I wrote a few days ago about mil & sfilncoming to stay and beeding some detachment sentences, they want to pay for ds private school, we don't want him to gothere - no after school care among other things. they want to pay for private school and nanny so he gets to go there.
Out for dinner tonight and it came up, did the 'thanks for the offer but it's not right for us' a few times and tried to change the subject, didn't work. Sitting across from me, she turned to h 'well, what about buaitisi working full instead of part time, can she do that' I started answering obvs as it was about me, she interrupted me and started asking dh 'have you thought about that, getting buaitisi to work full time, that's a solution for you to think about'
I just started laughing and said 'you can ask me, I'm right here, the public school is right for us and ds'
I know I can't change her behaviour, just my response but she drives me up the wall and I need to vent.
Another thing that's annoying me - dh,d and I are going to my home country for 6 wks over xmas, fil (mil's exh) his wife and bil are going to meet us there for a week from US where they live. Bil is 40 odd and fil & smil have said they'll get his flights. All fine so far.
mil hears about this, decides to offer to pay for bil's flights as 'I can't really trust that my exh will come through for him' 
the trip had fuck all to do with her, she hasn't seen or spoken to fil in 20 years but she just has to control it.
'now, buaitisi will you give me the dates when you know and I can start pricing flights,keep me updated and who will pick bil up from the airport?'
of course, this is all when dh isn't around as he can't stand her talking about his dad or brother but if I say it to him he'll think I'm trying to make his mom look bad 
sorry for the long long post, not really expecting replies jut an outlet for my annoyance.
AIBU?
need to vent...mil
buaitisi · 26/04/2013 15:24
She just sounds like she's trying to control everyone. Do tell your DH as if he has any sense he will know and should say something. You should also both tell her it is your family not hers plus, make sure you aren't left alone with her. We make sure DS's don't go into the kitchen alone with mine ('something' always comes out on the way home about whatever she's trying to interfere/get round us on) and when she's in super negative/interfering mode DH knows not to leave my side whilst she is there. 
Disclaimer: I hung up on my MIL last week so may not be best placed to advise. That said, seems to have improved her behaviour and FIL seems to have newfound respect for me (think he's glad someone told her what he doesn't have the guts to).
Just keep reminding yourself that she isn't going to win. She can say what she likes but it won't change the fact that you have made your decision, as a couple and as parents and she won't get what she wants.
It must be doing her head in. Think on that and smile sweetly.
Tell her that you'd love to enjoy a family holiday in the Caribbean for a month, thank you very much!
As long as you stand together as a couple there is nothing that she can do, you only have a problem if your DH backs down and from what you say that isn't going to happen. So now you've vented go and have a cup of tea.
from someone who has had many a run in with the mil, but sadly hasn't had the benefit of any financial offers
Justforlaughs, a family holiday in the Caribbean would have to involve them and apart from everything else they're just really boring company. Everything they've ever chosen is the best and imagine, some people have not taken their advice! Pull up a chair and let them regale you with the story of how the man down the road could've chosen tiles like theirs but didn't and.........it doesn't look as good! 
They've been here 2 days and I've heard that story 3 times. They're not even old, late fifties.
Atthebottom, I really like your suggestion, going to try and use it. Do the distracted thing already a lot, I'm sure they think I'm a dope, or become really interested in what ds is doing. Putting laundry away takes me aaages, prob cos i sit on the bed and read instead.
My dh and I are on the same page on the school issue because practically it wouldn't work but a lot of other issue we're not as he thinks it's just that she's generous to a fault.
For example, she was asking about health insurance. We hadn't chosen yet. She said 'I'm going to choose for ds health insurance, I'll know what's best for him'
I said 'no mil, thank you but we're ds' parents, that's our job, we know what's best for him'
She said 'well I've already done all the research'. Sad and hurt look for the rest of the night.
Dh later gave out to me for snapping at her and wanted to let her do it.
Charleroi, at the beginning I did that and I was very grateful to have such generous inlaws but I've come to know every 'gift' comes with a set of conditions to let her have a say in our decisions and a presumption they'll be involved.
She gave my BIL some of the deposit to buy an apartment in the US, she now has contacted the residents manager and got him to send any emails regarding the apartment to her. Her name isn't on the lease. She's said he's not allowed smoke or have pets in the apartment, she didn't like what he chose so she 'helped' by choosing and buying all his furniture.
I realise it's his fault for letting him but she really thinks she's bought the right for some (most of) control over it now.
If I was on mumsnet when we got married there would've been many, many threads on the wedding. The only thing we let her pay for was invites. We had both my native language & English on, she took my native language off 'there's no need, everyone knows English' & completely changed it.
One of her emails started with 'let me explain to you again why my way is better, maybe you're being too sentimental about your language'
In fairness dh had a word then cos I was so angry
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