AIBU to be scared of DHs accusation of assault

(24 Posts)
Tortington Sun 28-Apr-13 00:30:41

you should bring charges against your dh

Apileofballyhoo Sun 28-Apr-13 00:25:18

Hi OP sorry this happened to you. Just wondering if it's totally out of character for your DH. He sounds like he is having a breakdown or something. He may have actually felt under attack. It's hard to explain but people with high stress or anxiety can have the flight or fight response triggered very quickly. Think soldiers suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. I am not defending his actions by the way. You need to ensure safety for yourself and DCs. Just wondering what is behind your DHs extreme reaction and maybe he needs help with coping. Hope you get a good sleep and things work out ok. No need to be worried about police I'm sure.

Get some sleep. Dont worry. As long as you tell them the truth and ask for help, you should be fine.

LostAndBroken Sat 27-Apr-13 22:43:10

* so need some sleep

I'll try to post an update tomorrow. I feel so drained :-(

LostAndBroken Sat 27-Apr-13 22:42:09

Purple2012 maybe you're right and that the Police used the "breastfeeding mother" thing as an excuse not to arrest me as they were trying to be accommodating. They were quite nice (apart from telling me they should have arrested me). They stayed while I got our stuff together and left to go to my Mums.

Thank you for all your help. I feel less alone.

I'm going to sleep now as the baby stills wakes a lot, so I need some rep.

Thank you all.

LostAndBroken Sat 27-Apr-13 22:38:41

Thank you. I'm feeling much better.

LostAndBroken Sat 27-Apr-13 22:36:57

He told police he had the baby in his arms when I tapped him on the shoulder. But he didn't. He absolutely didn't. When he ignored me, I walked away and that's when he grabbed me. There would have been no time for him to put the baby back in the chair, get his arms in the straps, close the straps and then push me to the floor. So impossible that he had the baby in his arms.

Sorry what's WA?

Thanks

The Police will have seen domestic violence cases before where the perpetrator makes a false accusation to cover up their own abusive behaviour. They may be trying to protect you and calling you in to find out the true story. Tell them the truth, he assaulted you. Please phone Women's Aid.

MrsBombastic Sat 27-Apr-13 22:32:15

I would go to the police station, tell them your side of the story and tell them you are afraid of him and don't know what to do. They need to know. I would make a complaint against HIM, he threw you to the floor infront of your children, they need to know this.

Furthermore, once you have done this, go home, collect your stuff and either go to your nearest refuge or, go to your friends and tell him you want him out by XYZ time, tell him, if he does not go quietly YOU will call the police and have him arrested for domestic violence, then change the locks.

Purple2012 Sat 27-Apr-13 22:31:48

It means you will be asked to attend as a voluntary attender and will be interviewed on tape. There is a very high chance it will be no further action.

In all domestic assault situations the 'accused' is always interviewed, despite the wishes of the 'aggrieved' . This is because most victims of domestic abuse will not persue a complaint from fear. I know it is different in your situation but they can't know that.

You would normally have been arrested in this situation so at least the police are being as accomodating as they can.

Try not to worry. It will get sorted.

I agree you need to seek outside help.

LostAndBroken Sat 27-Apr-13 22:31:44

I did tell the police that he attacked me. But they made out like it was tit for tat. I'm not marked now, but will be bruised. My back bone where he pushed me in the floor. My 3 year old saw it and is upset with his father and scared I will "go to jail".

Xales Sat 27-Apr-13 22:29:29

I think this is unforgivable.

He attacked you, threw you to the floor, pinned you there, then called the police, lied to them and said you attacked him. Remorse doesn't cut the mustard on this one at all. He did this deliberately whether in anger or not.

They now have this on record even if he retracted his statement and you are going to have to be interviewed. Are you going to spend the next 5/10/15 years giving in to everything he says in fear that he will do this again.

I would be telling the police exactly what happened and not withdrawing any allegations.

I would then be talking to a solicitor/WA to consider my options.

Sorry you are going through this.

RedHelenB Sat 27-Apr-13 22:29:17

Did he have the baby in his arms when you "tapped" him?

mercibucket Sat 27-Apr-13 22:28:54

tell the police exactly what happened and dont be scared of the truth.

gordyslovesheep Sat 27-Apr-13 22:28:41

Yes because he attacked you sad

OnTheNingNangNong Sat 27-Apr-13 22:28:24

I suspect they want to interview you over his assault on you, never ever forgive him.

I'm glad you are safe.

Why didn't you tell the police he attacked you when they questioned you? confused

Are you marked?

You didn't attack him, I suggest you make a statement that he attacked you.

And I don't understand the 'breast feeding mother' thing the police said, sounds like utter bollocks to me.

gordyslovesheep Sat 27-Apr-13 22:27:45

Good - stay there and stay safe - he was abusive to you - in front of your kids - he may be sorry but he is dangerous - get advice, stay safe xxxxxx

LostAndBroken Sat 27-Apr-13 22:27:30

Why? Because he attacked me? Thank you for the link

LostAndBroken Sat 27-Apr-13 22:26:31

Thank you for your fast reply. I'm at my mothers with the kids

LostAndBroken Sat 27-Apr-13 22:26:03

Do you think he's being "tactical" and trying to get me a police record so he has a chance to take the kids for me?

gordyslovesheep Sat 27-Apr-13 22:25:20

please he is scary not his accusation

gordyslovesheep Sat 27-Apr-13 22:24:30

womens aid - now

LostAndBroken Sat 27-Apr-13 22:22:52

I was wondering if someone could help. I've posted this in legal matters too.

Due to lack of sleep (baby and toddler not sleeping well) and stress of DH's job we have been bickering a lot recently.

This morning we got into an argument: he insulted me, when I asked him to repeat what he said he ignored me whilst trying to get the baby out of the highchair. I tapped him on the shoulder demanding he listen to me. He ignored me, when I turned my back to walk away, he attacked me by throwing me to the floor, holding my wrists and shouting that this was self-defence (from what I'm not sure). I was wrestling back with him.

He then called the police and alleged that I assaulted him. They arrived and said that they should arrest me but wouldn't as I was a breast-feeding mother. They said they would interview me at a later date.

DH has since retracted this statement and signed an official statement saying I didn't do anything wrong and he was emotional and that he over-reacted.

However, the police still want to interview me and have offered me legal representation. They have said that there are no charges against me.

Apart from being gobsmacked at 'D'H's behaviour a d feeling emotional (let down, betrayed, broken hearted etc.). I'm worried about what this all means with regards to me being formally interviewed.

I've never had so much as a parking ticket so I'm devastated at the thought of this interview and what it means with regard to the future (what if I forgive DH and he does this again or I get in an argument over a parking space or something trivial and the police see "oh yes, Mrs LAF was accused by her DH of assault but it didn't go any further".

DH is incredibly remorseful and admitted he did this in anger and wishes he could put a stop to the process but can't.

Can anyone offer me any advice?
AIBU to be scared of this interview and what it means (even though I've done nothing wrong).

AIBU never to forgive DH?
Thank you. I'm sorry it's such a long post.

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