To not want DP's ex to fly halfway across the world to visit him?

(155 Posts)
SlumberingDormouse Wed 24-Apr-13 13:25:57

A bit of background though I want to keep this short and relatively unidentifiable - we've been together a year; he was with her for a year from 2010-2011. She broke up with him after she cheated multiple times, lied to him about having a terminal illness, borrowed hundreds of pounds off him that she still hasn't paid back, etc. She then emigrated. Since she moved to Oz she has kept in touch with my DP even after we got together. She posts private jokes on his FB wall and tags him in pictures from years ago so they show up as most recent! All very annoying and we have argued over it, but I've snooped blush so I know for certain there's nothing more going on. My DP is lovely, almost too nice sometimes. He worries about hurting people. I have however persuaded him to take a harder line with her and he has now successfully got back some of the money she owed him. But now she wants to fly back and visit him! I don't think it's likely to happen as she has no money. But if it does, I really don't want him to see her. I think it is inappropriate as we are serious (discussing getting engaged) and she continues to try to manipulate him. AIBU?

DontmindifIdo Fri 03-May-13 08:08:37

Be very wary about moving in with or pushing your relationship forward with this man for a while (I'd say at least another year), because as AF says, it wasn't a no-brainer for him, he had to be told, repeatidly by you why this wasn't acceptable, and in the end had to think he was going to lose you and be forced to chose between you - he didn't chose to end his contact with her because he wanted too, he chose to end it because he didn't want to lose you. While that's great that he wants to be with you more than being in contact with his exP, it doesn't mean he was ready to cut ties with her, and that is something I would allow time to check if he's fully emotionally committed to your relationship - because as of 24 hours ago, he wasn't (still being slightly emotionally committed to his previous relationship).

Doubtfuldaphne Thu 02-May-13 20:27:35

She needs to give your man the money - not spend it on a bloody plane ticket!
She must know he's a little soft so is thinking she can still mess him about - he must take a stand and preferably delete her from facebook.

AnyFucker Thu 02-May-13 20:00:51

It was a no-brainer for him ?

Come on love, if it wasn't for us you would have this woman in your boyfriend's house any day now, wearing your perfume and slagging you off

Get real

SlumberingDormouse Thu 02-May-13 17:51:51

She can be pissed off all she likes, but he has made his choice and in the end it was a no-brainer for him. He told her that she can of course visit the UK any time she likes but she will NOT be welcome and will not be seeing DP, his family or me as we have all moved on.

CalamityKate Thu 02-May-13 15:01:58

She's not going to be happy and I bet she won't give up without a fight.

GlassofRose Thu 02-May-13 10:23:12

Glad for you OP, but be careful that you don't end up the woman who "made" him cut off his other woman... be the woman who is wanted not chosen because you're worth more.

ladyjadie Thu 02-May-13 08:21:15

So glad for you Dormouse. Now you can go on holiday with a light heart and have a bloody good time!

SlumberingDormouse Thu 02-May-13 08:12:28

Aww thanks. I couldn't give a damn about being a 'cool' girlfriend anymore. I tried it in the past and got royally shat on from a great height (with a different 'D'P). I need to do what makes me happy and be honest with myself and him about that.

NotTreadingGrapes Thu 02-May-13 07:54:30

Roaring Lion. <gets beasties all confused>

NotTreadingGrapes Thu 02-May-13 07:54:05

And now change your MN name to GrowlingLion.

Have a nice holiday!

AnyFucker Thu 02-May-13 07:15:49

Thank fuck for that

Now you know what to do next time you feel the slightest pressure to be a "cool girlfriend" don't you ?

MyPreciousRing Thu 02-May-13 07:11:47

Awww that's brilliant! You can now go away with a clear mind.

Well done for standing up for yourself. Remember how good you feel now and be like this the next time a thorny issue arises in your relationship.

Onwards and upwards flowers

SlumberingDormouse Thu 02-May-13 06:51:47

He has! I just checked. He has also (or maybe her, who knows?) deleted some wall posts that bothered me. I am thrilled with how our conversation went last night. I basically said, 'I thought I was ok with this but I'm not. It's making me really unhappy and I cannot carry on with this relationship feeling this way.' He said that he was extremely sorry he'd upset me and that he'd do anything to rectify the situation, including cutting her out of his life. So I said that it was his responsibility to tell her that they can no longer be in touch as it's not my problem. And now he's followed through. I'm still going to be vigilant but I really feel like I've got through to him now. I am not willing to put up with feeling like his second priority and he knows that.

I am so glad I stood up for myself. Ultimately, if he hadn't respected my feelings then he wouldn't have been worth it anyway! Thanks for all the great advice on here; it was the wake-up call I needed.

MyPreciousRing Thu 02-May-13 06:43:23

Result!

Let us know when he has done it <nosy bastard emoticon>

StuntGirl Thu 02-May-13 00:16:27

Bloody hell, its about time. I hope he means it and actually starts putting your relationship first now.

LittleMissLucy Thu 02-May-13 00:06:06

Excellent - well done!

SlumberingDormouse Thu 02-May-13 00:04:41

He's agreed to block, delete and cut contact. YES!

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Wed 01-May-13 23:07:20

Look, if you're going on holiday with a friend and not your boyfriend, that says a lot. Unless you have a lot of money and can afford multiple holidays, that is.

grin at AF

AnyFucker Wed 01-May-13 22:52:32

Indeed. And this bloke's cock will accidentally fall into her vagina.

MyPreciousRing Wed 01-May-13 22:46:37

And what's the betting that the loopy ex rocks up in the UK whilst OP is away?

MyPreciousRing Wed 01-May-13 22:44:10

stop moping around like some sort of Jane Austen Wet Blanket grin

That's fabulous.

OP, she's right. Decisive action (by somebody, for the love of God) is long overdue.

Take the holiday and take a time-out. Hopefully your DP will use this time to get his ex out of his system and subsequently your lives.

Keep us posted, good luck and bon voyage.

I hope you have a good holiday. I would use it as a chance to take a good break from him. Don't bother contacting him.

When you get back, just find out what he's done re. the ex.

If it's more of the same, then I suggest you dump him (and treat him like shit too, because that's what he seems to enjoy.)

AnyFucker Wed 01-May-13 20:19:57

Decide ? What more is there to decide confused

Squitten Wed 01-May-13 20:07:59

Oh for goodness sake OP.

He blocks her on FB. Click of a button. Done.
He puts all her documents in an envelope and send them registered mail to Australia. Done.

What is all this messaging nonsense?! Why are you both stringing this out so much longer than it needs to be? Is there some reason that he cannot do those two very very simple things?

SlumberingDormouse Wed 01-May-13 20:03:28

I know I need to act. I'm so glad I'm going on holiday tomorrow with a close friend and not DP so I can get away from this and decide what to do next.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now