To stop DP going on lads holiday???

(369 Posts)
MummytobeDC2 Wed 01-May-13 12:49:01

DP and I are in our twenties, and I am 13+5 pregnant, due in November. His friends have decided to book a weeks holiday end of August, start of Sept... DP asked if I would mind him going and I said yes as il be 7months gone I have DS to previous relationship so will need the help and money etc... He got upset etc and made me feel exceptionally guilty. So me being me said he should go for a long weekend and come home before his friends, stay 3nights, that way we are both happy! His mother advised us "he should go as it will be his last" and he keeps repeating that now complaining after agreeing to the long weekend he wants to go for the week!

First of all I will be 7months, I have DS I need help with and the money would benefit the baby, flights and accommodation are costing £300 and spending money, well, at least 2weeks wages! We are far from flush!

AIBUR????

Please tell me I'm not insane? shock

Squitten Wed 01-May-13 13:26:19

Finance would be the important aspect for me. If you are skint and need the money to get stuff for the baby, then YANBU.

If, however, this is really about you being pregnant, I think that's a bit unreasonable. It's only a weekend.

flipchart Wed 01-May-13 13:27:55

The ship of 'lads holidays' has sailed. He missed the boat. Lads/girls holidays are about drinking and pulling

I wish people would get to fuck when they come out with broad sweeping statements.

In the last 22 years I have been away at least 40 times with friends for a weeks holiday to places such as Costa Del Sol, Greece, Ibiza, Menorca etc and not once have I cheated on DH or have any of my married friends. Sure I have been chatted up but funny enough I can say ' sorry mate, I'm married' Fellas then move on and try their luck somewhere else.
I have even been known to say that when I have been pissed!!!! (hmm)

I like my down time with my mates and I like going back home to my family.
Stop the spreading the bullshit that says if you go away on holiday with out your family you are a selfish cheat!

I go away approx 5 times a year.
Twice with friends
Twice with DH and kids
Once with the kids.

valiumredhead Wed 01-May-13 13:28:15

I wouldn't want dh going anywhere where he couldn't get back pretty quick actually at that stage of pregnancy for the reasons I said above.

oranotherstickybun Wed 01-May-13 13:28:56

Mummytobe2DC is probably feeling anxious? Pregnancy although natural is not easy always. Quite understandable and totally reasonable to expect help from partner in the late stages of pregnancy. Money factors are just another reason not to go.

5madthings Wed 01-May-13 13:31:42

I think it would come down to money, as LNG as you can afford it and YOU get to have an equal treat/break its find. If you can't afford it and you doing get to have a similar break then its not fair.

And it will depend on how you are feeling, you may have an easy pregnancy but you may not.

Lueji Wed 01-May-13 13:32:10

You can't stop him, of course, but you can decide whether to stay with him or not, in face of his attitude.

Would he agree to you having a week away and staying with your DS, so you can have your last girls holiday?

MummytobeDC2 Wed 01-May-13 13:39:39

Wow lots of different feed back, thank you for all. smilethanks

First of all I have NO trust issues, and feel upset to be named "pathetic" as i said in my first post we are far from flush, holiday 300 spending 700 and that isnt including new holiday clothes, insurance, etc so yes this will have a financial disturbance within the home considering we have a baby due and a DS, not to mention so close to Christmas. Also yes I do know i will "only" be 7months, that doesnt stop baby coming when it wants, or the fact that i will need all the emotional and physical help etc. I personally thought him now being a "family man" in my eyes there is no lads holiday, he is not socially deprived he goes out every Friday night without any complaint from me or every other football game. I know he is an adult and can make his own decisions... but we are a family and a team in my eyes which means he has to consider us all... No??

BlackeyedSusan Wed 01-May-13 13:41:44

depends how the pregnancy is going. by 7 months I was hving physio nd generally unable to walk far, if you hve bad spd then you are almost incapcitated. some people are still puking at 7 months.

MummytobeDC2 Wed 01-May-13 13:43:22

May I add I would never be given 1500 and told to take a week off from family life. That is a guarantee.

Callisto Wed 01-May-13 13:45:15

Pathetic was harsh, apologies. He does sound like he needs to do some growing up. How willing is he going to be to drop the Friday nights and football matches when the baby is here?

jellybeans Wed 01-May-13 13:47:15

'Lads and girlie holidays are for single people'

YANBU and I totally agree with the above. I think he would be selfish to go. It should be about family holidays now. Not lads/girls holidays unless you both want that sort of thing.

bbface Wed 01-May-13 13:48:29

Seven months pregnant?? Bloody hell, I was running around like a blue arsed fly at the point. Unless you are suffering from some kind of ailment, then yabu

LaQueen Wed 01-May-13 13:48:37

So long as you are healthy, in your pregnancy I really don't see why he shouldn't go?

