I think I am a bit, but DIY...

(36 Posts)

...we had an extension built last year. All work finished on time and to good standard. Dh, who is good at this sort if thing, is doing all the decorating, tiling, plumbing in, etc. It will save us a fortune and he is a perfectionist, so it gets done to his exacting standards.

Therein lies my problem; dh's perfectionist streak is adding, IMO, months onto the project. Everything he does looks great, but it's been 8 months since the builders left, no one has moved into their new rooms, dh gave me and everyone an unrealistic end date for the project (4 months have passed since his predicted end date and we are nowhere near completion) and I am fed up with people asking, 'Is it all done yet?' The entire house looks a tip, half of the dc's stuff is stashed away and Ds has no space to call his own.

AIBU to be close to eye-rolling and despair at the lack of progress? Dh is doing it all in his spare time and working very hard...I just wish he'd bloody hurry up, not re-do things the builders had done already, not buy furniture and then decide he can't put it together because he doesn't like it and when I suggest solutions say, 'I don't know,' and leave the furniture parts propped up.

You would be within reason to suggest I help him, if it's bugging me so much. I have offered and been turned down.

I know it's a first-world problem, I know it'll get done eventually, but I am bit fed up at the moment.

Lilypad, I like your style.

Squinkies, that made me laugh out loud.

I shall get on with some of my stuff. Unfortunately it will all get covered in dh's constant cloud of dust, but it might prompt him to hurry up if I start piling up my acquisitions.

Even Ds is nagging him now. Funny, because I don't. Ds has not got this from me, he is simply fed up in his own right. With good reason: the child hadn't been able to access most of his toys for almost a year. Also he is a neat freak and has to share his sister's bedroom. She is explosively untidy.

Lilypad34 Fri 03-May-13 06:15:48

I got really fed up of dhs procrastination so I took a tin of paint and I did a really half arsed job on one wall, dh returned home from work was horrified and rectified my awful attempt! I then waited until he'd gone to work and had new floors put down. Our home is a million times better and everyone is happy. grin

Kiwiinkits Fri 03-May-13 02:29:15

Gosh there's a lot on that list that you can do, isn't there!? How exciting wink
I'm thinking roller blinds, wardrobe, carpet, mattress, wall cabinet. Easy stuff. That don't need to involve him. No get thee to IKEA!

Oh god the list is endless, he must be overwhelmed.
Kill him and hire someone with the insurance money. grin

NoSquirrels, the other rooms are our two actual bedrooms. I'm doing my best to keep them unaffected until dh starts redecorating them.

I said today I was going to order carpet, so hopefully that will move things along. I do not have an official snagging list, but as a guess I give you:

Shower room
Fit shower to pipes
Fit shower cabinet
Fix toilet and sink fittings to pipes
Assemble cabinets
Fit cabinets
Buy roller blind
Fit roller blind
Fit towel rail
Buy wall cabinet
Assemble wall cabinet
Hang wall cabinet
Fix door, which builders knackered and which dh thinks he can fix
Fit door
Fit door handles
Switch on underfloor heating (may be some connecting required here)
Remove tonnage of crap from bedroom

Bedroom
Buy correct IKEA wardrobe
Assemble IKEA wardrobe
Choose carpet
Order carpet
Get carpet fitted (by professionals, praise be!)
Dismantle bed
Cart bed upstairs
Reassemble bed
Buy new mattress, from somewhere that will collect old mattress.
Empty drawer units
Disassemble drawer units
Cart drawer units upstairs
Reassemble drawer units
Make possible 2nd excursion to IKEA and all that this entails.
Install selves in bedroom!

Then we start on dd's room, then Ds', then finish their bathroom (mainly cosmetic stuff), then hall landing and stairs, including prepping and painting a lot of woodwork. Then the study (dh's room - he can take as long as he likes, if he's tidy!) Finally there are all the 'make good the tatty bits elsewhere' jobs.

