To say no to this request ?

(39 Posts)
frumpet Sun 05-May-13 11:45:29

Bit of background , i have a neighbour who is disabled . She often asks me to do things for her that she cannot do herself , which i am happy to do . She also asks me to do things that she could do herself but would rather not . She had a little dog that died , she would ask me to clean up the mess in her garden for her , i did it occaionally , although i really didnt want to and suggested way to her that she might manage it herself .
She has now got a new dog , i personally dont think she should of got the dog , as she is unable to walk it and can only pay someone twice a week to walk it . She came across this morning and asked if my dd would walk the dog for her , as apparently the dog wont get into the car . I dont see why dd should walk the dog , she isnt really an animal person , we have our own dog and i wouldnt expect dd to walk him and pick up his poo .
I am going to have to say no , even though it means the dog wont get a walk , but will feel guilty as hell !

HoHoHoNoYouDont Sun 05-May-13 11:47:34

Is there a local support group she could contact that could offer this kind of help?

YANBU. She shouldn't have got the dog if she cannot look after it properly, or at least not without asking you first. And she is taking the piss by asking you to do things she just doesn't want to do so I'd be definitely nipping this in the bud.

cocolepew Sun 05-May-13 11:49:13

Don't feel guilty, she should never have got the dog if she is unable to look after it properly.

Geezer Sun 05-May-13 11:51:02

I understand how you feel as I would too but you can't be expected to take on other people's responsibilities. You'll be perfectly reasonable to say no and the lady concerned is perfectly unreasonable to take on another dog when she couldn't look after the first one properly.

Geezer Sun 05-May-13 11:51:48

You could suggest instead the lady contacts the Cinnamon Trust as they may be able to help her.

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Sun 05-May-13 11:52:55

YANBU. People shouldn't have pets and expect others to look after them. Is she unable to allow the dog on her garden so that it can run around? It doesn't need someone to walk it, just space outside and some TLC. My mother's disabled; she doesn't do as much as she can do and my sister (she cares for her) finds it incredibly frustrating. It could be fear of overextending herself, who knows? sad

frumpet Sun 05-May-13 11:58:18

I hadn't thought of the cinnamon trust , i might mention it to her . She has only had it a few days , she does have an enclosed garden for it to pootle in , but is quite young so would probably like a walk sad

She mananged to get it into the car to go the vets the other day ?

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Sun 05-May-13 12:02:02

Does her disability stop her from walking? I can't see why she would want to take it somewhere in the car. Surely she'd have to walk the dog when she got to where she wanted to go anyway? confused

ENormaSnob Sun 05-May-13 12:02:36

Yanbu at all.

Is she proposing to pay your dd?

Perhaps point her to dog walking services.

frumpet Sun 05-May-13 12:16:41

No she cannot walk , she is in a wheelchair , so she would take it somewhere where she can use the chair and take the dog , its difficult locally because of the state of the pavements and the lack of them in places (semi-rural) .
I very much doubt that the thought of paying dd would have crossed her mind tbh . I used to dog walk for people as a child but only because i loved animals and wasnt allowed a dog at home . DD is very take it or leave it when it comes to animals .
I think i will tell her i will take it out with me and my dog this weekend but that she needs to organise something else after that .

CloudsAndTrees Sun 05-May-13 12:33:38

Yanbu.

Maggie111 Sun 05-May-13 12:35:06

YABU - dreadful to get a dog in her circumstance sad

However, perhaps you can see if there are any volunteers from this group local to you? http://www.cinnamon.org.uk/

I see she says the fact the dog wont get into the car is a problem, how about instead of walks you try and train the dog to accept the car?

Try putting their breakfast into the car and then put the dog in. Just leave the car stationary whilst he eats. Do that for a few more meals and then put the car on running - but leave it on the driveway still. Then slowly build up to some laps around the block. Etc. A bit of a palaver to do if you're disabled but you might be able to find the time and it will probably really help her.

Maggie111 Sun 05-May-13 12:35:24

Sorry - YANBU! You are not being unreasonable she is!

sooperdooper Sun 05-May-13 12:35:51

Another vote for Cinamon trust, tell her to get on touch with them and they will find her a local dog walking volunteer

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Sun 05-May-13 12:42:04

Hell no! YANBU! She should either have not got the dog or discussed it with you first to see if DD walking it would be an option.

MummytoKatie Sun 05-May-13 12:46:20

I'm 8 months pregnant. I hate changing nappies. Would you / your daughter mind popping round and doing those too?

everlong Sun 05-May-13 12:48:11

Yanbu.

It's not for you to be doing this.

Cinnamon Trust is a good idea.

DontmindifIdo Sun 05-May-13 12:50:21

oh, one for the cheeky requests thread! Quite frankly, she got the dog on the understanding other people would walk it without bothering to ask them first? Say no, she needs to understand being disabled doesn't give her an opt out of being a rational grown up. I'd like a dog, but work outside the home 3 days a week and can't afford childcare for DS and dogcare, so rather than assume my SAHM friends/neighbours will do it for free, I've not got a dog. Adults don't get a cute puppy without thinking if they are actually capable of looking after it.

spiderlight Sun 05-May-13 12:51:18

I was going to suggest the Cinnamon Trust as well. She should have had these arrangements in place before getting the dog, though.

DontmindifIdo Sun 05-May-13 12:51:31

BTW - it would be a completely different issue if she had the dog first and then became disabled, but she knew at the point she got the dog she was not capable of caring for it. So selfish.

She probably thought as you were taking one dog out (yours) you could manage 2 dogs especially if hers is smallish.

Is it a puppy or a Rescue?
If it's a Rescue, they would have asked her what plans she had in place for excercise.
If they said it was OK for two walks and a run round the garden -then fine.
More likely her family said they'd help?
If she'd 'volunteered' you. I'm sure they'd have formalised this?

Or if her family bought her the dog, then they should help.

Sounds very sad - it's her companion but at the end of it, the dog loses out. A garden doesn't really give the stimulation for a dog.

She could try Dog Training Classes? The access would be there for her wheelchair, her dog meets other canines.
And she might meet someone who will walk her dog.

quoteunquote Sun 05-May-13 14:20:44

There are at least six people in this village who are disabled and have dogs, all 'walk" them using an electric ride on scooter, a couple of them who cannot bend over to pick up poo have these

We don't have pavements here(one or two) it's all little lanes, they manage fine, being disabled does not mean you can't look after a dog properly.

letseatgrandma Sun 05-May-13 16:13:15

God, no-YANBU. Say that your DD doesn't want to-say she isn't keen on dogs (as lots of people are) and she doesn't even like walking yours much. She's taking the piss, I'd try to distance yourself from such needy requests. She should have got a cat!

Jestrin Sun 05-May-13 17:05:39

Another vote for the Cinnamon Trust here.

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