To lie to the church about our godparents?

(369 Posts)
bumblebeesue Fri 03-May-13 15:25:51

We're having our child christened, mostly at the insistence of our parents, but also because it's a nice day and (I suspect) it means more to DH than he is letting on.

I got the paperwork to fill in today and 'godparents' have to be christened with at least one being confirmed.

Even though I'm not sure what I believe, choosing godparents is still important to me as people who will be there for our children should anything happen to us... But out of our two best couple friends (one being my sibling and his wife, and the other being best friends of ours for 20 years) only one is christened. (and confirmed)

I don't want to have to choose other people just because they are christened. I want to choose the very best people for my child in the future. (plus I know that they all really want to do it and would be amazing.)

So AIBU to just tick 'christened' even though they aren't? And what are the chances of being caught out?

exoticfruits Sat 04-May-13 12:30:57

If they have the silly idea of the unbaptised going to hell I would get the vicar/ priest to speak to them.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 04-May-13 12:56:59
IceNoSlice Sat 04-May-13 13:06:55

Gosh, yet another thing I've learnt from MN when I least expected it. The pope abolished limbo (well, kind of). Thanks OldLady

gymboywalton Sat 04-May-13 13:08:56

you are usually asked for certificates
we were

i know you say you want the best people for your child but the role of a godparent is to help bring the child up in the faith
it's nothing to do with guardianship

i think you would def be unreasonable to lie

SacreBlue Sat 04-May-13 13:19:53

Gosh a lot of hate coming from the religious! FYI all religions are made up by man and so it actually is alright to pick and choose no longer cares about flaming since supposedly 'caring' religious people are happy to lay waste to anyone not following their chosen fairy tale to the letter

StuntGirl Sat 04-May-13 13:22:23

I'm not religious. I still have morals so can see what she's planning to do is wrong.

gymboywalton Sat 04-May-13 13:29:27

sacre- when a child is baptised, it's a ceremony welcoming that child into the church and making promises to bring them up as a christian.
Godparents are supposed to be responsible for part of ther spiritual and religious upbringing. That is whay they have to be part of the church. By pointing this out i don't think anyone is being hateful, just stating the facts.

the church also does a thanksgiving service for babies so that parents who don't want to make those promises can still have a lovely day for the child and family. perhaps that would be more appropriate?

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sat 04-May-13 13:29:29

Phew OldLadyKnowsMoreThanMumAndI! Doubt mum will be comforted but shall let her know.grin

SacreBlue I hope I don't fall into the 'hateful' sort of category? I have faith and strongly disagree with the OP but have I come across badly to athiests? I try very hard not to come off as a zealot.

Kafri Sat 04-May-13 14:42:35

Apologies sacre - also have not intended to offend...

I just don't get the whole thing with wanting a religious ceremony if you're not religious. I'm not Jewish so wouldn't even contemplate having a Bar Mitzvah for DS so what's the difference??

OP will be making vows in church at her DC christening which by the sounds of it are unlikely to be kept - I'm sure she'd have something to say if her DH didn't keep his wedding vows... (whether civil or religious ceremony)

eccentrica Sat 04-May-13 20:34:25

sacre as I said above, I'm an atheist Jew, and I also think the OP is being extremely offensive and selfish (to the religious and the secular) so no, not all the "hate [is] coming from the religious!" as you said. I am not the only non-religious person to post on this thread who thinks it's unreasonable to have a christening if you don't believe in it (which you clearly don't if you're prepared to lie). Personally I just dislike hypocrisy and lies.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sat 04-May-13 21:05:53

So for all those who say you shouldn't do it what would you say to my PIL's who believe very strongly that if she hadn't been baptised then she would go to hell? We did it for them and for their comfort
I would say the same as I said to my father, who is. Jehovah's Witness:
"When my children are old enough to decide for themselves, they can be any religion they choose. Until that time, they will remain unchristened/unbaptised. You might hold those beliefs, but I don't and I won't be imposing those beliefs on a child who is unable to speak for themselves."

aurynne Sat 04-May-13 23:18:22

Let me remind people who are worried about unbaptised babies going to limbo/hell that Jesus Himself was not baptised until His thirties, as was tradition back then. Do you really think everyone who died before their thirties in those years went to limbo/Hell?

mathanxiety Sat 04-May-13 23:19:55

You could ask them if they know what goes on in the mind of God?

