Bit of a slagging match at toddlers today Aibu?

(84 Posts)
D0GWithAYoni Tue 30-Apr-13 19:23:52

I actually posted about this group of people a while back when they pushed my ds over. This time it was a different mum, same group. They all come to this (what used to be a lovely toddler group) together. They are all quite young, but very childish young iyswim (I am/ was teen parent) so not judging on age simply behaviour.

My dc had the push along buggy but was at the front of it rearranging doll, child comes along tried to push away from the front, my ds then tried to pull it back and did so, other child starts screaming this awful high pitched scream. I knew ds wasn't in the wrong but asked him to share and let other child take it which he did with minimum fuss. The other child then sat in the corner with it for over ten mins refusing to move with it. He eventually let's go and my ds went and went to take it, other child kicks off and screams and the parents say something to my ds who then stands there face covered which generally means he's been told off.

I walked up to my ds "baby dog, what's the matter?" they instantly jump in with, he snatched it off oc" I know he didn't, pick him up big cuddle "it's ok baby dog some children aren't very good at sharing" to which mother kicks off "don't pick on him he's only 2" so I reply so is my ds and at two they need to be taught to share. The mother comes back with, I was feeding (quite old baby, 10 ish months) a bottle I can't do anything" well actually I've been there done that 4 dc 5 and under and had to breast feed whilst following smacksytoddler around, she could have passed to someone else to give a bottle. She then goes on about my ds hit hers about 7 months ago. Blah blah blah I then ignored and mutated rude words under breath and she then went and cried at toddler group leaver who had spoken to other leader who saw whole thing and said I'd done nothing wrong. They then spent the rest of the hour glaring at me and whispering about me.

I'm even embarrsed typing this it's all so juvenile sounding but I'm not bu am I?!

D0GWithAYoni Tue 30-Apr-13 19:48:45

Neo, I don't think I'm better than them.

D0GWithAYoni Tue 30-Apr-13 19:51:00

See crapbag I just couldn't bear the screaming not crying but screaming like something terrible was about to happen, I wouldn't normally have forced ds but, my ears.

Mum sat for entire time with child on her lap, not moving, I actually felt sorry for her ds who cleary wanted some attention.

SarahAndFuck Tue 30-Apr-13 20:02:53

Can you at least speak to the people who run the group about the way you feel, rather than just disappear.

I don't mean you should ask them to intervene or ban the other families etc, but just give them a bit of feedback as you see it.

D0GWithAYoni Tue 30-Apr-13 20:06:38

Sarah I already did because group leader spoke to th girl who turned in water works, she told her she would talk to me, spoke to me said she knew I was in the right but could I maybe speak to other girl. I said no, I wasn't in the wrong and wasn't going to act as if I'd been told off the apologise iyswim. I'm not going to stop going, I've been going for almost 3 years and won't allow this group to push us out iyswim

D0GWithAYoni Tue 30-Apr-13 20:07:14

Group leader has actually become a good friend of mine too.

CrapBag Tue 30-Apr-13 20:10:45

Yeah that must have been tough. The mother clearly knew something was up and chose to do nothing about it though, she must have heard her child screaming.

I admit though, when I think I am right, nothing will sway me and I still wouldn't give in to a screaming child, but I can see why you did.

Oh and the crying to group leader? Please!!! This girl needs to get a fucking grip! Good on you for not going and talking to her.

MiaowTheCat Tue 30-Apr-13 20:16:36

You don't half sound all the way through your post like you think you're far far better than them. So until proven otherwise I'm considering it was probably six of one and half a dozen of the other.

Couple of nice digs how she's bottle feeding so obviously that's utterly interruptable and she can chuck that child on anyone as well.

D0GWithAYoni Tue 30-Apr-13 20:22:25

No Miaow I'm not digging about method of feeding but the way she thinks because she is feeding (not a tiny baby btw) that she doesn't have to parent her other child. It's not like that when you have two.

needaholidaynow Tue 30-Apr-13 20:24:03

I go to a toddler group once a week and I absolutely dread this sort of thing happening. I do wonder if the wrong person is going to walk through the door, their child and my child have a bit of a squabble as toddlers tend to do, and then all hell will break loose on their part.

I tend to keep myself to myself at the group, and actively encourage my child to share and be nice to the other children there. I only go for child's benefit, not to make friends.

