To think ' bin dipping' is a fkin disgrace.

(101 Posts)
chosenone Wed 24-Apr-13 21:17:06

A personal vent /rant whatever. I am so embarrassed to even mention this to anyone in RL . My brother has long term drug issues and until recently we were not speaking after he stole and pawned my jewellery, for my parents sake we are, albeit it strained. I saw him earlier with a bag over hos shoulder and wearing gloves so pulled over toask what he qas up to.
He was being shifty so I asked him if he had stolen goods. He then admitted he had a bag of stuff from waitrose bins. He aopened his bag and he had shepherd s pies, cold meats and youghurt s. I made it clear I was disgusted and he said it was desperation that drove him, and he reckons another dozen to ' bin dip ' he said greggs is a other good spot. I said normal people would spend their money on food not drugs. He tried to justify hi.self. He also raid ashtray s for baccy and finds himself dimps. I have spoke to my parents and they have their head firmly in the sand, they know what he is but theres nothing they can do. NothingI can do either he Iis 35, single and has not worked for over 3 yrs. Its frustrating, disappointing and disgusting all at the same time.
We live in an affluent tourist town and it seems my brother is part of an underclass who think bin dipping and dimp hunting are normal. His ex gf used to get all her clothes from bags left outside charity shops. Ffs It was so much easier havi g zero contact.

HumphreyCobbler Wed 24-Apr-13 21:27:48

the bin dipping thing is a bit of a red herring OP, isn't it? Isn't the issue that you are deeply fed up with the mess your brother is in and that he drags you into?

I am sorry for the stress you are under.

usualsuspect Wed 24-Apr-13 21:27:57

The sheer amount of wasted food in this country is as fucking disgrace.

Raspberrysorbet Wed 24-Apr-13 21:27:58

Pret A Manger give any left over food to homeless charities at the end of the day - would accessing that be 'disgusting', OP?

TobyLerone Wed 24-Apr-13 21:28:11

I'd rather see people using 'waste' food.

YABU.

diddl Wed 24-Apr-13 21:29:17

I think that it's more of a "fkin" disgrace that he stole & pawned your jewellery tbh.

Serenitysutton Wed 24-Apr-13 21:30:08

I understand why you're so upset, it must be get hard to see your brother like that. But he's addicted to drugs and you can't apply you standards to him. His life is shit enough tbh, I doubt raiding a bin even registers. I hope one day he will get the help he needs.

AndBingoWasHisNameOh Wed 24-Apr-13 21:32:39

I can get why you're horrified. However compared to his drug use and stealing, taking food that has been thrown away out of a bin is the least of his issues.

chosenone Wed 24-Apr-13 21:33:54

Yes I see what you mean in terms of waste and need and freeganism. However this is someone who chooses to spend his cash on drugs, he injects amphetamine and has a weekend off his head, comes down and is skint. Picking other people's fag ends up to re use is disgusting.
I prefer having nothing to do with him, out of sight out of mind etc but my parents have been v distressed, I took him to court last year when he stole of me. But yes at least he is stealing....yet. To be honest when his payments go monthly I will be surprised if he lives much longer! A months pay on drugs up his arm would finish him for good. Maybe that is what the government are hoping for.

GreenEggsAndNichts Wed 24-Apr-13 21:33:57

What's dimp hunting?

I think getting good food out of bins isn't nearly the disgrace that the fact that the food is there in the first place is. (holy hell that's a bad sentence, sorry)

The problem is ofc that he's using drugs and can't afford to feed himself.

Main issue with freeganism is that people don't always leave the bins in decent order when they're done, so shops start locking them up or doing other things to discourage people.

diddl Wed 24-Apr-13 21:38:16

Even if has been thrown away-is it theft?

My bin is on my property & in theory at any point before it is emptied I could decide that I want something back out of it!

Maryz Wed 24-Apr-13 21:40:23

Your brother is an addict.

Either accept that, do what you can for him practically (giving him food if appropriate) and support your parents who will be finding it very difficult to cope with.

Or don't see him.

You sound as though you are more embarrassed by his bin-dipping than upset by the fact that he is throwing his life away, which strikes me as very odd.

chosenone Wed 24-Apr-13 21:40:48

No I am not prissy or pius or up myself. But I do belive that addiction is the problem yes. His addiction has torn are family apart and I see no happy ending. It is hard to love and support and addict you know, by their ature they are self pitying and manipulate or worse incoherent mumbling messes.

