Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

to be annoyed at MIL pronouncing DD's name incorrectly

(89 Posts)
myhousewillneverbetidy Mon 29-Apr-13 13:29:25

We don't see in laws that often, maybe 2/3 times a month and haven't always had the best relationship with them (in fact they stopped speaking to us for several months and we still don't really know why )

Anyway the last time we saw them MIL kept pronouncing dd name incorrectly. DDs name does have 2 ways of pronunciation but she is 2 so would expect grandparents to be able to remember by now!!

I didn't say anything as we have such a fragile relationship with them and they would see it as me picking fault with them. I quietly seethed through the whole visit though

AIBU?

Esmay is horrible and totally affected.

It's Esmeeeeeeee! Unless you are accenting it of course, but why woudl you do that when it is a contraction of Esmerelda?!

Oh, YANBU.

LeChatRouge Mon 29-Apr-13 15:31:42

My friend is Esme, she is 39. She s happy with either pronunciation, doesn't mind how people say it.

Another friend is Naomi and gets FED UP when people say NIGH o mi. She says she's got enough vowels as it is, why do people add an extra i? It's phonetic - Nay o me.

notso Mon 29-Apr-13 15:35:23

Ds1's name gets mispronounced so much I wonder if I am the one mispronouncing it confused
I think he will end up being known as his nn.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 29-Apr-13 15:49:28

Just a suggestion.

If people think it will be a problem either pronouncing or spelling a particular name, why not choose another. grin

Saying that it would annoy me if anyone spelt one of my dcs names wrong. Unlikely though as they are all very traditional only one way to spell

SnookyPooky Greece Mon 29-Apr-13 16:09:02

Both my grandad and grandma called me Anne, that is my middle name. They didn't like my first name and refused to use it because it is 'foreign'.

cricketballs Mon 29-Apr-13 16:46:07

is it due to their accent that they don't pronounce it the same as you? It may not be anything other than something as simple as they have friends etc with DD's name and it is pronounced differently and they are so used to this that they struggle to break the habit

Not everything in life has to be 'passive aggressive' Blingloving

fluffyraggies England Mon 29-Apr-13 17:00:58

Really wanting to know the names in question in all the posts grin

A girl in the class i used to work with was named Niamh (pronounced 'neeve'). She was 7 and her classmates all pronounced her name fine.

A parent who would come in to help with reading would, without fail, despite being corrected 100 times, call the poor child 'niammer' to rhyme with hammer confused She'd call it out across the class room when it was the girl's turn to read.

The woman said she couldn't get used to it and it was spelt wrong.
Even the 7 year olds were hmm about her constant refusal to get it right!

I wanted to tell the girl to ignore the woman unless she said her name right, but the teacher wouldn't let me, sadly.

5Foot5 Mon 29-Apr-13 17:08:57

I had an aunt who was a bit of a snob and a definite "know-it-all". She would regularly use the wrong name for me. Basically there is a similar version of my name which ends in an -a sound (think Diane/Diana - though it is neither of those). She seemed to think the -a version was "posher" so always used that version when referring to me and on birthday cards etc. But it wasn't my name Grrr!

However, we all knew she was a complete loon and it was no point trying to change her mind on anything so basically we just gave up and ignored it. It's not as if we saw her that often or had much to do with her so it could be fairly easily ignored.

In your shoes I would have to correct them or challenge them. That might be best - just ask, politely, why it is they keep calling him by an incorrect name? It might wrong foot them.

If not then I agree with teaching DD when she gets older to either correct them or simply ignore them when they give her the wrong name

ZolaBuddleia Mon 29-Apr-13 17:17:38

I'm always baffled on these threads as to why people who are normally fully able to communicate cannot repeat a word they have heard and then remember how to spell something they have seen written down. It's not difficult. They'd be struck off my list as too thick difficult to maintain contact with.

WittyMonica Mon 29-Apr-13 17:19:21

I have the same with MIL and our granddaughter. DGD has a quite unusual name, 'Alysia' which is pronounced a-liss-e-a. Her parents spelled it that way to avoid pronounciation confusion with the spelling 'Alicia' which sometimes is pronounced as above and sometimes as a-lee-sha. MIL has never to my knowledge got her name right and it is maddening. First she called her 'Alesha' including telling other relatives that was her name. DH gently corrected her every time and she would always laugh and say 'oh, silly me!'. We call our DGD Lissy for short, which we thought would be easier for MIL to remember, but sadly it was not to be and she insisted on calling her 'Leesy'. hmmThen she started to get nervous about using her name as she admitted she couldn't remember how to pronounce it, and on one memorable occasion called her 'Leesy...Lucy...Leeshy...Lisa'. Nowadays she usually calls her 'the little 'un'. She also spells her name wrong on cards, which DGD very satisfyingly pointed out to her last time she did it. DGD has also turned to us during a rare MIL visit and asked, 'Why is she calling me Leesy?' which was funny but also quite sad, her great grandmother should remember her name. MIL is not that old by the way, she's in her 60s.

