For being scared of my dad still?

(3 Posts)
shellandkai Tue 30-Apr-13 21:08:54

I'm 26 with a 2 year old child and pregnant with my 2nd I have been with my partner 4 years and I'm sure he feels annoyed about it, every year my dad disowns me and has done since I was 15 mostly for stupid reasons like I apparently only use him for lifts to his house over 14 miles away, because I didn't go to my granddad funeral (although he phoned me to go to the chapel of rest and I said no to that but to let me know when the funeral was he agreed he would but never did) and for people that have lied and tried causing trouble between us etc etc. normally when he disowns me he says evil things like using the words, "if I die don't come to my funeral"," your sister is more of a daughter to me than you will ever be" (my half sister has a different dad) and more recently, "it's a shame there is a child involved, well I don't really need him anyway I have 2 granddaughters" (his wife's daughters 2 little girls who aren't even his own blood). Everytime he does it I just sit back and listen to him cussing me putting me down etc and every time he decides it's one of his other children's turn instead he comes walking back into my life, and here I am just letting him, letting him, and letting him come and cuss the way I bring up my son, that all I ever do is talk about my son (sorry but if he sat and actually listened he would realise I have more to say but I can't get a word in edge ways as he's too busy talking about his brothers son how well he's doing, how nice his house is, how he's just got a beautiful new car etc etc etc). I'm so mad because he's phoned me 5 times in the past 30 minutes I know he's going to disown me again and for some reason I'm avoiding his call I'm scared stiff to talk to him but why?????

I think you should read the book Toxic parents and come and join the Stately Homes thread on here.

My Dad is very similar to that and I no longer see him. Best decision I ever made.

quoteunquote Tue 30-Apr-13 22:59:37

What a bully,

stop dancing to his tune, and see him when you want to,

I find I only want to speak to people when they are nice, kind and don't treat me badly.

decide how you want to be treated,(I suggest you have very high standards),
and if anyone treats you below the standard you set,

Have absolutely nothing to do with them until you have seen a complete change in their attitude, true remorse and understanding as to the error of their way,and let them work that all out for themselves, they will if they want to,

They must then wait until you feel you would like to have contact, because only then will they have demonstrated that they have any respect for you.

If you want him to respect you, you have to refuse to allow him to disrespect you,

he may never do so, he may cut off his nose to spite his face, rather than change, you have to grieve for the relationship you should have, and walk away,

One day you may build a new one, a good one, but it has to be built on respect, or you will be propping it up forever, and eventually you will collapse under the strain.

You have to show your children what is an acceptable way to be treated, if one of your children was been treated by a boyfriend,the way you are being treated by your father, you would want them out of the relationship, so get out.

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