To think my mother/others are being unreasonable!

(38 Posts)
NotDead Sun 28-Apr-13 18:13:58

Hello,
I told everyone I talk to regularly that I was away this weekend. As it turned out i wasn't well, so didn't go.

Soo. I have 5 phonecalls, leaving progressively hysterical messages from my mother, one going on about how she worries and worries I might be dead.

I think FFS, this is the weekend I said I was unavailable! I have been in bed most of the weekend with the cold, and for some of that time didn't charge my phone - all this is reasonable no?

I didn't call back because this hysteria really annoys me - its like I'm 15, but I'm 40! I went back to bed. SHe has form, she used to constantly get keys cut for my sister's house without permission and just go in whether my sister was there or not, even (almost especially if) she had been asked and told not to.

Then I get a bloody ring at the bell, aggressive - EVEN THOUGH I SAID I WAS AWAY! then several more calls, including some from my dad. Again I didn't answer because I just want sundays to myself.

THEN i get facebook messages from a friend saying she wants to meet up - again someone I told for certain I was away. I talked to her for a bit, saying that no I was ill and didn't want to go out SHE then sends me message after message asking if I want to go out for food/come over and see her etc etc.

Its like what I said was invisible! I ended up saying to my friend 'I'll call you later if I'm up to doing anything. More bloody messages!

Am I being unreasonable to just not respond until I'm calm enough not to shout at them both? This has totally ruined my 'Me time' and I'm pissed off!

Euphemia Sun 28-Apr-13 18:17:15

You're lucky people care about you and want to spend time with you. YABU.

musickeepsmesane Sun 28-Apr-13 18:18:42

ssh, stop shouting. I am not in on MN YABU. Switch off all your gadgets if you want to be left alone. Though your mum sounds like a pain.

Well you could have just told them the once that you were fine and they would have left you alone perhaps?

NotDead Sun 28-Apr-13 18:23:24

Should I really have to respond within 15 mins to say i'm ok when there is no earthly reason why I wouldn't be??

pinkpaws Sun 28-Apr-13 18:49:20

Hi yes i know just how you feel sometimes i say i am working or busy just to get peace. Your mum sounds a nitemare . mine can be to .

pinkpaws Sun 28-Apr-13 18:50:22

Hi yes i know just how you feel sometimes i say i am working or busy just to get peace. Your mum sounds a nitemare . mine can be to .

greenformica Sun 28-Apr-13 18:54:45

FB is never urgent, you don't have to reply straight away. It's like email.

I think your relatives forgot you were away. Maybe one small text to all and sundry 'Was the holiday weekend but I'm ill in bed'

NotDead Sun 28-Apr-13 18:59:50

Hello, thanks, but even if they did, this panicky mental calling to see if I have killed myself or something is really annoying - I don't want to be in that box!

Surely it is perfectly reasonable of me not to call back for a few hours?!

I am sitting here thinking that she will call the police soon - hope she does they will tell her she is crazy.

Yes, your mum is a nutter. Its irrelevant whether she remembered you were away or not. What is normal with adult children is to phone, leave a message if they're not there, and maybe expect a reply in a day or so (unless you call every day of course - once a week phonecalls, or less often, is also entirely normal and reasonable).

I think you should leave it till 3am, and then phone you mum to say "yes I'm fine". And possibly phone back 30 minutes later to say "yes, still fine".

diddl Sun 28-Apr-13 19:11:14

So you told people that you would be away & not contactable?

And they don't know that you are ill in bed?

Or have they found out somehow that you haven't gone away?

GoodtoBetter Sun 28-Apr-13 19:14:29

I think you should leave it till 3am, and then phone you mum to say "yes I'm fine". And possibly phone back 30 minutes later to say "yes, still fine".
Ha ha! Yes! Do it!

psychomum5 Sun 28-Apr-13 19:22:32

turn it around and text/ring your mother every five mins and tell her you are fine, and then still fine, and then still alive, until she shouts at YOU to stop it as you are annoying her.

She might get the message it is highly aggravating (or maybe not...).

Ignore your friend. Tell her you are ill, in big shouty words on her FB, PM, text etc, then switch off everything you can except when ringing/texting your mum to irritate her.

