For not wanting to be judged by my MIL for leaving my baby to cry?

(418 Posts)
roses2 Sat 04-May-13 15:51:56

Me and DH are living with his parents at the moment and we have a 4 month old DS.

I have my DS on a feeding schedule which works well. He is gaining weight steadily and seems happy in between feeds.

I like to have DS sit in his push chair with us at the dinner table while we eat so he can socialise with us. He cries quite often wanting to be picked up, more so when MIL is there because he knows she will pick him up. He doesn't cry when it's just me and DH because he knows we won't pick him up.

Me and DH know the difference between when he is hungry, wanting attention, tired etc.

Last week, DS was crying at the table. MIL got upset and told me if I was going to leave him to cry then put him in the other room. So now I put him in front of the tv while we eat. He cries for a few minutes then stops.

Last night he was crying a lot in front of the tv. Then MIL went into a rant by telling he is crying because he is in pain or hungry because babies don't cry for no reason and I should top him up with a bottle because I don't have enough milk (not true at all, I can still squirt milk out my boob when he takes himself off). As soon as I went to pick him up, he stopped crying which I think proves my point he just wanted attention.

I'm really upset with her as no matter what I do, I just can't seem to win. I try to eat with him at the table but he cries and she doesn't like it. I put him in the other room, he cries and she doesn't like it.

I was so upset last night I spent the whole night crying. DH supports me fully and told her off. All I want is to eat my dinner without having to shove it down my throat to attend to DS because she gets upset when he cries.

Not really sure what I'm looking for here but just wanted to have a rant.

It's our first row, normally we get on better than me and my own mum.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Sat 04-May-13 15:55:07

Tell her she's welcome to hold him if she wants.

HollyBerryBush Sat 04-May-13 15:56:18

Well, I would find it very off putting having a crying baby when I wanted to eat. I'd go so far as to say, it would give me ulcers! A babies cry is designed to get your attention.

Babies cry to communicate - wet, cold, hot, hungry, tired, in pain and so forth. At 4 months they are crying for something.

Euphemia Sat 04-May-13 15:56:28

YABU.

Your baby is too young to be left to cry. Your MIL is right - he needs something. He needs attention, not to be ignored.

She is unreasonable to comment on your feeding. Stick to your guns on the breastfeeding.

It's stressful to hear a baby cry when it's not your own so I'm not surprised MIL gets annoyed by it. I would!

5318008 Sat 04-May-13 15:56:52

we did a kind of two sittings at mealtimes - I would hold the baby whilst DH ate then we would swap, or the other way around if I fancied hot food for a change

I couldn't be hearing my baby cry for want of a cuddle

We also did cue feeding, rather than scheduling feeds, I couldn't be doing the Oh my the baby's crying and now my let down has happened.

So on reflection YABU to not arrange for someone to hold the baby during mealtimes

OTheHugeManatee Sat 04-May-13 15:57:00

Why not just pick him up? What's so wrong with a 4-month-old baby wanting a cuddle?

confused

Bearcrumble Sat 04-May-13 15:57:58

4 month old babies need lots of cuddles. I would be upset having to share a house with someone who left their tiny infant to cry in front of the tv.

I'm sure you aren't doing this maliciously but I think you should find out more for yourself about babies and their development. The book 'The science of parenting' would be a good start.

Kubalai Sat 04-May-13 15:59:24

Of course he cries 'for attention' and wants to be held. I would far rather hold him than hear him cry too.

Cloverer Sat 04-May-13 15:59:43

YABU! I would judge you too.

How can you sit and eat while your little baby cries for you?

SmellsLikeTeenStrop Sat 04-May-13 16:00:32

I'm with your MIL. Your baby is 4 months not 4 years. There's nothing wrong with crying for attention. How would you feel if you were sad and lonely and wanted a cuddle, but your DH completely ignored you?

magimedi Sat 04-May-13 16:01:00

And maybe MIL dosn't want to eat her meal whilst listening to a baby cry. It is her house, after all.

MsElisaDay Sat 04-May-13 16:01:01

YABU. We took it in turns to hold DS if he was crying at mealtimes.
Leaving such a new baby to cry is just cruel.

Tailtwister Sat 04-May-13 16:01:04

I'm afraid I would have to pick him up too. I often ate whilst holding mine at the same age.

Cloverer Sat 04-May-13 16:01:22

You seem to want to punish your baby for "wanting attention". Crying is the only way he has to communicate with you, he is completely dependent and helpless.

It is horrible listening to a distressed baby.

HumphreyCobbler Sat 04-May-13 16:03:13

Lord, if he is crying for attention, then give him some attention! He is a baby.

I am with your MIL.

rubyslippers Sat 04-May-13 16:03:24

If he's frying for attention that's fine

That's how babies communicate

You can't spoil him by cuddling him

GoingUpInTheWorld Sat 04-May-13 16:03:42

At 4 months old, hes far too young to have learnt that your mil will pick him up if he cries.

She is being very unreasonable commenting on your milk supply.

But to be fair, if a baby was crying whilst i was eating, i wouldnt be able to eat.

Geckoandthemonkey Sat 04-May-13 16:04:23

YABU. What's wrong with giving your baby attention when he cries? And you put him in another room to let him cry to himself? How old is your baby? Breastfeeding on demand is recommended not on a routine. Babies are not robots. They get hungry, needy, tired, scared, etc...#

Tee2072 Sat 04-May-13 16:04:28

Your wrong. She's right. Pick up your crying baby FFS.

apachepony Sat 04-May-13 16:04:36

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Maryz Sat 04-May-13 16:04:43

I couldn't sit and eat while listening to a crying child.

I just couldn't.

I think you need to either let your mil hold the baby while you eat in peace (do you all have to eat together) or move out.

roses2 Sat 04-May-13 16:05:12

So many people seriously don't leave their baby to cry? Unless you all have maids, I can't see how you would be able to shower, cook food, do the laundry etc.

Totally agree with your MIL, a 4 month old is too young to be left to cry if there is not a good reason to do so. Could you not try putting him in a sling to eat? That's what DH and I did with DD, it made meal times so much easier

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 04-May-13 16:05:22

Well, she's right. Babies don't cry for no reason.

They cry because it is their only form of communication.

When they cry it is because they have a need that they need to be met.

Sometimes it is food, sometimes it is a nappy, sometimes they are in pain, sometimes it is simple parental contact. They may not understand what they are feeling (hungry, thirsty, sore, vulnerable, scared, lonely, in need of a cuddle, etc) but they feel it so they cry because that's how nature has ensured that they are cared for!

A parent may choose to not respond for whatever reason - they have a routine, they are teaching them that crying doesn't bring a parent, whatever, but yes, babies always cry for a reason. So don't fool yourself that your baby cries for no reason. What you choose to do is of course up to you.

turkeyboots Sat 04-May-13 16:05:38

I'm with your MiL too.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now