Why she doesn't write it down somewhere phonetically I don't understand, and can only put it down to her not caring. She is unbothered about DGD and our DS's in general anyway.

KitchenandJumble Mon 29-Apr-13 17:45:26

Just correct her politely. I think some people just don't pay much attention to names. Obviously, they should make an effort to learn names, especially of close relatives! But if your MIL has repeated the name with the wrong pronuncation many times, it may have become fixed in her mind that way and may take time to relearn.

My name happens to have several pronunciations, so I don't bother to correct people if they pronounce it differently from the way I do. However, my name also happens to be very close (one letter difference) from a completely different name. I do correct people if they call me that since it isn't my name and certainly isn't an alternative pronunciation.

cricketballs Mon 29-Apr-13 17:48:48

Zola - there are many, many educated people who can not say a word no matter how hard they try it does not mean they are thick or difficult.

I for instance can not say the word "specific" first time around, no matter how hard I think about it if I need to say it, I just can't do it! by the way I have numerous qualifications including a degree so don't class myself as thick

ZolaBuddleia Mon 29-Apr-13 18:04:37

But this is someone's name! I don't get why they don't just learn it.

Unless the child is called Specific wink.

greenfolder Mon 29-Apr-13 18:16:36

my grandmother mis-pronouned my name of 4 letters from birth until she died when i was 39. i would just view it as one of those things.

tropicalfish Mon 29-Apr-13 20:24:03

my mum spells my dd's name wrong on her birthday card. My dd is outraged. It doesnt help their relationship perhaps you could suggest that it is better for their relationship.

sunlightonthegrass Mon 29-Apr-13 20:46:13

My name is a variant of a much more common one. Written down there is only one letter difference so I understand people getting it wrong when they just see it in print.

But I don't understand when I say clearly and politely what my name is, people then saying a completely different name, and it shouldn't bother me but to be honest after 33 years - it does!

Jengnr Mon 29-Apr-13 20:49:15

It annoys the tits off me when people read my name and decide to call me Jenny. I'm not fucking Jenny and I never have been. Jennifer or Jen. Just fucking pick one. Grrrr!

Bearmonkeysmum Mon 29-Apr-13 20:52:05

We have the same thing with ds, his name is welsh but there are English & Scottish versions too. His name has a clear a sound to it but because other versions are uh both Mil & stepmum say it incorrectly. This is despite many corrections & me & oh very clearly saying his name in their presence. He's now at the age where he recognises the sound of his name but not when incorrectly pronounced & Mil makes a massive thing about him not responding when she calls him!

TidyDancer England Mon 29-Apr-13 21:01:47

My sister has had this all her life. There are two (or three or four, if you're being ridiculous) pronunciations of her name, she has the classic and nice one. She's battled the odd freak who just won't say it right since she was a baby.

OP, the only excuse for someone knowingly doing this is if they were gently trying to tell you that you'd got the name massively wrong and they were actually doing you a favour. But even then I'd think they would just TELL you.

(Really wanting to know what the name is!)

GrendelsMum Mon 29-Apr-13 21:17:10

I have to admit DH and I struggle to spell DN's name - I've only ever known one person with the name before, and either she spelt it differently or I just got the wrong end of the stick then. I'm not entirely sure we're pronouncing it right, either...

2rebecca Germany Mon 29-Apr-13 22:35:20

If there are 2 ways of pronouncing her name and you choose one way and the inlaws another surely both are correct or there would be only one way of pronouncing her name. If you're fussy about pronunciations then go for a name with only 1 way like Helen, Susan or Anne.

Andro Mon 29-Apr-13 23:15:38

I really think you should correct it, I hate it when people put the wrong vowel at the end of my name (it's fairly unusual and is another e/a ending name in the Diane/Diana genre). Worse still is when people take it upon themselves to chop it in half...annoying to say the least!

BlackeyedSusan England Tue 30-Apr-13 00:15:04

yeah and some people would still come up with ellen, susie or anna, rebekah rebecca

ZebraOwl Tue 30-Apr-13 00:28:45

I think you need to raise it with them: if they're so bonkers they'd kick off over that they'll do it soon enough over something else anyway. Break the habit sooner rather than later.

I have an incredibly unusual given name (though have encountered two small girls called it in the last couple of years) & was told by a (deeply DEEPLY unpleasant) member of staff at my nursery that it couldn't be my name, there was no such name, it didn't exist & it was very naughty of me to lie about my name. She continued to insist I was lying when I spelled my name for her & repeated the pronunciation & told her what it meant. Sadly this whole business (esp being made to apologise to me by Head of Nursery) made her very hostile towards me & she was Asked To Leave after she washed my mouth out with soap after a girl went to her claiming I'd said "the F word" (which I'd never even heard of referred to thus let alone the actual word!) when I declined to leave the game I was playing to go & play house with her. This would've been Spring/Summer 1987 as I started Nursery age 3, so not a punishment that was par for the course. But I digress...

Have spent my life correcting weird & wonderful mispronunciations & misspellings of my name & if your DD's at risk of having to do the same you should try to ensure that family, at least, are getting it right!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now