to be shaking and crying

(58 Posts)
ariane5 Wed 01-May-13 14:26:12

After MASSIVE argument with mil.

It has been brewing for years, she owes us money, undermines and criticises me and belittles the dcs disabilities.

Today she phoned and had a go that dh was off work for dcs to all have their mmr (we have 4 dcs) told me I should learn to drive etc and do these things myself, I pointed out we neither have the funds for driving lessons OR the time.
She went on to criticise most aspects of my parenting and how terrible it is that dh is off for so many hosp appts and that bil business is suffering because of me and dcs (dh works for bil)

She was horrible and I bit, lost my temper and told her exactly what I thought. How dare she criticise us we try so hard with 4 very poorly dcs-bil knew the situation when he employed dh but apparently I am making bil ill as he has to work longer hours when dh is off.

Aibu to be so upset?

pickledginger Wed 01-May-13 14:52:42

And let her stew.

I'm glad DH is on your side. He is obviously doing his best.

Hope she gets over herself soon.

zzzzz Wed 01-May-13 14:58:17

I should think BIL is proud to help. The dc are his brothers children FFS.

ignore old hag and ask for your money back.

DamnBamboo Wed 01-May-13 15:00:14

Glad DH is on your side.

Let her stew and ignore, ignore, ignore

flowers for you OP

wonderingagain Wed 01-May-13 15:02:55

I think it sounds as though she is getting between dh and bil. Some mothers are jealous when siblings develop a bond. It may only take bil to say 'I'm so tired, I had to work extra hours this week because mr ariane was off work' for her to turn it into something that she can use to get between them.

I would suggest you talk to bil, try to be as open with him as possible about the time off and develop that relationship and build on it. Eventually mil will realise that the two of them can get on fine without her.

The last thing dh and bil want is a fallout because of her. Some mothers do this and can go undetected for years as the siblings are pitted against each other.

ariane5 Wed 01-May-13 15:08:38

Dh has told me that things are fine with bil and the business, yes they do have a lot of jobs to complete and deliver but bil knows how hard it is with dcs.

MIL is just being a cow. She keeps texting me know and I'm not replying.she keeps saying how its too much for bil working long hours and that he will get ill if dh isn't there everyday to "share the workload".

ariane5 Wed 01-May-13 15:09:13

Not not know

pickledginger Wed 01-May-13 15:10:04

Can you switch your phone off for a while?

ariane5 Wed 01-May-13 15:11:01

Now ! Stupid phone keys !!

LazyMonkeyButler Wed 01-May-13 15:11:51

Poor you sad. I wouldn't dignify that with a response.

ariane5 Wed 01-May-13 15:13:25

I might have to if she doesn't stop. She's trying to justify what she said and I really don't care, she was hateful to me and I cannot put up with it anymore she has pushed me to my limit.

Going to have a big bar of chocolate now!

pickledginger Wed 01-May-13 15:13:54

Ah. X-posts. That would be a no then grin

As lovely as we are, if she's sending messages and you need your phone to MN maybe you could take a break and do something else for a while?

pickledginger Wed 01-May-13 15:15:45

Chocolate is always the answer. Exercise helps but chocolate is more fun.

zzzzz Wed 01-May-13 15:16:40

Text back.

Thank you for highlighting the situation for me. Other people's perspectives can be very helpful. Please can you pay us back £x that we lent you on Friday as we need the money. Xxx

MissLurkalot Wed 01-May-13 15:17:28

Instead of complaining, why can't she just bloody help? Jeeez, these are her grandchildren! ((( ))) xx

wonderingagain Wed 01-May-13 15:29:18

That's what I was thinking misslurkalot.

She's feeling left out - involve her!

ariane5 Wed 01-May-13 15:30:53

She doesn't like to help, she has said before its too much as dcs dislocate joints easily and ds1 has anaphylactic reactions so she's nervous of looking after them.
Only dh+I can currently do dd2 tests and injections but mil wouldn't even want to learn as its just "too much responsibility".

Last week when I was ill dh asked would she sit with me and 2 younger dcs so he didn't have to take time off, she refused and dh had to go into work so I had a horrible horrible day unwell and trying to not fall over holding ds2.

She even accused me of lying about dcs having mmr she said "but you told me they had it done last year-why are you lying" I pointed out it was the older dcs SECOND booster mmr and ds2 first but she was just being an idiot.

I am just ignoring her, can't be bothered to answer her calls or text back. I'm eating chocolate, ds2 has just had a bf and is asleep and lovely and cuddly and dd2 is playing with her play dough and chatting to herself and its lovely just watching her.

racingheart Wed 01-May-13 15:35:09

She sounds horrendous. Get that money back soon and distance yourself from her.

wonderingagain Wed 01-May-13 15:50:16

Blimey you do sound as though you could do with some help though. Do you get any respite care?

Probably best she doesn't look after dcs really. Could she do some housework for you perhaps?

adeucalione Wed 01-May-13 16:19:13

I just wanted to apologise for my earlier post. I was unaware that you yourself had a disability OP, or of the previous history between you and MIL.

pigletpower Wed 01-May-13 16:26:16

How would your husband feel about getting your money back through the Small Claims court? It makes me feel stabby when I read about family members not giving money back.She sounds like a fucking nightmare.Do not respond to her at all.

seriouscakeeater Wed 01-May-13 16:30:53

flowers go get a cuddle of DH and fuck MIL

ariane5 Wed 01-May-13 16:50:18

No need to apologise- I should have put in my op that dh and I also have health issues but I was so angry and trying to type out about the argument that I didn't mention it.

Mil hasn't phoned any more thank goodness.

Not sure about small claims (been there before last time mil refused to repay years ago) I almost feel like just leaving it, we need the money but I don't need the stress and she will find every way she can to avoid paying me back (always does but they can afford wedding of the century for sil).

I just can't be bothered with mil any more I don't want her near me or dcs.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Wed 01-May-13 16:51:18

YANU to be upset. sad

Oh dear, your families are really causing you a lot of distress. You need to try your hardest to distance yourselves and accept that you can't expect others to help you with your kids. (Even if it is mean of them) I understand that you need extra help, is there anyone else who can help out.
Leave all dealings with your MIL to your DH.
You and your DH have an awful lot on your plate and it is totally understandable that you are all feeling stressed.

I hope things improve.

wonderingagain Wed 01-May-13 16:58:35

Oh so there's a favourite sil. Classic narc mother family setup. Pit the kids against each other, always have a favourite that will never cross you because she knows she will get the treatment if she does. Shower her with gifts but not the others to enhance sibling jealousy so that they can retain their position as centre of the universe!

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