to be slightly shocked when my MIL advised adding juice to my 3mo's water so he'll drink it?

(127 Posts)
poppyandthelion Fri 03-May-13 23:27:58

Hi, this is my first post!

I see my MIL every 3-4 weeks for an hour or 2 with my DS. This week at the visit I mentioned I have been trying to give him water but he's not really been interested. Her advice was to add juice to it..! He's 3 months old!

Also on a visit about a month ago she said that it wouldn't be long until I could give him rusks and prob from about 3 months. I said I'd be trying to not wean him until 6 months if I can but she thought that was silly and he could go much sooner.

These are not my main concerns as he's my DS and I'll be the one feeding him etc. For now.

When I go back to work we will have to have MIL looking after him 1 day a week and I'm slightly concerned as to what she'll feed him or give him to drink even with my instruction. My DP says he's turned out fine and all GM's spoil there GKs.

AIBU??

ApocalypseThen Sat 04-May-13 09:12:31

Once again, no-one actually cares about

peanut guidance changed in 2009 - peanut butter/other nut products are ok after 6 months, whole nuts from age 5

ApocalypseThen Sat 04-May-13 09:14:43

Sorry, no one cares about poor mil here. She's going to be expected to care for this child -free! - and she's not even let open her mouth to say what she thinks, let alone do it. Why would she bother? It's going to be a nightmare for her.

poppyandthelion Sat 04-May-13 09:18:41

Thanks for your replies.

The reason I am giving DS water IS due to constipation on the advice of my HV, plus she also advised do this as the weather gets warmer so he is not dehyrdated. He is solely formula fed.

I really never thought about how different the practices are now (a bit naive of me, I know). I know she wouldn't be meaning any harm whatsoever it's just that MIL uses "treats" to show affection iyswim. Even the cats get chocolate biscuits/cakes along with the neighbours dogs.

I am not expecting her to follow my instruction to the letter because once DS is with her for the day, what they do is up to her and I am okay with that. I just don't want him to be stuffed with junk food.

I think my issue is confidence, because I don't feel comfortable correcting her as I don't really know her that well but by the time it comes to leaving my DS I will have to make clear my expectations and I did like some of the suggestions on here for that.

Some of you may be shocked that I am willing to leave my DS with someone I hardly know however she is my DP's mother and I trust his judgement implicitly. Also, I would rather do this than use paid childcare as MIL has an emotional investment in my DS.

Flisspaps Sat 04-May-13 09:19:05

mathanxiety The NHS advice on nuts is: if after checking with your health visitor or doctor, you decide to introduce solid foods before six months, you should avoid giving your baby certain foods as they may cause food allergies or make your baby ill. These include foods that contain wheat, gluten, nuts, peanuts, peanut products..

So unless the poster I referred to has allergies in her family/her DP's family, there's no reason to avoid marzipan just because it contains nuts.

Yonionekanobe Sat 04-May-13 09:19:28

And no alcohol

Damn. I knew I'd done something wrong, but everyone was raving about BLW and the bottle was in her reach...

grin

BruthasTortoise Sat 04-May-13 09:21:11

This is why I'm quite happy that by the time my sons have children I will most likely still be in full time employment and not be expected to provide childcare for my grandchildren. Your MIL gave you the best advice she knew, if you don't agree don't do it. You've given no indication that she won't respect your wishes, even if she doesn't agree. Give the woman a break or find alternative childcare.

ApocalypseThen Sat 04-May-13 09:24:29

So you don't really know her, you can't speak frankly to her, you don't trust her, you want her to follow instructions which you can't discuss, and you want her to do this for the joy of being passive aggressived to death.

I'd love to be a mil.

FarBetterNow Sat 04-May-13 09:26:02

In five years time most of these guide lines will have changed - again!

BruthasTortoise Sat 04-May-13 09:27:06

Most women I know who had their children pre-1990 or so would advise very dilute juice and water for constipation. In fact many GPs, HVs etc still recommend it. Had your HV advised the same would you have been equally shocked?

janey68 Sat 04-May-13 09:27:30

You would rather use your MIL than paid childcare because she has an 'emotional investment' in him . More likely it's because it saves you a bob or two hmm
And then you have the nerve to complain and be 'shocked' that she isn't totally up to date with guidelines. Sheesh. I feel truly sorry for grandparents who are seen as a money saving device and then carped at and criticised for trying their best.
If you want someone who will know all the up to date guidelines and regulations then find a nursery or childminder.

mrspaddy Sat 04-May-13 09:30:05

I don't understand why you don't see your MIL more often now and yet want emotional investment of one day a week?

