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To lie to the church about our godparents?

(341 Posts)
bumblebeesue Fri 03-May-13 15:25:51

We're having our child christened, mostly at the insistence of our parents, but also because it's a nice day and (I suspect) it means more to DH than he is letting on.

I got the paperwork to fill in today and 'godparents' have to be christened with at least one being confirmed.

Even though I'm not sure what I believe, choosing godparents is still important to me as people who will be there for our children should anything happen to us... But out of our two best couple friends (one being my sibling and his wife, and the other being best friends of ours for 20 years) only one is christened. (and confirmed)

I don't want to have to choose other people just because they are christened. I want to choose the very best people for my child in the future. (plus I know that they all really want to do it and would be amazing.)

So AIBU to just tick 'christened' even though they aren't? And what are the chances of being caught out?

RooneyMara Sun 05-May-13 07:41:44

I think you need some other kind of ceremony for your requirements but not this.

you're making a mockery of it, this is why I don't like organised religion - it's pretty arbitrary.

But it's hypocritical and passive aggressive to stick your fingers up at the church's requirements while taking part in your own, individualised, bodged version of an important sacrament.

It'll invalidate your insurance you know.

RooneyMara Sun 05-May-13 07:36:49

I'm coming to this rather late but I'd suggest that if you want to go for a church sacrament then lying about something considered relevant by the church is a bit ridiculous...if you don't believe in or subscribe to the sacrament in its official form, why bother with it in the first place?

I'm sure this has already been said.

RubyGates Sun 05-May-13 07:29:45

I would ask them (the GrPs) to come with me on a visit to the priest/vicar, who I'm sure would be delighted to clarify the Church's position on matters of doctrine and his views on asking for a baptismal service for a child of non-believers with non-believers as God parents.

That way it is no longer the OP's problem, but merely a doctrinal one. Surely good Christian Grandparents wouldn't want to be part of a scheme which called for lies and hypocrisy?

mathanxiety Sat 04-May-13 23:19:55

You could ask them if they know what goes on in the mind of God?

aurynne Sat 04-May-13 23:18:22

Let me remind people who are worried about unbaptised babies going to limbo/hell that Jesus Himself was not baptised until His thirties, as was tradition back then. Do you really think everyone who died before their thirties in those years went to limbo/Hell?

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sat 04-May-13 21:05:53

So for all those who say you shouldn't do it what would you say to my PIL's who believe very strongly that if she hadn't been baptised then she would go to hell? We did it for them and for their comfort
I would say the same as I said to my father, who is. Jehovah's Witness:
"When my children are old enough to decide for themselves, they can be any religion they choose. Until that time, they will remain unchristened/unbaptised. You might hold those beliefs, but I don't and I won't be imposing those beliefs on a child who is unable to speak for themselves."

eccentrica Sat 04-May-13 20:34:25

sacre as I said above, I'm an atheist Jew, and I also think the OP is being extremely offensive and selfish (to the religious and the secular) so no, not all the "hate [is] coming from the religious!" as you said. I am not the only non-religious person to post on this thread who thinks it's unreasonable to have a christening if you don't believe in it (which you clearly don't if you're prepared to lie). Personally I just dislike hypocrisy and lies.

Kafri Sat 04-May-13 14:42:35

Apologies sacre - also have not intended to offend...

I just don't get the whole thing with wanting a religious ceremony if you're not religious. I'm not Jewish so wouldn't even contemplate having a Bar Mitzvah for DS so what's the difference??

OP will be making vows in church at her DC christening which by the sounds of it are unlikely to be kept - I'm sure she'd have something to say if her DH didn't keep his wedding vows... (whether civil or religious ceremony)

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sat 04-May-13 13:29:29

Phew OldLadyKnowsMoreThanMumAndI! Doubt mum will be comforted but shall let her know.grin

SacreBlue I hope I don't fall into the 'hateful' sort of category? I have faith and strongly disagree with the OP but have I come across badly to athiests? I try very hard not to come off as a zealot.

gymboywalton Sat 04-May-13 13:29:27

sacre- when a child is baptised, it's a ceremony welcoming that child into the church and making promises to bring them up as a christian.
Godparents are supposed to be responsible for part of ther spiritual and religious upbringing. That is whay they have to be part of the church. By pointing this out i don't think anyone is being hateful, just stating the facts.

the church also does a thanksgiving service for babies so that parents who don't want to make those promises can still have a lovely day for the child and family. perhaps that would be more appropriate?

