....to be really angry at my cousin's wife

(74 Posts)
Cailinsalach Thu 02-May-13 11:32:31

...not actually doing it of course, just wanting to.... Really badly....

This woman has been married to my cousin for about 35 years. In that time she has had big massive screamy shouty sweary rows with everyone in the family. All her in laws. Everyone of us. Some she has had numerous screamy times with.

She perceives slights and insults where none were intended. We all learned years ago that you just don't joke with this woman, never tease, definitely no banter, she just couldn't take it. So we all tiptoe around her, conversing about the weather and who won the match and completely avoiding anything that she could misinterpret as insulting to her or her family.

Anyway my coping mechanism means that I avoid her, although it means I don't see very much of my cousin who is a really nice bloke. They live next door but one to me and my Dad.

Now this is where my piss goes from a simmer to a rolling boil. My old Dad, 90, met her and stopped for a chat. Dad tends to speak before he thinks and sometimes could word his thoughts better, but there is nothing nasty or spiteful about him. He is a sweet gentle elderly old man. She told him she was feeling unwell with a recurring chest infection and she had been to A&E twice last week then went away for a hen party for two days.

Dad said she should have stayed in hospital. He meant well. He meant she might be feeling better if she was under medical care. So what did the rip roaring bitch do to my poor old Dad? Yup. Screamed and swore and shouted at him. He couldn't even tell what she was saying as she yelled in his face. Now Dad is all upset, not sleeping and having panic attacks. 90 years old and frightened of his nephew's wife.

So this throat ripping idea. Is it really bad?

HazeltheMcWitch Thu 02-May-13 11:34:26

I saw the thread title and thought - oooh, a bit much.

But then I read the OP, and if someone had upset my dad (also old, a bit infirm...), yes I would want to obliterate them, painfully,.

So YANBU to imagine doing it.

DribbleWiper Thu 02-May-13 11:34:54

Nope, perfectly reasonable. Suggest getting someone to hold her while you do it.

What a complete cow.

helenthemadex Thu 02-May-13 11:36:54

rip away!

maybe what this nasty bullying cow needs is someone to actually stand up to her and tell her she is a vile bully and shout back at her

aldiwhore Thu 02-May-13 11:36:55

I too was going to mention the title was horrible (it is horrible), but YANBU to be so angry.

What a hateful woman.

KirstyoffEastenders Thu 02-May-13 11:37:16

What a bitch. Must be a slightly less violent way of knocking her off her pedestal, sounds like she needs it though.

CrowsLanding Thu 02-May-13 11:37:53

What disgusting behaviour, I would feel the same as you.
Is there any chance you can speak to your cousin about how his wife has made your dad feel?

HoHoHoNoYouDont Thu 02-May-13 11:41:05

She could do with putting herself forward for an assessment of her mental health.

ENormaSnob Thu 02-May-13 11:41:24

Yes, she deserves a pasting.

Stupid bitch.

ChocsAwayInMyGob Thu 02-May-13 11:41:53

What a toxic person. She sounds unhinged. Does your nice cousin enable her? Why has he not tried to reason with her over all these years? Surely her own husband could try and stop these nasty offensive outbursts?

I hope your Dad is OK. He didn't say anything wrong. If you're using up A and E time twice in a week you're hardly well enough to go hen nighting.

pickledginger Thu 02-May-13 11:42:07

I thought it sounded harsh. Then I read your post.

Do you need anyone to hold your coat whilst you do it?

What does your cousin do about it?

Kormachameleon Thu 02-May-13 11:43:59

I actually would be contacting the police. She has verbally assured your father and intimidated him and frightened him

Then I would tear her limb from limb

VinegarTits Thu 02-May-13 11:44:02

YANBU

'this is where my piss goes from a simmer to a rolling boil'

i love the way you worded this though, im nicking that

Nasty cow, WTF is wrong with her? Definitely tell your cousin, she's way out of line.

Cromwell44 Thu 02-May-13 11:45:56

Your phrasing in the title seemed a bit extreme but having read the post I can see where you're coming from so YANBU. I think aging, particularly frail, v elderly parents bring out the 'tiger mother' response in us. It certainly did with me.

Take action, it'll make you feel better. I'd write a very cold, unemotional letter to this individual spelling out very clearly that her behaviour was unacceptable and describe how it has affected your dad. Point out his age, his frailty and his innocent remarks and the complete inappropriateness of her response.
Leave it at that, have nothing more to do with her.

You don't say whether she's been tackled about this in the past.

squoosh Thu 02-May-13 11:46:13

I was all ready to say you were being OTT......but no way. I would not accept anyone treating my 90 year old father like that. No matter who they were, no matter what anger management issues she had.

No wonder she feels confident in screeching and roaring as she sees fit if everyone is on tenterhooks around her.

You should all get together and tell her 'NO MORE'.

ChocsAwayInMyGob Thu 02-May-13 11:48:16

squoosh I agree. If someone has behaved like this for 35 years it's because nobody has stopped her. Now is the time. Do not give her any more power over any of you.

MaxPepsi Thu 02-May-13 11:48:23

Oh I'd just punch the fucking bitch. Sounds like you would be doing mankind a favour if you did.

However she would report you I'm quite sure.

I'd go up to her. And tell her in very calm and quiet manner just so no one else can hear you that if she EVER speaks to anyone in the same way again that you are indeed going to rip her head off and piss down her throat.

I did something quite similar to my SIL. When she tried to garner sympathy for my 'atrocious behaviour' she had to then explain why i'd said it in the first place. She was soon brought down a peg or two and was told she was lucky i hadn't actually followed it through.

It only takes one of you to finally put her in her place and stand up to her.

Cailinsalach Thu 02-May-13 11:48:31

I wish I knew why she reacts like this to people. It usually comes right out of the blue.

Everyone is frightened of her, including her MIL, my aunt. When my Uncle was alive he would tell her to feck off and feck off home to her own people. After a couple of honest exchanges of opinions with him she developed a different coping strategy. This was basically identify the weaker, less confrontational people and scream at them.

Ah well. Dad said he'll just try and ignore her. Me too. (Grrrrrrr)

CrazyOldCatLady Thu 02-May-13 11:49:01

Another one who thought the title was a bit much till I read the post.

I wouldn't bother trying to do anything about it though, I'd just steer well clear. She doesn't sound like someone who can be reasoned with.

Is your cousin not mortified?

MrsGeologist Thu 02-May-13 11:49:36

I'd be tempted to dish out a bit of what she likes to dish out, with lots of family to back you up.

Nasty woman.

MansView Thu 02-May-13 11:51:18

people like her should simply be ignored...don't even engage her in any conversation full stop...

RooneyMara Thu 02-May-13 11:55:01

erm, no. It's not a very good idea tbf. I dislike intimations of violence even when said violence may well be required to have any impact

it's frustrating but I think you need to stop thinking like this and start thinking of actual ways to solve the problem iyswim x

She lives two houses away - can you report her to the policy and get a restraining order?

For a 100 metre exclusion zone?

So that the bitch can't live in that house anymore?! wink

Cailinsalach Thu 02-May-13 11:56:44

My cousin, in the past, has been mortified. He has spoken to her and she occasionally apologises for these outbursts. I do think she has a mental health issue but I don't know if she has ever addressed it.

When I was young my Dad told me a swift coward always lived longer than a slow hero. So.....................scatter!

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