....to be really angry at my cousin's wife

(74 Posts)
Cailinsalach Thu 02-May-13 11:32:31

...not actually doing it of course, just wanting to.... Really badly....

This woman has been married to my cousin for about 35 years. In that time she has had big massive screamy shouty sweary rows with everyone in the family. All her in laws. Everyone of us. Some she has had numerous screamy times with.

She perceives slights and insults where none were intended. We all learned years ago that you just don't joke with this woman, never tease, definitely no banter, she just couldn't take it. So we all tiptoe around her, conversing about the weather and who won the match and completely avoiding anything that she could misinterpret as insulting to her or her family.

Anyway my coping mechanism means that I avoid her, although it means I don't see very much of my cousin who is a really nice bloke. They live next door but one to me and my Dad.

Now this is where my piss goes from a simmer to a rolling boil. My old Dad, 90, met her and stopped for a chat. Dad tends to speak before he thinks and sometimes could word his thoughts better, but there is nothing nasty or spiteful about him. He is a sweet gentle elderly old man. She told him she was feeling unwell with a recurring chest infection and she had been to A&E twice last week then went away for a hen party for two days.

Dad said she should have stayed in hospital. He meant well. He meant she might be feeling better if she was under medical care. So what did the rip roaring bitch do to my poor old Dad? Yup. Screamed and swore and shouted at him. He couldn't even tell what she was saying as she yelled in his face. Now Dad is all upset, not sleeping and having panic attacks. 90 years old and frightened of his nephew's wife.

So this throat ripping idea. Is it really bad?

goonyagoodthing Thu 02-May-13 13:39:34

She sounds like a prize bastard. So the question now is, what ARE you going to do? Is it going to be swept under the carpet for fear of upsetting the nasty woman further or is someone going to stand up and let her have it for verbally attacking and frightening a 90 year old man? Get onto the police and report her, and teach her a bit of manners that she lack so much. Or get the rest of your family into a room with her and reduce her to a quivering wreck with some home truths.

Do not let her get away with this OP. Who does she think she is, I don't know you from Adam but I am so mad for your poor father.

Cailinsalach Thu 02-May-13 13:39:44

Thanks everyone. I shall think it over before I act but I will tell the family.

My cousin is between a rock and a hard place. I will probaby tell him but Dad wants to put it behind him, kill the drama, ignore this horrible woman and regain his peace of mind.

Fakebook Thu 02-May-13 13:42:00

If anyone did this to my dad, I'd be around their house in a second and not be held responsible for anything that would happen thereafter. Call the police and report her. Your Dad doesn't deserve to be spoken to like that and be fearful because of some unhinged loony.

Eskino Thu 02-May-13 13:46:03

I'm the queen of avoidance and ruler of all that is non-confrontational in the interests of a quiet life, but I'd be straight round there asking what she meant by upsetting my elderly dad.

What a mean cow. She needs a dose of her own medicine.

Whilst I would, in my head, plot allsorts of horrible revenge, what I would actually do is go around and tell her and your cousin that if there is ever a repeat performance you will go to the police.

That way your Dad doesn't have to deal with a fuss now but she is on notice that you won't tolerate your Dad being treated that way.

I wouldn't engage in a conversation with her about it I would just use the the broken record technique and keep repeating "if you ever speak to Dad like that again I will call the police" no matter if she screams or shouts. That we you have been totally calm and reasonable and she is completely in the wrong. If you get into a slanging match then run the risk of her claiming you started an argument etc. and you lose the moral highground.

That way

I agree with Chaz - I would be tempted to go round and tell her that you are fed up with her attitude, she is being a complete bully and if she ever speaks to your dad, you, her MIL in such an aggressive way again then you will go to the police. Then cut her out of your life.

I cannot understand why people are willing to be miserable and put up with being treated so badly to make life easier for others. My DH did it for years with his DB and SIL until they started treating me like shit. There was no drama he just told them he didn't want to have any more arguments and they haven't spoken for years. It was a little uncomfortable for a couple of months but everyone is happy with the situation now.

A couple of months of bad feeling is better than another 35 years of abuse.

RebeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 02-May-13 14:40:21

Hi all,

Following a few reports, we have edited this thread title as we thought the original was a little - erm - beyond the pale.

squoosh Thu 02-May-13 14:41:19

'........................to think my cousin's wife is a dashed rotter'

pickledginger Thu 02-May-13 14:41:24

It was, but when you read what she did I understand the hyperbole.

cumfy Thu 02-May-13 14:45:08

She sounds evil.

How does she have any friends ? (55+ and invited to a hen ?)

Cailinsalach Thu 02-May-13 14:46:38

Oooer. I am beyond the pale! How has this affected my street cred?

(My sons will be so proud....)

Cailinsalach Thu 02-May-13 14:49:30

The hen weekend was for her future dil. And no, I honestly don't believe she has any many friends.

Miggsie Thu 02-May-13 14:50:01

Sounds like you dad has been appeasing a total bully for many many years and his attitude has allowed her to grow into a total monster.

If you follow your dads advice you will be living like this for the rest of your lives. Remeber enablers of bullies are just as culpable as the bully in these situations. My dad and his dad allowed grandmother to terrorise the entire family for YEARS and caused untold misery. If only someone had said "piss off you mad old bag" and ignored her for the rest of time, how much better life would have been.

Tell her enough is enough and stand up to her every time she does this - otherwise you condone bullying and threats and it will go on and on through all the genrations - my gran DIED screaming abuse at all those gahtered by her bedside and - get this- those who could not be at the bedside had to gather round a phone and listen to it - I kid you NOT - nothing like listening to granny dying screaming abuse at you.

I urge you to stand up to her, and tell your dad not to let her get away with it. Bullies and criminals get away with it when no one does anything.

musickeepsmesane Thu 02-May-13 14:50:07

I agree with chaz. I would make sure your cousin was there when you spoke to his bitch wife so he is fully informed too.

HansieMom Thu 02-May-13 16:01:40

I sure pity her future DIL. Maybe you could introduce DIL to Mumsnet.

StuntGirl Thu 02-May-13 18:44:07

Ooh am I the only one wondering what the original title was?

manticlimactic Thu 02-May-13 19:26:18

No stunt you're not. grin

musickeepsmesane Thu 02-May-13 19:27:11

Stuntgirl, I think it was to do with possibly, maybe removing part of the bitches throat!

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 02-May-13 19:32:40

Would you like a lift?

Oh yanbu

I also sorry I missed the title.

I would be making friends with future DIL so at least she have some normal to talk to.

I wouldn't feel sorry for you uncle as he been enabling her for 35+ years with her behaviour by not pulling her up.

DameFanny Thu 02-May-13 20:03:21

My offer no longer makes sense sad

Snazzynewyear Thu 02-May-13 20:37:28

Another one agreeing with chaz. Go round and tell her this will never happen again or the police will be called. And be prepared to do it right then if she starts screeching at you.

digerd Thu 02-May-13 21:07:06

Various apt sayings come to mind
You need to fight fire with fire
She needs a dose of her own medicine
Those 2 anyway.
I can't believe nobody ever stood up to her shock. Your poor dad, it could have killed him angry sad

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