Not say nothing for ages about whatever particular wrong I'm supposed to have done this time, then stack it up to attack me, screaming and shouting, insisting that what you feel about things and how you view them is all that counts, and I should be putting her feelings right, in the manner she feels is right?
Ignore all placatory no blame olive branches, go from screaming to sobbing, then rubbish any possibility of feelings of hurt I might have over being accused of being nasty, be mortally offended and wounded when I finally am nasty and say (calmly) this is being a drama queen, (first time I've actually said it or anything like it)
Then when presented with why all this isn't great, and how both of us feel might be reason to end the friendship, (this is always seen as blackmail by me) get told I "know perfectly well that's not her solution."
I know what the hint is, but clarification results in I 'know she wants to kill herself and that's her solution to me not 'conceding' I'm jeering (I've said if I am, I'm really sorry, but the 'if' is unacceptable) and saying I don't want to be constantly accused of things, then told they can't be discussed as she's now so upset.
I'm upset at being left as the cause of it all, but that seems not to matter.
I'm expected to keep calling as though these things haven't happened and be more careful.
I've asked her why she thinks I should want to continue the friendship when I'm so bad at it.
I'm know I'm not a great friend in that I'm not great with all the validation, ten tons of sympathy for everything stuff, but I do put up with lots, give time, listen a lot, tell her she's a worthwhile person, try and be there, excuse shit thrown at me, and am forgiving in nature.
I know it's not enough in itself and I'm a crap friend in that I'm ill matched to meet her needs, but it's all I really know how to offer, and I've spelt that out.
I'm expected to call daily and this sort of thing happens quite often. She tells me I sound exhausted and unwell. (I am) Most of the time I steer her away before she rips into me, and a lot of the time the screaming centres around me not agreeing with how she sees situations around her and how that makes her feel, rather than direct attacks.
But it seems so often these things are engineered so she has an excuse to shout, scream cry and blame. I know she's not ok, her 'feelings' are huge and out of control, and I suspect she may have BPD, but my life's actually a complete mess and I don't even bother to tell her more than those eight words because it will only make it worse and I don't know if I can cope.
The more difficulties I'm in the more desperate she's likely to be.
I'm too scared to dump her and don't want to hurt her, (everyone else has) but AIBU to say if I cause her to be that unhappy, and she thinks I'm nasty to her, or manipulating her, she should be wanting to dump me?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
If I’m a” sneering” and “ jeering” ‘friend’ you should want shot of me even if you don’t have other friends. (sorry, long)
31 replies
Jamillalliamilli · 30/04/2013 17:04
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.