Remind me not to suggest any more home improvements!

andubelievedthat Wed 01-May-13 22:50:31

you"ve got my x-fella! "I am going to completely revamp the bathroom darling ,(he said) sunken bath ,lowered ceilings install shower ,ext. fan etc, you pop of to your mum"s for the weekend as the toilet pan ,along with all else is being re sited ,so I did ,ha, 18 months later !agreed it was a superb job he did ,like every job he did was the best ,7 years in that flat 7 years of him improving it ,he even landscaped the back garden(massive ) sorted the entire roof and downpipes,and painted all the stairway ! the unstoppable diy x !

NoSquirrels Wed 01-May-13 22:01:51

Surely you have other unfinished rooms that can used as the 'workroom' for the shower room? (That's a lot of rooms in one sentence, there.)

I'm sure they'll be less convenient, but they'll be fine to use, won't they? WON'T THEY?

i would be issuing ultimatums, along with the snagging list. "DH, the shower room must be completed by X date, or I will be ordering the carpet anyway."

And yes, living in a state of disarray for the majority of a year is hideous, so YANBU.

OP I feel your pain. My OH never seems to finish a job off and he's not even a perfectionist just very optimistic and over confident with both his abilities and how long things take.

When I got pregnant he decided we needed to convert the loft, I begged, pleaded and cried for him not to do it but he kept telling me how it would be a piece of piss and would be done on time. I'm 31 weeks. The house is a building site, it is not even nearly done, there is no way any of it will be ready before the baby. Nor is the garden useable even though he started that project two years ago, the kitchen tiles he put up 10 months ago aren't finished...you get the picture.

All I wanted to do was give a couple of rooms a lick of paint before the baby arrived! Would dearly love to kill him and bury him under the patio slabs...which still haven't been pointed even though after me nagging he got a man in to lay them TWO years ago then said he would just finish them off himself...

Right, I will get snagging!

quoteunquote Wed 01-May-13 12:17:44

snagging list - a list of every single individual job (however big or small) in each space to be done,

You should have one on the go all the time during a job, it really helps make the work far more efficient.

You need a snagging list in order to write up your order of works, or you will be totally inefficient.

freddiefrog Tue 30-Apr-13 22:04:52

YANBU

I am the daughter of an engineer. Perfectionist doesn't quite cover it, it takes weeks of planning to put a shelf up. There's no point getting a man in as it won't be good enough

My mum got fed up after 8 years of waiting for the coving in their kitchen to be put up, she got a man in, it wasn't good enough so my dad took it down again. 2 years later she's given up on coving

I'm good at the tea, snacks, home-cooked meals and homemade cakes thing. Now we are in my area of expertise. grin

I will see if I can come up with a snagging list. (This is a 'to do' list, yeah?)

Speaking of snagging, there's a snag with me ordering carpet because it has to fit around the wardrobe...which dh doesn't like. Also he insists upon using what would be our carpeted bedroom as his workshop for everything shower room related.

AIBU for wanting to kill him just a little bit?

Years ago, back in the days of me working f/t, I got a bonus and spent on professionals to fit our fireplace. Dh wanted to do it himself. I wanted a fireplace. I booked the fitters for when he was out. Fireplace still looks lovely, 11 years later. Sadly, those days are gone (p/t work and low wages) but thinking about it makes me realise that I could just get on with stuff. Today I've been decluttering, to make the mythical move more efficient and speedy.

Alwayscheerful Tue 30-Apr-13 18:27:49

You are extremely lucky, keep making him cups of tea and snacks, tell him you love him and how clever he is and do order the carpet, get in the room and do all the cleaning, any fetching and carrying you can, any DIY shopping he needs but get one room finished for now then move on to the next one.

quoteunquote Tue 30-Apr-13 18:23:36

Do a room by room snagging list, or you will never be able to tackle it efficiently.

if you do one, share it, and we can give you some input.

If you give us a list of tasks, I can give you idea how long it would take, and how much it would cost if you got someone into do them.

Cheeks4970 Tue 30-Apr-13 18:17:47

For us it's never a matter of 'hiring a man for a week' - this is why my DP decided he would do everything because he finds it super stressful having idiots in to do the work that he can do and then you have to pay them for doing sub-standard work.

