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to not feel guilty at all about not giving my friend a lift?

(68 Posts)
DaisyDukeShorts Fri 26-Apr-13 18:52:54

A friend who as soon as she got a boyfriend I never saw again, and when she had a baby I saw even less of her.

A friend who when I do rarely see never once asks about me. (I'm not asking for hours upon hours of talking about my life, but a general how are you? would be nice)

So when a friend invites us all to dinner at her house next week to celebrate a new job promotion and said friend sends a FB message out to all of us going asking for one of us to drive her there and back and I and seemingly everyone else ignores it.

Aibu to not feel guilty in the slightest?

OHforDUCKScake Sun 28-Apr-13 08:51:29

It also depends how old the baby is. If its 4 weeks old then I massively stand by what I said.

If the baby is more like 2-3 then thats a little different.

Fourth time OP, how old is the baby? Im wondering if you avoided that question for a reason.

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 27-Apr-13 20:46:26

I think that it all depends on how much the OP feels that she has been used by her "friend" in the past.

I dropped a "friend" because it came clear that all I was to her was a cheap taxi service.

LemonPeculiarJones Sat 27-Apr-13 20:42:44

It's not that you don't agree, Duck - you do seem to be overly emotional about the issue.

You did say,

yes it has touched a nerve. I mentioned before that I feel like Im in the OP's friends position

Just sounds like the OP's lift-requester wasn't a good friend to her in the past. Am presuming you consider yourself a good friend? Just because it's touched a nerve for you doesn't mean the situation is the same as yours. Just think you're getting a bit caught up in it all.

But I'll leave it to the OP now to counter your feelings/assumptions about it. If she's still reading that is smile

OHforDUCKScake Sat 27-Apr-13 20:05:25

I thought that Ineverfinish. Im surprised people are finding it attacking just because I dont agree with the OP.

Lemon I 'admitted' nothing of the sort. i havent dropped my friends, have friends who are pissed off with me, friends who dont want to give me lifts, nor want to see me and are writing threads about me.

i simply empathised with the OP's friend and dared to question whether the OP was perhaps being a little unsympathetic and from what I have read, a little immature.

Gibber I agree.

For the third time OP, how old is your friends baby?

GibberTheMonkey Sat 27-Apr-13 15:39:34

It does sound like you wanted a thread to just bitch about this 'friend'.

You obviously don't think you're being unreasonable to ignore her request and in fact that's all she's done, ask if anyone could give her a lift. Shes not hounded you or called you names for saying no. She's asked a simple question which you have chosen to ignore and believe you were right to so really no need for the character assassination

JennifersBody Sat 27-Apr-13 15:37:22

Duck back off a little bit ...

I am guilty myself of not having as much time for friends anymore. But I think here the OP is saying that she's tried with this friend and helped her out a lot in the past.

I think you yourself if you never bothered to text/call/or see someone in months, you wouldn't out of the blue ask them for a favour.

Perhaps the friend is trying to make an effort now, but it's not up to everyone else to go and fetch her and bring her back.

INeverFinishAnythi Sat 27-Apr-13 15:28:22

What a strange thread.
OP - AIBU?
Most people - YANBU
A few people - YABabitU
OP - NO I'M NOT!
Why on earth did you ask when you've already made up your mind? confused

LemonPeculiarJones Sat 27-Apr-13 15:17:46

Duck you've admitted you're completely projecting, as Unicorn says.

You can't really comment usefully due to that, it seems.

UnicornHorn Sat 27-Apr-13 14:29:41

Duck stop projecting your own issue onto the OP.

You are coming across terribly. Lots of people have told you this, yet you continue to hound the OP. Odd.

FeckOffCup Sat 27-Apr-13 14:26:26

OP YANBU to be a bit hacked off about that. In my group of NCT buddies we all try to get together every so often to stay in touch and there is one person who always does the same thing on the last occasion her exact words on facebook were "I want to go but I need someone to drive me home afterwards as I can get a lift there but not back again." I think if you want to go you need to make your own transport arrangements or at least ask politely and offer petrol money.

OHforDUCKScake Sat 27-Apr-13 12:41:39

'Excuse my behaviour' ?

Stop being emotional.

