To demand a night off after ten years?

(26 Posts)
clairemagnolia Fri 26-Apr-13 11:33:46

My children are 10, 7 and 3.5. I haven't had a night away from them in all that time, except when the two eldest went to stay with g'ma and g'dad - but I still had the baby to look after.

The youngest is recently completely weaned (she's been having bedtime feed only, but dropped that this month) and since then is taking absolutely ages to fall asleep. She doesn't cry, just fidgets about in her bed, with me next to her, until 1 or 2 in the morning. This has been going on for a couple of weeks now and I'm really suffering. My (estranged-but-still-living in the same house) husband is offering no support. I feel that the only way to make him take some nighttime responsibility (which he has never done, even when they were newborns) is to just not be there and make him get on with it.

Obviously, there are other issues, but quite simply I feel that I just want to get an early night before I go completely do-lally. I know he will accuse me of child abandonment, because that's what he's like, but I also feel that that is an unreasonable accusation and I need to start standing up for myself.

Any thoughts most welcome.

clairemagnolia Fri 26-Apr-13 17:40:45

Thanks for all the posts, lovely to finish work and find them all waiting!

To clarify, dd sleeps in her own bed, but the only way I've found to get her to sleep is to lie down next to her for as long as it takes. This isn't a problem in itself, just that it used to take five minutes and now it takes 1.5 hrs or more!!

We have a slightly unorthodox routine generally as my kids are home-ed and because I often work in the evening. Their usual bedtime is around 10.30pm, which is when the older two take themselves off with a book and when youngest would fall asleep. I can cope with this as we don't have any particularly early starts, everyone was getting enough sleep, but now not getting to my own bed till 1 or 2am is driving me crazy!! I realise that it's a stage, that I've been very lucky not to suffer from sleep deprivation long term (thanks to combining bf with co-sleeping), but I am just feeling very frustrated that estranged dh has rarely taken on any nighttime stuff and hasn't supported me at all while I've been weaning the youngest in the last few months. As an example, last night he left middle dd2 to get dd3 to sleep and went to bed, so in the end I had to deal with it.

I must say in his defence, that he can be a good dad, but I've noticed that he cherry picks all the fun parenting stuff and leaves the more mundane tasks to me. There are so many other issues, obviously, which is why I need to get out of the marriage, but me feeling so tired this week has just meant that all my frustrations on this one particular issue have come to the surface.

In the medium term we will be separating, but there are a few things I need to sort out first and I'm seeing a solicitor next week.

So thanks for all the support, I emailed him explaining how I felt and saying I would be staying elsewhere tonight in order to get a good night's sleep, to which I got a one line acknowledgment. Let's see how he copes...

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