Honestly, we have had terrible experiences with people just incapable of doing a decent job and it's not because the people we have used were cheap either.

My DP works freelance so can never 'just take a week off' - if he gets offered a job, he has to take it and then he spends a lot of his other spare time finding work. It's never-ending!

greenformica Tue 30-Apr-13 17:43:19

Go through the house and draw up a list. Employ a man for a week and get DH to take a week off work to finish.

we have a rule...

ONE ROOM AT A TIME

grin

Cheeks4970 Tue 30-Apr-13 17:22:10

Georgian, I feel your pain. I have a DP just like yours. It's great that he is a perfectionist and good at DIY but exhausting and stressful for me, a person who wants to 'just get things done'. I really empathise with you. We live in a 2 bed flat (with 2 kids) and it has been a 'work in progress' the whole time we have lived here (6+ years!).

We have pieces of wood stacked here and there (that I try to move and hide and put outside!), doors leaning against walls, paint chipped off cornicing etc. We have so many bits and pieces that I fear will never get done. I am always keen to paint and do as much as I can but I cannot do DIY and have even contemplated doing a course so that I can! I painted a room when I was six months pregnant because I couldn't stand it any longer. I am now planning to paint it all again soon because I can't bear looking at it.

I will just never understand that my DP doesn't want our home to be as good as we can make - we have limited funds but we both have the skills to get enough done to make it great, JUST FOR US.

Good luck x

quoteunquote Tue 30-Apr-13 15:55:43

Show us your snagging list. smile

EuroShaggleton Tue 30-Apr-13 15:00:56

I feel your pain, OP. My parents moved into a series of "projects" during my childhood and did them up themselves. They climbed the property ladder nicely, but I did feel like I was living in a building site for much of my childhood!

WilsonFrickett Tue 30-Apr-13 14:55:44

Nope. Order the carpet. Get into a room!

Unfortunately, no. I have suggested I paint walls, take down shelves, etc. but he won't entertain the idea. I'm not even permitted to clean grout dust off newly tiled tiles. I like the idea of just doing it anyway. grin

The bedroom is ready to move in, once we've ordered carpet, except that he wants to use it for his workshop while he does the shower room, so we can't move in. Or order carpet.

Last year I took the DC on holiday so he could get on with it. There's only so many times I can do that and he felt he'd missed out.

I know I'm rejecting all your solutions, but they are good suggestions, so do keep them coming. I think it's just that it's been going on for so long that we've tried them already and, in the words of Edna Mode, 'yet here we are.'

I used to have a dream of buying a ramshackle cottage and doing it up. Not any more, I don't! Ha ha!

GetWhatYouNeed Tue 30-Apr-13 14:27:55

I understand your frustration but I also understand where your husband is coming from as I'm a DIY perfectionist (strange as in many other areas of my life I'm not). It takes me AGES to finish things eg months or years and sometimes this is because the feeling of having to do things to my standards is overwhelming, but the feeling of letting anyone else do it is even worse. I can't stand getting tradesmen in unless absolutely necessary eg electrics and plumbing as I know I can always do a better job than them although it takes me 20 times longer.

You say he has refused your offers of help, is this because he thinks you won't do the work to his standards? If so, would he agree to you doing some stuff where perfectionism isn't absolutely required eg painting the main parts of flat walls and not edges or woodwork? I'm thinking if that was me I could just about deal with other people doing those sorts of things.

I think you might have to grit your teeth and keep telling yourself it will be amazing when it's done!

Tingalingle Tue 30-Apr-13 14:26:03

God, yes, nothing like me picking up the drill myself and having a bash to terrify DH into finding time for things after all...

(Disclaimer: I can use a drill. Most things stay up. And they look straight enough to keep me happy. Anything more than that is his problem.)

WilsonFrickett Tue 30-Apr-13 14:23:04

Deal with the furniture yourself.
Pick one room and get it done, no faffing about doing a bit of tiling here and a bit of plastering there. Focus on one room only.

And give me back my husband grin

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