in sending out invitations to a birthday party that are really wedding invitations?

(104 Posts)
bouncychair Thu 02-May-13 22:01:19

DP and I have been engaged a while. He has a big birthday coming up later in the year and we've been thinking about planning a fake surprise party for him which will actually be our wedding day. If we go ahead it will be a church wedding followed by a big party in a field with a marquee.

I really don't want turn into a bridezilla and spend the next 6 months talking to everyone about wedding planning. The only person we would tell is my mum because I'm her only daughter and she is really exicited about helping me plan my wedding.

My only concern is that people might not make as much effort for a birthday as they might for a wedding and say that they can't make it. DP's argument is that if they aren't going to make an effort for his birthday then why should we invite them to our wedding?

So would IBU sending out invites for a surprise party when it's really a wedding?

Annunziata Thu 02-May-13 22:02:46

YANBU, that sounds amazing!

You need to try and take a photo of everyone when they realise grin

It sounds very cool! You'll end up with odd wedding presents but who cares!

nocake Thu 02-May-13 22:03:26

I think that's a brilliant idea. You could encourage people to come by over playing how pleased you will both be to see them at the party.

Gossipmonster Thu 02-May-13 22:03:58

We are also planning this grin

bouncychair Thu 02-May-13 22:05:01

Gossipmonster - are you really? When? I've told a few fibs in my op just incase anyone I know is on here!

Bowlersarm Thu 02-May-13 22:07:24

No YWBU. What a lovely idea. Everyone will remember your wedding for ever more-what a twist!

Try and make the 'birthday' invitation smart dress though as if I were your guest, I think I would want to be dressed appropriately for a wedding.

Arkady Thu 02-May-13 22:08:36

DH went to a housewarming that turned out to be a wedding reception. He thought it was really cool. (Ceremony was immediate family only and they only found out the day before).

Gossipmonster Thu 02-May-13 22:09:32

We have two years to wait until its both our big bday.

We are planning on sending invited to a formal evening party "do" asking out guests to wear "evening" wear and just spring it on everyone halfway through (evening do so only have to feed everyone once wink ).

We will tell our siblings who both live abroad.

We figure if people can't be arsed to turn up for our birthday do then I couldn't care less if they come to our wedding smile

SizzleSazz Thu 02-May-13 22:09:43

My friend did this. They said it was a 'big' birthday celebration which was going to have a 'race day' event - video races with betting etc, so we had to wear race attire.

When all the guests arrived, the bridal party were dressed as race officials and bookmakers.

Once everyone was there, there were a few drinks before going through for lunch. At that point they told people. Was brilliant although we actually guessed before, but weren't 100% sure

numbum Thu 02-May-13 22:10:11

Sounds amazing! Do it although I'm not sure how you can get them to the church without realising

Gossipmonster Thu 02-May-13 22:10:20

Invites and our ARGH!!!

MimiSunshine Thu 02-May-13 22:10:41

I actually know someone who did this, I didn't go because I don't live near them and the date didn't suit for me.
The invites we're very specific about arrival time and I know some people missed the wedding because they arrived late (it did sound bizarrely early in the evening for an adult birthday party).

So YWNBU to do this but think about the practicalities, how would you get everyone to the church without letting the cat of the bag on the invites? Don't expect people to make the kind of effort to attend as they would if they knew it was a wedding and maybe think about going down a less traditional route for the ceremony, people don't tend to dress the same for birthday parties as they do for weddings and the guests I mentioned above felt a bit daft that the hadn't made as much of an effort as the people in the know.

ivykaty44 Thu 02-May-13 22:16:47

I have recently heard of a baptism for two children at a village church - turning into a wedding once everyone was seated - even the parents of the bride and groom didn't know that there off spring were getting married.

As it was a baptism everyone did make an effort to get dressed up

maddening Thu 02-May-13 22:19:00

only concern would be your "side" for whom your dh's bday might be more missable.

OutragedFromLeeds Thu 02-May-13 22:19:02

Random celebrity fact 217: Sandra Bullock did this for her wedding.

I don't know how I know that confused.

I may have read it in the sidebar of shame pre-boycott.

jacks365 Thu 02-May-13 22:25:12

I'm with maddening on this although your dp's family may make a big effort would all of yours?

bouncychair Thu 02-May-13 22:25:49

The field is right next to the church so no worries about getting people there and we have always wanted a casual wedding anyway!

bouncychair Thu 02-May-13 22:27:35

Dp gets on better with my family than his own so not worried about that. I just don't know if he'll be able to go without a stag night!

onedev Thu 02-May-13 22:29:57

I think it sounds brill grin

NeverFinishWhatYouStarted Thu 02-May-13 22:30:11

BUT! People will bring birthday presents for your DH and you won't get any stuff for you couple-y wedding presents.

(That is literally the only problem I would have with the whole idea though)

Trill Thu 02-May-13 22:31:06

I agree with MimiSunchine - you'll need to be very very careful about practicalities and making sure that everyone knows that they need to stick to a much stricter schedule than they would for just a party.

Talkinpeace Thu 02-May-13 22:34:08

Mark Zuckerberg did it too
GO FOR IT

StuntGirl Thu 02-May-13 22:37:19

I wouldn't personally. I would move heaven and earth to get to a good friend's wedding if I needed to, but a birthday would be more flexible for me and I'd arrange to take them out another time if I couldn't make the birthday (thinking work commitments etc).

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Thu 02-May-13 22:37:34

What about dropping a few hints closer to the time that it may be a wedding. Tell your gossipiest Auntie something that makes her think that you have accidently let it slip that you are getting married.

Then, when the rumors start deny it with a wry smile.

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