I fucking HATE being a MOTHER! I want to run far, far away.........

(39 Posts)
TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras Thu 02-May-13 17:45:11

Just that.

Wish I could just visit them from time to time, preferably at bedtime and someone else could deal with all this crap day in, day out. Screaming, crying, arguing, fighting, fucking crumbs, unidentified disgusting things and snot angry everywhere, refusal to anything, door slamming, name calling, stomping, stamping.

Aaaargggghhhhh.

IvorHughJarse Thu 02-May-13 17:46:55

Have some wine (it's nearly evening, right?) and some flowers

We all have days like this. Is it just a day like this or is it full time like this?

StuntGirl Thu 02-May-13 17:47:22

sad You sound very stressed tiaras. How many children do you have? Do you have a partner?

TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras Thu 02-May-13 17:51:27

Most of the time except between the magic hours of 10pm and midnight. That's if the 'teenage nightmare' actually goes to bed when she's told and does'nt have extra tantrums about that .

I suffer really badly from panic attacks and anxiety. Sometimes I think my heart is going to give out. I keep expecting it to sad. I really did not think I would suffer like this before I had DCs. Makes things 10 times harder!

TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras Thu 02-May-13 17:59:39

I have 4 (don't say it!).

Today the twins were off school as it was closed due to it being a polling station hmm. Them + toddler is not a good mix (understatement). They like to make him scream hmm and he wants everything they've got and to do everything they do. Weekends are bad enough.

I took them to play tennis, toddler wanted the ball so screamed, stopped play, screamed.
Played football with toddler, twins took the ball off him, he screamed.
Played basketball with twins, toddler screamed for ball.
Took them to park, twins raced to get on everything before toddler, so toddler screamed.
Took them to KFC, toddler screamed for same food as twins.
Took them to get new shoes - lets not go there.
Teen gets in and stamps and stomps, raids food cupboards, floods bathroom, stamps and stomps, shouts at brothers ad finitum.

Andro Thu 02-May-13 17:59:43

You sound to be having a really rough time Tiaras, how old are your DC?

I think every parent has probably wanted to run and hide at some point, children can bring you the greatest joy or send you to the depths of personal hell...usually within the space of a few minutes. Maybe finding some 'you' time this w/e would help? Is there any way you can leave your dc in the hands of your DP for a couple of hours? Anything to let you be something other than mum?

StuntGirl Thu 02-May-13 18:00:06

Do you have any support at home?

IvorHughJarse Thu 02-May-13 18:02:08

I only have one and I often feel out of my depth. He's 2 and today has cried because:
He wanted toast
He got toast
He wanted the toast he told me he didn't want
He didn't want the toast when I gave it back
He wanted pink milk
He didn't like the milk because it was pink
Peppa Pig was on the television
Peppa Pig finished
etc.....

So, that x 4 sounds absolutely utterly exhausting. Are you on your own or do you have other support?

pebblepots Thu 02-May-13 18:04:37

What about seeing the GP regarding the anxiety & panic attacks? That's hard to live with.

StuntGirl Thu 02-May-13 18:07:36

X-post with yours.

No wonder you sound shattered, poor love sad

MolotovCocktail Thu 02-May-13 18:10:51

Sounds like you've had a hard day, OP.

Have some wine smile

You don't hate being a Mum - you've just hated today. Tomorrow is another day - aim to make it a happy one x

eminemmerdale Thu 02-May-13 18:13:18

Wellaccording to another current thread you need a 'Parenting Course' However, I have been where you are now - it's so hard. I did actually walk away once - only to the pub grin but I was so stressed by a babay, a 5 year old and a 15 year old driving me insane that i wanted to just take my passport and go. It's hideous, it's horrible and you feel awful. You need some support and help - and time away, just an hour at the library used to do it for me.

TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras Thu 02-May-13 18:17:12

IvorHughJarse Ha, DC4 pretty much the same. It is funny later, much, much later when you look back on it.

How on earth did I forget the toddler stage was so hard after having TWINS! I really must be loopy.