I really don't get this whole letting a grown adult do something, to be honest? Or trying to put lots of limitations/rules/regulations onto what they want to do - which effectively spoils much of the pleasure.

There's time for your DP to save up. You can plan a few things to do yourself, maybe?

In your shoes, I'd be gracious about it, wave your DP off with a smile - but makes sure you get a commitment from him, that you can enjoy a break, too, sometime in the future.

diddl Wed 01-May-13 13:50:12

If it's affordable I would say OK.

Although even if affordable I think I would prefer the compromise of less time away.

Why wouldn't you ever be able to do it?-is that the main reason that you don't want him to?

LaQueen Wed 01-May-13 13:55:51

DH has gone away for a 4-5 day golf break, every year since before the DDs were born.

6 blokes, all best friends since school... I'm fairly sure they're actually playing golf, and not trying their level best to pull other women hmm

DH enjoys his break, and I enjoy my break from him , I meet up with friends, do my own thing, eat what I want, watch what I want...and, my DDs were born only 53 weeks apart, so in the first few years I had two babies on my hands, while he was away.

DontmindifIdo Wed 01-May-13 13:59:10

so you can't afford it and he wouldn't be happy for you to do the same? Then no brainer, you can't afford it, you can't afford it. If he wants to go, he has to work out where the money's coming from that doesn't involve you going without, and has to garentee you'd get a week of the year later if you want to go away with your friends. That would be a fair compromise.

But they you being 7 months pregnant bit, seems a rubbish reason (assuming your older DC didn't come early).

valiumredhead Wed 01-May-13 14:00:08

Seven months pregnant?? Bloody hell, I was running around like a blue arsed fly at the point

Good for you, plenty of women find things tough going.

Samu2 Wed 01-May-13 14:02:11

I am on the Lads and Ladies weekends away are for single people bench.

YANBU.

CherylTrole Wed 01-May-13 14:02:12

Well OP you said that you would never be given £1500 and a week to yourself, so that says it all really. No point in being "the cool wife" if you get nothing in return is there? But each to their own.
If you could have the same girlie week off then that would be great, but if there is no hope of that then you have to question your whole relationship. Perhaps he is one of these men who will always be going out with the lads, even when hes 60 confused

seriouscakeeater Wed 01-May-13 14:04:24

YANBU op I totally understand where your comming from . I'm 39 weeks and my dp declined a lads holiday and business trip to India. (6 months and 8 months) how would he feel if he was stuck on another island and you were in difficulty. I

He is however going las vagas next year and I'm going Portugal for a girls/mummy's break for the weekend too. At this point I'm sure he can stay in the country and make you and up and coming baby his priority. Instead of wasting precious money on a lads holiday.

Ignore MIL she will all ways side with dp, let him go it will be his last?? Why will it be his last?

I would just say I'd prefer it if you didn't, we can't afford it we need a,b,c....I'm sure there will be plenty of trips her can go on. He is being selfish.

flowers good luck

MummytobeDC2 Wed 01-May-13 14:04:53

Wow can you please read my other comments before passing huge judgment, I appreciate that it is a discussion and I thank you all for your in put but being rude and suggesting I am controlling, mistrusting, or being paranoid is out of order, I have explained we can't exactly afford 1500 before baby and Xmas, I would not be given 1500 and told to take a week off and 7months is fairly far into a pregnancy, pregnancy and children come with responsibility.

I ACTUALLY COMPROMISED AND SAID A LONG-WEEKEND not, not at all - so I'm not stopping him from going, he asked me I didn't just tell him. sad

5madthings Wed 01-May-13 14:06:00

I think given you cant afford it and you wouldn't get an equivalent break yanbu.

And you have offered a compromise.

CloudsAndTrees Wed 01-May-13 14:07:37

YABU.

Viviennemary Wed 01-May-13 14:11:54

I don't see the point of saying OK to three days but not a week. I don't think it's very reasonable of him going away at this time. I agree with the person who said that the ship of lads holidays should have sailed and he shouldn't be on it!

daftdame Wed 01-May-13 14:14:14

OP you are not being unreasonable at all! I would have been exactly the same in your position.

Couples have all sorts of different relationships there aren't any hard and fast rules about this sort of thing. He should take your feelings into consideration at least.

It can be a bit of a transition for people who haven't had family responsibilities before to have to consider other's needs / share finances etc, so you may have to be patient with your DP. However you are not being unreasonable or insane!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now