How old is your friends baby?

manticlimactic Sat 27-Apr-13 00:46:49

Fairweather friends - dump em

usualsuspect Fri 26-Apr-13 23:48:45

oh ok. do want you want then.

I cba with all the drama tbh.

DaisyDukeShorts Fri 26-Apr-13 23:44:42

Thank you maddening and Lemon

DaisyDukeShorts Fri 26-Apr-13 23:43:10

If you'd like to stir then please do Usual I guess you are bored on a Friday night and need some entertainment - I was driving her around for years before she met her partner. Before she met her partner she would breakdown in tears every time I saw her because she was single.

I spent hours in the bathroom with her at a party because she was so upset about being single.

Then she meets someone, I didn't see her for months. I only saw her once because he went away on holiday and she spent the entire day texting him.

I'm not "bloody unkind" - I just don't like being used. The only time she will contact me is to ask me to do something for her.

maddening Fri 26-Apr-13 23:41:21

well don't stress about it then op - it's out of your way to a point where you don't want to offer a lift.

the fact that you are posting in such a passionate manner indicates though that you are quite upset by this friend as otherwise it's a non issue - she inbu to ask if anyone minds giving a lift and uanbu to not offer - nor should you feel guilty - the only reason anyone would have a twinge of guilt is if it were on the way which it isn't - but you do come across as more upset.

it might be an idea to recognise that though and make a decision to let it go else you might not enjoy the meal due to her very presence - which would be a shame for you. You are in a good place now - it is sad that your friendship ended but you have moved on so don't give it any more headspace - you'll see her at the party - exchange some small talk - she might see that she lost a good friend but it's too late. It's a pity but what you needed from your friendship isn't what you got so it's over - that is just something that happens.

have a lovely time at the party :-)

DaisyDukeShorts Fri 26-Apr-13 23:37:53

Well that explains it.

If your friends are so amazing and understanding then it shouldn't have touched a nerve.

I haven't drip fed at all, I elaborated on what I wrote in the OP.

I have a child, I know that time becomes precious. But what I also know is if you want people in your lives and to do favours you expect from a friend then some effort has to be made on your part - otherwise pretty soon you'll find yourself very lonely.

At least two people have agreed with me that all you've done is hounded me, and clearly taking something out on me that is your own issue. It has been nothing but passive aggressive comments and spiteful responses.

If you want to excuse your behaviour because this is "AIBU" then do so.

LemonPeculiarJones Fri 26-Apr-13 23:34:56

Nah. You were OTT DUCKs But you know you're projecting due to your own experience.

OP has made it clear that her 'friend' was self-absorbed, never asked her about herself etc, then dropped out of her life as soon as she found a boyfriend. Is that what you did to your friend? If not, then you don't really have a point.

usualsuspect Fri 26-Apr-13 23:34:51

it wouldn't hurt to give her a lift would it?

why are people so bloody unkind.

OHforDUCKScake Fri 26-Apr-13 23:34:28

DaisyDukes how old is your friends baby?

OHforDUCKScake Fri 26-Apr-13 23:31:01

Drip, drip, drip.

Lemon no not drunk, but yes it has touched a nerve. I mentioned before that I feel like Im in the OP's friends position.

Jewcy I am by no means hounding the OP. Im simply not agreeing with her and God forbid seeing it from her friends perspective.

The last time I checked we were in AIBU.

Ive not been insulting, Ive not been sweary, Ive not been drunk (!), Ive not been bitchy or ragey. Ive simply been replying to the OP.

DaisyDukeShorts Fri 26-Apr-13 23:27:35

wrt trophies relationship

??

I don't have pent up fury Second ... I just don't appreciate passive comments implying that I'm a bad friend.

I definitely am in a better place now. Finally moved on after a bad relationship and other bad things, and have started a new job and doing something so my child can be proud of having me as a mum smile

Jewcy Fri 26-Apr-13 23:23:40

OHforDUCKScake, why are you hounding the OP? I agree with Lemon: you have a serious axe to grind.

LemonPeculiarJones Fri 26-Apr-13 23:20:47

OHforDUCKScake your posts have been a bit weirdly frothing. Are you pissed? grin Or has this really touched a nerve for you or something?

OP YANBU to not give her a lift. You're not responsible for her and it sounds like she hasn't been there for you in the past.

TheSecondComing Fri 26-Apr-13 23:13:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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