RubyGates Sun 05-May-13 07:29:45

I would ask them (the GrPs) to come with me on a visit to the priest/vicar, who I'm sure would be delighted to clarify the Church's position on matters of doctrine and his views on asking for a baptismal service for a child of non-believers with non-believers as God parents.

That way it is no longer the OP's problem, but merely a doctrinal one. Surely good Christian Grandparents wouldn't want to be part of a scheme which called for lies and hypocrisy?

RooneyMara Sun 05-May-13 07:36:49

I'm coming to this rather late but I'd suggest that if you want to go for a church sacrament then lying about something considered relevant by the church is a bit ridiculous...if you don't believe in or subscribe to the sacrament in its official form, why bother with it in the first place?

I'm sure this has already been said.

RooneyMara Sun 05-May-13 07:41:44

I think you need some other kind of ceremony for your requirements but not this.

you're making a mockery of it, this is why I don't like organised religion - it's pretty arbitrary.

But it's hypocritical and passive aggressive to stick your fingers up at the church's requirements while taking part in your own, individualised, bodged version of an important sacrament.

It'll invalidate your insurance you know.

newmamaz1234 Wed 01-Apr-15 02:41:59

Bumblebeesue what was your outcome? did they request confirmation that both godparents were catholic/baptized?

waithorse Wed 01-Apr-15 04:41:07

YABU. Very unreasonable in fact.

Mrsstarlord Wed 01-Apr-15 07:09:22

Non religious person here who also thinks YABU.

YABU to christen your kids into a religion that you have not only got no belief in but also no respect for, because you think it will be a 'nice day'
YABU to choose your best friends to be godparents rather than people who will actually fulfil the role.
YABU to lie about this in order to get your own way.
YABU to ask if YABU and then dismiss anyone who thinks you are as angry and religious when most aren't.
You are being disrespectful and deceitful, your responses show that you have an attitude which is far removed from Christianity so I really can't see any reason for Christening your kids other than for show / for the nice day / for the new outfit. So sad.

Mrsstarlord Wed 01-Apr-15 07:09:56

Rooney - yes!!

SunshineAndShadows Wed 01-Apr-15 07:18:44

Another art heist here who thinks YABU. Christianity is a religion with rules and values. Lying about what you believe just so you can have some nice photos and a nice day out is both ridiculous and deceitful. Have a non-religious device for goodness sake!

bedhaven Wed 01-Apr-15 07:23:14

I haven't been christened and so have sadly declined to be a godparent to a few friends kids. At a christening ceremony I would have to promise to guide the child in the Christian faith, I didnt feel it was right to lie in church to people who really believe. I am however the "fairy godmother" and have promised to take on my best friends children should anything happen to her and and her partner.
How do the individuals you have asked to be GP feel?
Is there a compromise of having faith guiding godparents and some fairies?

Aridane Wed 01-Apr-15 07:29:43

Two observations here - made by other posters:

1) godparents won't have automatic status to step in if you're no longer there - if that's the rationale for them being godparents, you need to take the appropriate legal steps

2) I was asked to be a godparent. Friend spoke with vicar about my non christened / non believing status - and that was fine. Personally, I didn't feel appropriate to undertake this commitment without clearing it first with the vicar

sashh Wed 01-Apr-15 07:44:18

Not sure if applies in all denominations but in some you can have 'sponsors' sometimes known as 'witnesses', they basically fulfil the same purpose (which is not to look after your children when you are dead) but do not have to be baptised.

Don't forget a Baptism is not just a ceremony for the baby, it is also a ceremony in which godparents repeat the vows made for them at baptism, how can they do that if they have not made those vows?

ilovesooty Wed 01-Apr-15 07:47:55

Another zombie thread. angry

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