to be slightly shocked when my MIL advised adding juice to my 3mo's water so he'll drink it?

(127 Posts)
poppyandthelion Fri 03-May-13 23:27:58

Hi, this is my first post!

I see my MIL every 3-4 weeks for an hour or 2 with my DS. This week at the visit I mentioned I have been trying to give him water but he's not really been interested. Her advice was to add juice to it..! He's 3 months old!

Also on a visit about a month ago she said that it wouldn't be long until I could give him rusks and prob from about 3 months. I said I'd be trying to not wean him until 6 months if I can but she thought that was silly and he could go much sooner.

These are not my main concerns as he's my DS and I'll be the one feeding him etc. For now.

When I go back to work we will have to have MIL looking after him 1 day a week and I'm slightly concerned as to what she'll feed him or give him to drink even with my instruction. My DP says he's turned out fine and all GM's spoil there GKs.

AIBU??

BruthasTortoise Sat 04-May-13 09:55:08

You do know that they're not suggesting giving your 3 month old fruit shoots instead of his milk don't you? If the child is constipated, water alone isn't working the a dash of juice may be the next step before moving into movical or lactulose. Honestly if that shocks you then you would've fainted when my GP suggested giving flat 7-up to my dioarlyte refusing toddler.

Ae you talking about squash or fruit juice? If you buy fresh fruit juice it doesn't have additives and the sugar is naturally occurring. The fructose has an effect on the digestion which is why it can be good for constipation.

mynewpassion Sat 04-May-13 10:00:45

My sister's doc recommended pear and prune juice because they are natural laxatives. So diluted juice will help.

mynewpassion Sat 04-May-13 10:03:51

My sister's doc recommended pear and prune juice because they are natural laxatives. So diluted juice will help.

poppyandthelion Sat 04-May-13 10:04:25

It was squash that suggested so he'd like the flavour more. But, as has been pointed out, this is prob just because of different guidelines now that MIL isn't aware of and that DP turned out fine.

Bunbaker Sat 04-May-13 10:12:00

"grandparents mean well but have very out of date ideas."

I agree. I had to correct my MIL loads of times when she suggested: adding salt and sugar to DD's food when I was weaning her, wrapping her up in blankets when she had a temperature, giving her chocolate and sweet stuff during early weaning and all sorts of other ideas that were just plain barmy.

"Even the cats get chocolate biscuits/cakes along with the neighbours dogs."

shock. Chocolate is really bad for cats and dogs

When I stopped breastfeeding DD and started her on formula at 6 months she had terrible constipation and she wouldn't drink water. On the health visitor's advice I gave her some very dilute baby juice and it worked.

It sounds like your MIL means well but just doesn't have a clue.

I wouldnt give squash especially if it has artificial sweeteners as they are banned from baby foods and not suitable for babies. If you were to put a splash of juice in his water then use fresh fruit juice with no added nasties. It isnt advised to use citrus juices under 6 months so I'd choose an alternative flavour.

p.s. what milk is he on as some milks can be more constipating than others? A change in milk could help rather than adding in extra water.

btw no need for overpriced baby juices as normal fresh fruit juice is fine

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/drinks-and-cups-children.aspx - nhs says no fruit juices under 6 months and to avoid squash.

sayithowitis Sat 04-May-13 10:34:26

When my DCs were born, over 20 years ago, the MW, HV and GP all told me to offer cooled, boiled water between feeds, especially during hot weather. neither of mine would drink water so the HV suggested I buy some of the baby juice that was available back then, in granular form, to make a very dilute fruit flavoured drink. Both mine drank this as young babies. Certainly DC 1 from a very young age due to constipation. I was also advised to wean them both well before what is now considered 'correct' - around 3 months in both cases. They also had peanut butter, honey and wheat well before a year old - because it wasn't considered an issue back then. If I was looking after a baby now, I would expect the parents to update me as I accept that the advice I was given was different to current guidelines. but, as someone else said upthread, basic baby design hasn't changed significantly in the intervening years and since mine grew into healthy, intelligent and contented adults, i suspect that what I did regarding their food/drink intake, didn't do them any real harm.

Oh yes, I was also reminded that if I bought gripe water, it needed to be an alcohol free version. It would appear that when my mum thought she was helping my wind, she was actually getting her new baby somewhat intoxicated!

CecilyP Sat 04-May-13 10:42:10

The natural sugar in fruit juice is just as bad for teeth as refined sugar in squashes and both are especially bad if sucked through a teat which is what I would imagine a 3 month old would be doing. I suppose as an occasional thing to relieve constipation, it might be fine but not as a regular thing.

jamdonut Sat 04-May-13 10:52:14

Guidelines...they are just that. You do not have to follow them.

With my children, the "guidelines" were entirely different each time. (1992,1997 and 2000) So what to believe? I think you take a middle route. If something works ...great...I don't think you need to beat yourself up about not having "followed the rules". As long as it is not positively dangerous.

When I was a baby, I was given carnation milk by the midwives,when my mum had difficulty breast-feeding (1964). So far so good,no major health problems! But , I wouldn't suggest that now! Although, if it is lifesaving,would you still say it is not a good idea? Look at the mixtures they give the children who are victims of famine.

My midwife (same for all my children) suggested I have 1 small Mackesons a day(not something I would drink under normal circumstances -yuk-) ,to help with my breastfeeding.For a while I did, and it worked.

I hope my children don't think I don't have a clue when they have their own children.After all, they've all reached the ages they are without too much mishap.

It is not fair to treat grandparents like they are idiots,or potential child harmers,(unless,of course, you yourself were actually harmed as a child) just because things are done differently now.