Lazyjaney Sat 04-May-13 09:31:12

"In five years time most of these guide lines will have changed - again!"

Indeed - I'd trust someone who successfully brought up my DH long before i trusted the latest child rearing money spinners theories, as you know it will all change again.

BruthasTortoise Sat 04-May-13 09:32:33

Also worth thinking that in 30 or so years time your DIL could be on a forum moaning about the ridiculous 6 month weaning guidelines you had been telling her about. Swings and roundabouts and all...

Goldmandra Sat 04-May-13 09:33:06

I would worry more about your DP's attitude than MIL's.

You should feel that he will back you up in following current advice on weaning, etc. If you can present a united front it should be fine.

If you can't present a united front and you think she will do things like wean him early on inappropriate foods you need to rethink your childcare arrangements. Just letting her get on with it because he turned out OK will cause untold stress for the whole family.

Lazyjaney Sat 04-May-13 09:36:17

"I would worry more about your DP's attitude than MIL's. You should feel that he will back you up in following current advice on weaning, etc. If you can present a united front it should"

What - support the latest transient crapola rather than his mother, who from his point of view brought him up very successfully?

Now that is unreasonable.

Kafri Sat 04-May-13 09:37:22

Cecily the consultant he's under for his reflux. x

diddl Sat 04-May-13 09:38:37

Can't help thinking that if he needs to drink the water then adding juice so that he does is a good thing.

poppyandthelion Sat 04-May-13 09:40:05

Yes, I would've be equally shocked if my HV suggested the same. Because juice is full of sugar/additives and I wouldn't want my DS having that so young. Plus my HV told me I spoil my DS and I should leave my son to cry when I mentioned he can only get to sleep by being held or rocked so I don't think my HV is always right.

I am not seeing my MIL as a money saving device, I want him to have a relationship with her, and me too. We have things in place for this before I have to go back to work so I do know her better before then. I would rather he stays with her than in a nursery where they don't care about him. They seem too impersonal to me. But that's my personal view. MIL herself has raised concerns about not knowing DS well enough at the moment. This has been for a variety of reasons and will be addressed. I don't want to have to leave him at all but that's the nature of the beast.

janey68 Sat 04-May-13 09:42:30

Oh yes of course because a childminder or nursery won't give a stuff will they lol

Honestly, your poor MIL.

If its for constipation then I probably would have advised a dash of juice as that was quite common when my eldest was young.

I think it makes sense to leave your baby with MIL rather than a childcare professional, it's not like you know them any better but will probably have more of a chance to get to know MIL as will your baby which is important, that's his grandmother.

I've used family a lot as childcare and what I would say is you need to work out what your priorities are in regards to his care, its different than aid childcare. If its weaning and routine, make sure mil is up to date with your opinions on those things rather than fussing about what clothes she puts him in. You have to relinquish some control with all childcare but with family you have to decide what areas you are ok with them having a bit of input. My MIL is very into the church, I'm not at all but I let her be ton with that as it doesn't really bother me and she is looking after them for me.

Yonionekanobe Sat 04-May-13 09:49:35

I think you need to look at different nurseries if that is what you have seen. I looked at six for DD and only one of them seemed like that and I dare say I may have just caught a bad moment. My daughter adores the staff at her nursery and I doubt that would be the case if they were 'impersonal'.

mynewpassion Sat 04-May-13 09:51:16

Sorry but I would add a bit of juice if it would help relieve the constipation. A bit of diluted juice once in a blue moon isn't going to hurt him.

diddl Sat 04-May-13 09:51:40

Are yes-MILs need to provide childcare once a week to have a relationship with their GC!!

Yonionekanobe Sat 04-May-13 09:52:19

Sorry meant to add..DD spends a day a week with my PILs. I know they give her treats but they adore her and I wouldn't dream of dictating to people who brought up both DH and BIL with no major problems.

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