'D'H works ALL the time and has no idea why I find it such hard work. No family. I was the scapegoat in mine and now they all hate me because I decided to relinquish that role.

GP, counselling yes, yes. Opened up my can of worms good and proper. Should have done it before I had DCs though. Catch 22 as I did'nt know what a horror my family was until I had my own. That old chestnut. Dealing with it all now and trying to be a 'good enough' mother myself is a massive struggle.

StuntGirl Thu 02-May-13 18:20:07

You sound like you've taken so many positive steps though tiara, you should be really proud of yourself!

Is there anything your husband could help you with to relieve the stress?

DogsAreEasierThanChildren Thu 02-May-13 18:25:10

Well, the first thing you need to do is to go away for a couple of days leaving DH in charge and then he'll find out why you're finding it hard (assuming that when you say he works all the time you don't mean 7 days a week, every week of the year). Everything seems worse if your partner's belittling your problems. And the break would be a proper rest - it doesn't sound as though you ever get one.

I'm wondering if maybe you should hire a babysitter/nanny for a day and just go somewhere and enjoy the quiet.

After having only one, I am amazed by anyone who has 2, never mind 4!!

Yeh, I agree with Dogs, try to get a few breaks if you can, and go and do something nice, maybe with a friend. My DH copes quite well if I go away for the weekend (possibly better than me in some ways hmm), but I know it's not possible for everyone. But everyone should be able to have the odd evening or afternoon off. If it's not completely 24/7 it can be such a help and give you not only a rest and a break, but also really help with getting a perspective on things.
Also things will change, DC's get a year older every birthday !
Striving to be a "good enough" mother is a noble thing to do - especially when you've had a tough upbringing yourself, and really helpful I've found.

Get the husband to book some holidays from work and stay home with the kids, while you bugger off out for a full day, and if you can stretch to it a night in a hotel too.

It sounds like the youngest screaming is the most trying?? I have to admit I would struggle with that.

C0smos Thu 02-May-13 18:44:46

Any chance you could get a job, probably hard to manage child care with so many but I'm a much better parent as I only have to do it for 2 - 3 hours a day instead of 12.

NellysKnickers Thu 02-May-13 18:48:33

Nothing useful to add really but just wanted to say you are amazing and brilliant to have got this far. My two are 2 and 7, they are lovely but oh my fucking god they drive me mental. Toddler is sooo independent, won't accept any help whatsoever and screams like a deranged screaming thing if someone tries to help, 7 year old challenges everything, 2 year old likes to hurl full plates of food, 7 year old finds this hilarious........these are just a few examples, there are many more I wont bore you with. My point is, I struggle with half the amount of kids you have. You are fab, don't forget it.

IvorHughJarse Thu 02-May-13 18:51:20

Yes, it's only funny at the time if you're at the stage of sleep-deprived madness that induces hysterical laughter as a defence against sitting in the corner rocking and crying...

If DH has no clue how hard it is then can you try and tell him? Try to make him see? I second the suggestion that he could take some time off.

You are a good enough mother x

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Thu 02-May-13 18:54:35

I love your description of your day. It made me laugh and feel very sorry for you
I had three kids in three (nearly four) years and that was bad enough. I wouldn't have like to puta stompy teen into the mix.
I think I am still carrying the mental scars from shoe shopping.

All I can say is that it will get better wan smile honest, it will

In the meantime wine brew etc

getmeoutofthismadhouse Thu 02-May-13 18:59:15

I know children are hard work but please count your blessings. My 2 are in Foster care at the moment and there isn't a day go by I don't miss them. I would love to being able to have a day where my kids play me up ,like most children do but let me tell you without them you would feel like you've lost your right arm (along with half your heart!!) But I take my hat off to parents who have lots of kids, you are worth your weight in gold ,even if it's just for your patience you must have smile

OhTheConfusion Thu 02-May-13 19:19:25

It sounds like you need a break sad

AnonAndOnAndOn Thu 02-May-13 19:51:50

IvorHugeArse your post reminded me of this blog: Reasons my son is crying

OP you sound exhausted. Cut yourself some slack. Just keep saying to yourself 'this too shall pass'.

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