MiaowTheCat Tue 30-Apr-13 20:31:26

I fucking well have two. One a refluxy bottle fed child, the other a crawler that a very nasty clique have decided they want nowhere near the corner of the room that they've declared is theirs - I can't exactly throw my refluxy child at someone random to carry on feeding when that's likely to set off the puke cannon, and the looks of utter hatred when my eldest goes near the corner that the big clique don't want her in and I've got both hands tied feeding the younger one... is the reason the clique got what they wanted and I don't go to groups anymore.

So don't lecture me on how it works with two. You sound incredibly judgemental and rather smug.

I still think you're both as bad as each other - you think they're some kind of chavvy group of yobs from the way that you describe them, and they didn't immediately jump to sort a situation that made you unhappy.

Perhaps dear Mr Kyle can sort this all out for you... actually that could be a new sideline for him - sorting out kerfuffles at soft play and playgroups... "Who took the big red car - lie detector results"

crashdoll Tue 30-Apr-13 20:33:52

Meh, I think you were both as bad as each other. But leave the group if it's not for you, life's too short.

tiredemma Tue 30-Apr-13 20:36:30

I avoided all these types of clubs.

I have two perfectly sound and normal boys.

D0GWithAYoni Tue 30-Apr-13 20:43:59

No miaow, I'm not smug. My dc have all been awful at one stage or another. I readily accept that, but when they're awful I watch them and when they behave badly I discipline them/ step in.

Dc 4 was also a very refluxy baby, it's not easy, actually more than that its hell.I have a huge amount of sympathy for you but I do think you're projecting. This group is not like that. She simply allows her child to rampage whilst she does piss all. That's not on. It's not.

greenformica Tue 30-Apr-13 20:51:46

I go to a great toddler group but yours sounds awful. Can you find a nicer one?

D0GWithAYoni Tue 30-Apr-13 20:54:45

Green it really isn't, it's lovely, they do fab snack, a different craft activity each week, are lovely ladies and I'm in charge of the singing. I love it, it's just these new group, four mums I'd say who are awful. Tbf I think group leader is at a loss of what to do.

diddl Tue 30-Apr-13 20:56:27

"Slagging match"??

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 30-Apr-13 21:06:14

Dog I didn't mean that in a bad way....just that you obviously know better...practice that as a way of life. Don't go there.

MrsBucketxx Tue 30-Apr-13 21:08:42

as I always say ignore ignore ignore,

keep going but dont engage at all, I think you where both a bit U tbh, having two is tough especially when one doesn't share well like my ds, and you have to deal with the other.

distraction was the tactic you should have used with your ds, and dont say anything else.

I think I'd have done the same DOG and yes Miaow is projecting a little.

Slightly passive aggressive to say "it's ok baby dog some children aren't very good at sharing" but I know for a fact I'd have done the same.

It's teaandcakeplease here btw grin

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Tue 30-Apr-13 22:20:28

Yanbu, but I always go along the ignore route too. I try not to get involved over squabbles over toys (unless they actually become violent!).

CrapBag Tue 30-Apr-13 22:32:57

Dog I know where you are coming from. There is a mum at the group I have stopped going to that lets her child run riot. Its always always the same child that hurts one of the others. She is never watching and never intervenes unless another mum specifically goes and tells her. If she does see something, she tells her DD they will leave and never do.

I got fed up one day when this child (much older than my DD) pushed my DD off the steps to the slide. I was watching anyway and quickly ran over but I told off this child for pushing (DD did bang her head hard and it was off the top step to the slide) then the mum finally came over and I told her that her DD pushed mine off the steps, she told her off, made an empty threat and sat down again. Same as when my friend had to inform her that her DD was throwing wooden bricks in her DDs face. So no OP, I don't think you sound smug or anything else like that, it does sound like this mum is like others I have met at these groups. And it is a shame as mine was a really nice group but it is changing.

valiumredhead Tue 30-Apr-13 22:41:06

I think people forget the whole point of toddler groups...

D0GWithAYoni Tue 30-Apr-13 23:04:37

The point being Valium?

valiumredhead Tue 30-Apr-13 23:05:34

That kids need to learn how to socialise and clearly some adults do too!

CautionaryWhale Wed 01-May-13 00:05:45

YANBU nor do you sound smug or particularly judgy confused
Go to your group, do your singing and the four giving you the evils whilst letting their kids run amok can deal with the consequences of their kids being meltdown divas - two is plenty old enough to learn about turn-taking.

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