EatMyFoodFeelMyFork Sat 04-May-13 10:57:22

Op, I feel for you here as I have struggled with in laws with funny ideas. The way I dealt with it was confidence! I read as much as I could so that I could back up decisions with science, I discussed everything with DH so that he was on board too, and finally, I decided that if people thought I was being precious then tough!

Goldmandra Sat 04-May-13 10:57:53

What - support the latest transient crapola rather than his mother, who from his point of view brought him up very successfully?

His mother is advising the "transient crapola" which was doled out a generation ago. The latest "transient crapola" is based on greater understanding developed from more recent research and experience.

No doubt it will have changed again by the time this baby is a father but the fact that he survived won't be a reason to ignore new advice. If we did that we'd still be shutting them in rooms on their own for hours, keeping them quiet by feeding them gin and laudenum smile

seeker Sat 04-May-13 11:02:14

Well, I am a bit shocked that you are giving your 3 month old water......would you let me look after your baby? grin

wonderingsoul Sat 04-May-13 11:09:06

ok may be being a little dim but i thought it was adviced to give cooled down boiled water, even at newborn age (obviousely not as a replasment meal for milk. but inbetween meals)

specialsubject Sat 04-May-13 11:09:52

things have moved on - rusks are solid sugar and now known to be not ideal, weaning is 6 months unless otherwise advised.

but none of the old ways killed babies, it's just that there are better ideas. Smoking used to be advertised as good for you!

MsJupiterJones Sat 04-May-13 11:22:20

My DMum is going to be looking after DS 2 days a week when I go back to work. She also had 'funny' ideas about weaning etc but I've talked to her positively about research etc and how great it is that we have this improved knowledge and now she is really on side - even with BLW! We've also talked about how things change and how some things are fads or fashions but some come from extensive research (eg SIDS guidelines). I haven't pooh-poohed her ideas as being outdated or awful and acknowledged how well she cared for us as children. We've had a couple of petty squabbles but for the most part it's been good-humoured and we can laugh at each other's personal foibles without offence being taken.

She lives close so she's already spent a lot of time with DS and I think you should try and make this a priority with your MIL, even if it's awkward at first. We are also paying for her to do a baby first aid course so she is confident if something happens. She is going to look after him at our house and I'll prepare and leave food for the day. She knows how grateful and happy we are that she is doing this both from a financial pov but also for DS to develop a close bond with her.

Decide what is most important to you and put your foot down if necessary but accept that there might be a few things you have to bite your tongue over. But I'd say the first step is spending more time together so you can talk about these issues calmly and without causing bad feeling.

ps My HV told me to give 3mo DS juice when he was constipated, I declined.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sat 04-May-13 11:22:44

ok may be being a little dim but i thought it was adviced to give cooled down boiled water, even at newborn age (obviousely not as a replasment meal for milk. but inbetween meals)

Um no. Small amounts for constipation in a FF baby but bf babies don't need water. Newborns don't need water, they need milk.

Guidelines are based on research, times have changed. My mum put me in a carrycot on the back seat of the car. Would I do the same? No.

There's no reason why the OP shouldn't say to her mil that she doesn't want her baby being given juice. Yes grandparents like to spoil with sweets and treats but this child is 3 months old and the OP is choosing to wean at six months. I'm not saying her mil is an idiot, but she should respect the OP's choices as a mother.

OP, it sound like you haven't found the best nursery. My DS goes two days a week and gets on really well. He even eats for them better than for me!

Lazyjaney Sat 04-May-13 11:32:19

"The latest "transient crapola" is based on greater understanding developed from more recent research and experience"

If only. Commercial interests, fads and what the latest celeb is doing all influence the current advice. The only thing you can guarantee is it will all have changed again by the time you have your next.

I'd trust the judgement of someone who has brought up my DH successfully long before Id trust the latest advice, especially if I'm asking that person for free childcare.

CecilyP Sat 04-May-13 11:54:15

ok may be being a little dim but i thought it was adviced to give cooled down boiled water, even at newborn age (obviousely not as a replasment meal for milk. but inbetween meals

Why would you? What a faff when all that the baby is consuming is liquid anyway. Having said that, water on its own won't do the baby any harm.

janey68 Sat 04-May-13 12:03:49

All research is funded by some organisation so even guidelines have to be considered in the light of stakeholder bias

But really, we're not talking life or death here. The MIL isn't planning to stick the baby unrestrained on the back seat of a car!! Small amounts of boiled cooled water will not harm a baby. They may not actively do it any good but that doesn't mean it will do harm. The MIL is making suggestions based on her experience of raising children which was totally valid at that time. Why on earth should she be up to scratch with new guidelines. I'm not because my children are well beyond babyhood now. I think it's so sad that some grandparents are viewed as a means of saving money and then criticised into the bargain! If I were the grandmother in question I'd be very tempted to say that id welcome a loving relationship so please visit or invite me whenever, but please don't use me for free childcare if you're going to rant on MN very five minutes in 'shock' at the fact that I don't automatically do the same as you

poppyandthelion Sat 04-May-13 12:23:28

I am not being ungrateful about MIL looking after DS and I don't see what that has to do me not being happy with him being giving food etc I don't approve of.

So, as she's looking after him for free, I should let her be able to do whatever she pleases in respect to looking after him? Even if that means my son being fed food on a regular basis that may not be good for him?

janey68 Sat 04-May-13 12:27:35

No it doesn't mean she can do whatever she pleases. But it does give you less control than you'd have with a properly regulated childcare set up. It may mean letting things go when they're not that major. Picking your battles. And not expressing 'shock' when she's not up to speed with things. Perfectly reasonable to express shock if a nursery or registered childminded doesn't know their stuff- they're in the business. But a woman who probably hasn't been near a baby for 30 or 40 years.. Ridiculous.

bigkidsdidit Sat 04-May-13 13:02:46

you would actually have far more control with a paid childcare setting.

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