StuntGirl Sat 04-May-13 13:22:23

I'm not religious. I still have morals so can see what she's planning to do is wrong.

SacreBlue Sat 04-May-13 13:19:53

Gosh a lot of hate coming from the religious! FYI all religions are made up by man and so it actually is alright to pick and choose no longer cares about flaming since supposedly 'caring' religious people are happy to lay waste to anyone not following their chosen fairy tale to the letter

gymboywalton Sat 04-May-13 13:08:56

you are usually asked for certificates
we were

i know you say you want the best people for your child but the role of a godparent is to help bring the child up in the faith
it's nothing to do with guardianship

i think you would def be unreasonable to lie

IceNoSlice Sat 04-May-13 13:06:55

Gosh, yet another thing I've learnt from MN when I least expected it. The pope abolished limbo (well, kind of). Thanks OldLady

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 04-May-13 12:56:59
exoticfruits Sat 04-May-13 12:30:57

If they have the silly idea of the unbaptised going to hell I would get the vicar/ priest to speak to them.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sat 04-May-13 12:01:58

Or maybe shock and if we had: [horror] would be a better descriptor of said toys.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sat 04-May-13 12:00:44

My mum's idea of 'limbo' is flying dead babies! blushshock(mainly)grin

Sorry. Am Catholic, follow the church but the image of flying angry babies still makes me giggle! Thinks of toy dolls in 99 pence shops.... hmm Maybe mum was right....

tholeon Sat 04-May-13 11:43:35

Tess of the D'urbervilles anyone? Horrible antiquated idea.

StuntGirl Sat 04-May-13 11:23:22

My Uncle didn't baptise my cousin so my v. Catholic Granny baptised him in the sink when she was babysitting him one day, precisely because she was scared he'd go to hell grin

tholeon Sat 04-May-13 10:45:46

I would think it was a terribly upsetting and wrong version of Christianity that would send an unbaptised baby to hell, and would have to speak to my in laws about it. Not ideas I would want my dc to grow up with or associate with church.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Sat 04-May-13 10:30:27

So for all those who say you shouldn't do it what would you say to my PIL's who believe very strongly that if she hadn't been baptised then she would go to hell? We did it for them and for their comfort

My parents or PIL wouldn't dare say anything like that to me and my DH grin.

TerrysAllGold Sat 04-May-13 09:52:32

"So for all those who say you shouldn't do it what would you say to my PIL's who believe very strongly that if she hadn't been baptised then she would go to hell?"

Honestly? I would say "This is my child, not yours. I don't believe so I'm not doing it. I call the shots here, not you".

Alternatively, I'd say:

"Get a grip FFS".

Kafri Sat 04-May-13 09:52:14

So for all those who say you shouldn't do it what would you say to my PIL's who believe very strongly that if she hadn't been baptised then she would go to hell? We did it for them and for their comfort.

I would say

'Im very sorry but this goes against my beliefs. If you would like to take dc to church each week then that is fine and dc can make up their own mind about being baptised when s/he is old enough'.

I had ds baptised in line with my faith and if he wishes, when he's old enough, he can choose to continue that faith and be confirmed or not. I certainly wouldn't be doing it for someone else (apart from DH, if it fell that way)
Your PILS had their say with their own dc.

Sirzy Sat 04-May-13 09:39:32

I don't think "to keep grandparents happy" is a good reason to baptise. If grandparents were from 2 different religions would you do ceremonies from both to keep all happy?

Even so that doesn't change the fact that the Op would be very unreasonable to lie to the church (or to anyone) about the faith of godparents

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