And then take night nurse, sleep away your cold, and feel better soon smile

NotDead Sun 28-Apr-13 19:23:05

Oh FFS!!!! ARRGH!! I just checked emails and I got one from the house I work at!! She had bloody driven there to check whether I was there or not and started hassling the person I work for!!! WTF she has gone mental..

cjel Sun 28-Apr-13 21:01:47

Not dead - are you sure you're OK? shall I pop round later to make sure? if I don't hear from you within the next 15 mins or so I'll pop over any way.xx

TidyDancer Sun 28-Apr-13 21:06:45

I just think you could've ended all this just by letting her know you were fine. I don't see any real reason for you to perpetuate this.

Your mum might be overbearing, but unless you actually plan to confront her about this, it's pointless you continuing the silliness.

ryanboy Sun 28-Apr-13 21:14:40

* didn't call back because this hysteria really annoys me *

What a brat you are! Your parents are concerned because they have heard you were too ill to go on the trip and instead of just phoning them back and saying you had a cold, you 'led them, on' by continually ignore their calls of course they are going to worry!

PoppyWearer Sun 28-Apr-13 21:15:27

I feel your pain.

I spoke to my DDad two hours ago. He will still expect an email before 8am tomorrow morning or he will assume that DH, the DCs and I are all dead in our beds.

Bless them.

NotDead Sun 28-Apr-13 21:17:17

HOw can i have led them on? This was something THEY made up! what about before mobiles?? you couldn't call someone for hours if they weren't in their house..

MyNameIsLola Sun 28-Apr-13 21:23:58

YANBU!

I understand completely, my mother is like yours under normal circumstances but I'm pg ATM and get 10 texts a day at the absolute minimum to check I'm okay. If I don't reply within 2 minutes, she calls. If I don't answer (because I'm BUSY sometimes), she comes over.

We actually had a argument over it several weeks ago in which I told her that its just too much. She managed 3 hours without texting.

Nagoo Sun 28-Apr-13 21:25:31

Yes she's doing your tree in, but you need to confront this directly.

She's clearly got some proper anxiety about this, maybe you should be a bit sympathetic to that?

I realise it's a PITA but one text could have shut her up and you could have got on with your 'you time'.

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 28-Apr-13 21:36:13

Just a thought but normally (ie when not ill) are you a regular texter? Is it possible that the radio silence has unnerved your DM and your friend?

If this is the case then this might be a wake up call to reduce the texting.

Apologies if this isnt the case.

DH & I could lie dead in our kitchen, DM & DPiL probably wouldnt notice for a month. DCs would notice when we ran out of bread and milk (having spent days stepping over our bodies).

Fakebook Sun 28-Apr-13 21:40:47

This reminds me of the time I went to a work do straight after work once. We could bring families along too, so I picked up dd from nursery and drove straight to the pub in the countryside where we were meeting. My dad was living with us at the time and started phoning me at exactly 6pm. I ignored it because it was the first time in God knows how long I'd gone out somewhere and colleagues were playing with dd in the grounds so I could relax nicely. Then my sister started calling. Ignored it. Then my brother started calling. Ignored it. Then I started getting messages asking me where I was and why I hadn't got home yet. Each phone call and message was making me angrier and angrier. Finally, news of my apparent death reached DH (who'd conveniently forgotten I was going out). I turned my phone off at that point.

When I got home my whole family was gathered at my house and they'd been calling the local hospital asking about me hmm. This all happened in a space of about 3 hours. I was so angry. I still get angry thinking about that day actually.

OP, yanbu. You really aren't.

numbum Sun 28-Apr-13 21:42:49

I don't see why you couldn't send a quick text in reply to say you were fine but ill in bed (although a cold doesn't really warrant spending all weekend in bed surely?). The whole 'what did we do before mobile phones' isn't valid because we DO have mobile phones now

I do think her turning up at work was a bit OTT though!

MadBusLady Sun 28-Apr-13 21:44:06

YANBU.

If you text your mother to tell her you are ok but in bed with a cold, will the interaction progress to a whole new level of "I'll come round, I'll bring soup, when can I come round, why are you not telling me when I can come round, I'm coming round to kick the door down"?

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