Raspberrysorbet Wed 24-Apr-13 21:43:32

So deal with that OP - that ripping apart that addiction does, primarily to the addict. Don't be superior and embarrassed by the symptoms.

chosenone Wed 24-Apr-13 21:44:00

No I have spent years upset and yes I still am. However it is embarrassing to see your brother like that, people comment about himto me. He looks weird, big hollow eyes and a slack jaw, when people talk about him I am beyond sad but Iits still embarrassing too.

chosenone Wed 24-Apr-13 21:45:52

Btw ....dimp hunting is usually done in the dark, fag ends on floors ashtray s outside pubs and houses etc

Maryz Wed 24-Apr-13 21:48:35

Oh, and don't ring your parents to tell them all about it. Of course they have their heads in the sand - they are very sensibly deciding that they can't change him until he wants to change himself.

It will be even harder for them than for you, so sympathy would be better than ringing them to rant about where he gets his food.

HumphreyCobbler Wed 24-Apr-13 21:49:39

Honestly OP, if I wanted to let of some steam I wouldn't post in AIBU.

I see that it is upsetting to see your brother rifling through bins for his meals, and that it represents a life thrown away and a family left in turmoil. What a terrible waste of a life. sad I am not surprised it sometimes makes you angry with him too. I just can't imagine really.

Maryz Wed 24-Apr-13 21:50:03

And I'm not unsympathetic by the way. I understand this is probably the last straw for you sad. But it isn't the worst thing he is doing, so don't let it upset you. Put it out of your mind and only help him practically when you can.

Don't emotionally exhaust yourself by worrying about it when there is nothing you can do.

LessMissAbs Wed 24-Apr-13 21:51:10

YANBU. I think anyone would be pretty devastated if their 35 year old's brother's life consisted of feeding himself from bin leftovers (as opposed to having a job and his own money).

Yes, isn't "bin-dipping" wonderful and great for the environment, but would you seriously be happy if this is what your close relative had to do to survive? Or would you like to live like this yourself, if you think its so wonderful?

imour Wed 24-Apr-13 21:55:17

rather he bin dipped than stole from some ones house if he was my brother , i would try and get help for my brother than just slate him on here ,you just seem bothered that you are related to him not that hes got problems or why , god help you if you ever get into any sort of trouble one day , what goes around and all that .

aldiwhore Wed 24-Apr-13 21:55:23

There's two (or more) issues here:

The bin dipping, not something I'd do unless desparate but I have a few eco friends who've done this at one time or other, mostly they were NOT addicts, but disgusted with the amount of waste generated by supermarkets... there's was a fair point, but I was never going to join them.

Addiction causes everyone pain and YANBU to feel angry at your brother. My own brother's behaviour used to make me rage, because I knew it was due to his various addictions and NOT HIM, and I found it hard to listen to his shit when he tried to explain why he did it, always skirting around the truth that actually, the way he behaved was because he'd never afford to actually live normally AND feed his addiction.

I raged.

It also broke my heart.

It's a horrible situation to be in and there is nothing you can do but wait on the side lines until your brothe is ready to help himself. Then, all of a sudden you must cast aside all that angst that's been building and be supportive and positive when all you really want to do is throttle the thoughtless bastard! And it is crucial that you cast your own feelings aside when the time comes.

My brother is happy, clean, working and fishing these days. We have a good relationship. I have forgiven him, and myself. It's a crazy life.

YANBU to feel the way you do. I went through a period of time of HATING people who wore petuli oil!! All of them! I didn't require a reason, but it was because his girlfriend who was his dealer's ex (the ex paid child maintainence via drugs... you get the picture) soaked herself in it. A lot of the rage is irrational. But it's all understandable.

Therefore YANBU. I sincerely hope you one day get past the rage and can be happy, I clung on to my rage for a long long time because the alternative was gut wrenching heart break and sorrow. x

seriouscakeeater Wed 24-Apr-13 22:01:05

Op I can understand your frustration. I think its the bigger picture your upset with also and I think so other posters can see that too.

When people have an addiction it wraps its fingers round them until all dignity has gone out of the window and family's ultimately pay the price too.

You obviously still care about your brother that's why you still have these emotions.

Alas you cant do anything about it as he doesn't seem ready to want to get better.

seriouscakeeater Wed 24-Apr-13 22:03:03

aldiwhore good post

chosenone Wed 24-Apr-13 22:04:50

Thankyou.
Some of you clearly have experience of this and aldiwhore thankyou for your story. You have hit the nail on the head. Imour belive me I have tried to help it has been over ten years on and off. He has had a couple of drugs councillors and went in the army for a bit. I think our relationship changed when he robbed my jewellery, wedding and engagement rings from exDH. He denied it, helped look for them and only admitted it when my dad got involved. THAT is probably the issue. I will try and bury it for my parents sake.

Footface Wed 24-Apr-13 22:07:28

Hi op, I often think that the addicts family are forgotten about, and are put in such difficult situations.

I do feel for you. I have a relative who is an addict. It's hard to watch them tear the family apart, and the anxiety and fear the rest of the family feel. Particularly when it's long term and different rehabs have been tried.

The ripple affect is massive. I think on situation like this you just have to detach from the person, but support your parents.

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