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AIBU to feel like an absolute fool and slut???

(65 Posts)
Kirsten567 Sun 05-May-13 00:48:05

I can't believe I'm even posting this.

But here goes.

I met someone on a train back from Scotland. (had gone there for a couple of days) He seemed like a really nice guy and we got chatting on the train. He asked me if I wanted to go for a drink after and I said OK. However, I wanted to drop my luggage off at my place before we went out and I said that to him. He said no problem and volunteered to help me drop my luggage off. Here's where I acted like an absolute idiot. I said OK you can come up to my flat and help me with my stuff.

When we came up we got to talking. He spotted a bottle of wine in my kitchen and it was just rude not to offer him some and so I did. We had some wine, chatted a bit and before I knew it we were kissing. And then we were doing more. When he suggested we get under the covers, I snapped out of it. I was about to have sex with a guy I had just met on a fucking train. I said NO and fortunately he was sweet about it and soon after he left.

I am so mortified that this happened. I am NOT the sort of girl who almost shags a guy she just met on a train.

I feel so naive and silly. What was I thinking when I let him come up? What if he had been a violent rapist? What if he hadn't taken no for an answer?

It's just that my last relationship was 4 years ago and I've just been feeling very lonely lately. sad I don't know what I was thinking.

I feel cheap and disgusted with myself.

I suppose this is more a blog than a question. Anyway, my girlfriends are all out of town at the moment, so if you have any helpful advice please shake some sense into my thick head.

Kirsten567 Sun 05-May-13 04:44:22

I know I probably sound absolutely bonkers, but I'm just being honest. This isn't my style and I think slut was the wrong word to use. I feel so easy. Like anyone can chat me up on a bloody train and get into my pants.

Like I said this upcoming interview is crucial and I feel stupid for doing anything careless that might jepordize it.

*into your house isn't the most bright thing to do.

Proofread, Fanj, proofread [headesk]

SodaStreamy Sun 05-May-13 04:22:48

ok then first and foremost it might be helpful for you to research sex, stds, contraception etc

it's your body you owe it to yourself to understand it and take ownership of it

You need to step down to the coop and get a grip. You're flying off the rails here about a situation that would have left the rest of us either giggling, preening or making coffee with bed-hair.

Ok, yes, inviting less known people (not men, people. In general.) isn't the most bright thing to do. But he stopped and was nice about it when you said to, he did actually need to pee, and the chances if him being anything other than a nice bloke you thought you were really quite dishy are really quite minute.

Ad STD's from kissing? I dunno, cold sores?
Have some Nutella from the jar, and breathe.

LittleMissLucy Sun 05-May-13 04:20:06

You're ok and you're going to be fine. And you're probably going to be more cautious. You don't need to worry now.

Kirsten567 Sun 05-May-13 04:08:49

Another problem with me is that despite being quite outspoken and blunt in my daily life, when it comes to sexual scenarios I sometimes find it hard to say 'no'. It's fucked up...

Kirsten567 Sun 05-May-13 04:06:51

I'm 25 blush

Honestly, I haven't been around much. Just once or twice with guys `i've trusted. I have actually no clue if you can get like loads of shit from kissing. blush

SodaStreamy Sun 05-May-13 04:00:04

what stds can you get from kissing.........really? how old are you?

SodaStreamy Sun 05-May-13 03:57:21

no it;s not insane however if someone starts sucking your neck and you have interview or just dont want a mark on your neck say something to them

Kirsten567 Sun 05-May-13 03:57:09

thank fuck.

Kirsten567 Sun 05-May-13 03:56:52

I'm vaccinated against that.

LittleMissLucy Sun 05-May-13 03:54:24

Hep B

Kirsten567 Sun 05-May-13 03:49:04

A horrible thought has struck me. What STDs can you get from french kissing and the bloody hickey???

expatinscotland Sun 05-May-13 03:34:59

And yy about calling your mother. WTF? I think my mum still likes to believe I'm a virgin after 3 marriages and 3 kids. For real?

Helpful advice: get some new girlfriends.

expatinscotland Sun 05-May-13 03:33:00

Gees, reading this, I was a slut/ho/whatever when I was single, which was long enough, in between marriages and single. But thankfully I don't believe in all this 'sluts' and bad girl/boy nonsense when you are single, no kids.

Gah, what's sex between consenting adults? I shagged a guy I met waiting for the no. 25 bus in Prince's Street, and he was the third in . . . I hadn't even been in the bloody country for a fortnight! Gah, let's not even go there, much less what I left at home! I was single with no kids and having some fun!

You don't feel comfortable with it, then don't do it. But for pete's sake don't beat yourself up over it or carry on about sluts! I'd have shagged him rotten and not felt an ounce of mortification.

There's no such thing as a slut. You're single, no kids. Whatever.

Kirsten567 Sun 05-May-13 03:00:15

He was 23. It's insane that he gave me a hickey angry

WhiteBirdBlueSky Sun 05-May-13 02:18:25

I don't think you did anything that bad. I'm not a slut and it wouldn't be impossible for me to do this.

LittleMissLucy Sun 05-May-13 02:18:12

I think you might also be freaking out a bit because the wine is wearing off and that increases anxiety. Not to belittle the situation or your reaction to it.

I wouldn't worry. If he calls, be straight - lovely time was had, etc but you're not up for anything else and thanks for getting in touch....

Darkesteyes Sun 05-May-13 01:59:25

<claps badinage>

badinage Sun 05-May-13 01:53:27

Ha ha! LastMango that was me on that Relationships thread grin

This is no biggie. You were just horny that's all.

Do you think this bloke's sitting there worrying about whether he was 'sluttish' or had put himself in danger by going to a stranger's flat?

Is he fuck.....

It's bloody depressing that women feel grateful that a bloke's taken no for an answer but that's not to say I don't understand why it's good advice to be cautious about letting strangers into your home.

Apart from that (and it sounds like you could have raised the alarm if necessary so if the worst had happened, help could have come quickly) this is nothing to worry about at all. Neither would it have been anything to worry about if you'd shagged him.

Don't judge yourself negatively for having a bloody libido and don't judge him for having one either. If you'd like to see him again and you're sure he's single, go right ahead. Maybe do a bit of googling beforehand to make sure what he's told you stacks up (mainly about his single status, really) but if you want to have sex with him or anyone else for that matter, just do it!

And yeah, sure you might be lonely after 4 years but I'd have thought you were also incredibly sexually frustrated which would be the normal state of affairs for a woman who's been sexually active in the past. So don't confuse loneliness with that and go right ahead and embrace your libido!

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Sun 05-May-13 01:50:52

A HICKEY shock was he 16!!!!

Sorry, not helpful.

I would worry too much, you did something abit silly and came to your senses. No harm was done and you will be more careful next time. I really would not fret over it. I would be mighty pee'd off about the hickey though confused

internalship Sun 05-May-13 01:47:23

Lots of great relationships start with a shag you know... You sound a bit mad and highly strung so maybe he had a lucky escape! wink

Kirsten567 Sun 05-May-13 01:44:57

Yes I called my mother. Now do you believe me when I said I am in shock with my own behaviour?

SavoyCabbage Sun 05-May-13 01:42:00

Chances are he's just an ordinary man. Not a nutter or a coffee table stealer.

You certainly didn't do anything 'wrong'.

bellabelly Sun 05-May-13 01:32:25

Ignoring all the other stuff, this clinique stuff covers everything, am sure your hickey will be invisible - get yourself to a dept store tomorrow!

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