him but literally never ever getting a seconds peace is doing my head in.

Eg if we're going out he HAS to wear a coat zipped up - even if it boiling hot and literally repeats over and over and over and over and over..... Until I do it. Same as getting out the car I haven't even stopped the car when he starts going on and on a out getting out the car. You get the gist they're just a couple if examples.

I'm not allowed to sit on a chair without being climbed over etc it is exhausting

I was praying that he'd grow of it but from what you've all said I've got a while yet. Jesus help me.

He's going to Pre school 5 mornings a week in sept and I cannot wait.....

rainbowfeet Sun 05-May-13 15:57:58

My dd is still a bit like this at 10!!! Lol shock
I am a lone parent so it is all aimed at me.... I keep encouraging her to do a sponsored silence for charity!! But it is because she is very bright, she gets bored easily & wants to know the ins & outs of everything & what's words mean etc.. So it really is like a barrage of questions all the time!!
Roll on bedtime eh?! wink

poozlepants Sun 05-May-13 15:57:32

I have a 4 year old DS like this. In the past couple of months we have told him nicely that he can't just talk all the time- that he needs to stop and think before wittering endlessly and we won't respond to him if he is in another room. If he wants to talk to us he has to come and say it to us personally.
It has worked to some extent. I figured he's about to go to school and the inane wittering will put other kids off. He is very quiet when at nursery in the morning so I wonder if he just saves it all up.

CheerfulYank Sun 05-May-13 15:50:45

Ohhhhh no, you're not alone.

People think I exaggerate how much DS talks. And then they spend 3 minutes with him and are asking me if he has an off switch!

He is an only (only for a few more weeks) and is almost 6 and sometimes I think my ears go numb.

I make him go outside every day and also time playing upstairs by himself; I'd go mad if I didn't. He gets more TV time than I'd like, but he's so blissfully quiet when he's watching. blush

DD1 loves her talking Ben. grin

NoSquirrels Sun 05-May-13 15:00:53

Ha! I have one of those 4 yr olds! I also have a 2 yr old, and I was thinking to myself only this morning how glad I am about the smallish age gap (not totally planned for!) because if DD was an only she would have driven me round the bend by now with the constant talking and entertaining. Tbf, she is getting better as she gets older.

However, having had the thought I then realised I have got a bit complacent and leave them to it a lot, so I got down on the floor and had a stimulating 20 minutes playing pet shops. Then I got bored.

DD1: Mummy, now you be the pet shop ballerina teacher and I will be the pupil, and you need to say "Hello, DD1, I am the ballerina teacher, who are you?" And I will say...

Me: DD. DD. DD!!!

DD: What?

Me: I don't want to play that.

DD: But why not?

Me: Because I don't want to.

DD1: Oh. OK.

And then she just did both parts herself, pretending to be the teacher and the pupil and I snuck off in relief. I think that 20 mins of playing allowed her to be OK about it and not pester when I said I'd had enough. I totally sympathise with all the introvert parents of extrovert children. It's completely exhausting yet fascinating.

My five year old DS asks so many questions too. It's so annoying because I know he just wants to know and isn't deliberately being annoying and is just a chatty little boy, but I live for the day when I can tell him to be 'quiet now, please' and he actually listens and doesn't ask weird questions like if the dog had a past life as a person! hmm

iProcrastinate Sun 05-May-13 14:56:17

The introvert/extrovert thing - it's a tricky one in our house!

I consider myself as an introverted extrovert lol - with friends/in small groups/with myself I'm quite extrovert/loud/confident, but in a large group/with new people/in the spot-light I'm VERY shy and stand-offish. DD is very similar!

DD does go to preschool 2 days a week, I miss her when she is there and look forward to collecting her but omg am pulling my hair out within 20mins of getting through the door!

DD is now having a full-blown conversation with her Furby lol

Kat101 Sun 05-May-13 14:50:39

I understand the feeling that they want to get inside of you. Suffocating. Whatever I do is never enough for them. Tempting to say "look, I love you to pieces but will you please just piss off for a bit".

I went back to work which improved things x 1000. Is she in preschool? Any babysitters?

Mintyy Sun 05-May-13 14:40:20

Do these 4 year olds go to pre-school? You all deserve a break!!

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