To regret booking this holiday? (intense dread)

(112 Posts)
MarmaladeTwatkins Wed 24-Apr-13 12:41:46

Basically, we've booked up to go to Florida with some friends for 10 days in September. We booked it last September.

My friends have three DCs, 12, 7 and 3... and since we booked up, the three year old has become really horrible. I know it's bad form to slate kids off on MN but I find him really unbearable. He comes to my house quite often and trashes the place. Crisps stamped into carpets, drinks thrown around, pulling cat's tail, hitting me, hitting his mum, helping himself to food... I know that this could be typical toddler behaviour but my friends just let him do these things. No parenting, no discipline given. They'll happily sit and watch as I am on hands and knees picking up soggy cakes from under sofa or trying to get him to stop tormenting the cat.

I don't think that we are in for a relaxing ten days. I am starting to wish we'd never booked up. Is there a way we can get out of it? AIBU?

L8tlyK8tly Sat 27-Apr-13 15:10:18

In my experience this is the third child syndrome! Any of my friends with three children seem to have put all their energies into producing two lovely, well behaved children and then number three comes along and they let them away with murder (I am one of three - not the third - and it was true of my family too). Not that that is much consolation to you: I have been on holiday with friends who do not discipline their DC -it is a tough exercise in maintaining an impassive facade - I found the trick was to try to spend a certain amount of the day OUT of the holy terrors company. Wine worked too. wine

whosiwhatsit Sat 27-Apr-13 14:46:26

Save up, look for a bargain rate, and go for a weeks cruise out of Miami or Ft Lauderdale in the middle of the holiday to break things up. Best of all if you ave the nerve you could ask your friends to look after your dc during that time and just go with your DH shock. To be honest they would probably then be the ones telling stories about the awful friends they went on holiday with!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 27-Apr-13 13:44:50

I am not under-estimating the power of a toddler to disrupt and bug everyone but am now thinking he will be out-numbered. Does your DH normally see that child 'in action'? I often found a few stern firm words from an adult they weren't familiar with often brought an unruly guest to heel.

Plus enforcing a few house-rules every time he and his mum visit might sink in by the time you go.

Seems a shame to dread a vacation. I'd also lay it on thick about how massively independent and mature your DCs are and prepare for separate activities occasionally so you're not compelled to always go places en masse.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Sat 27-Apr-13 12:53:53

marm - you need to take action or it will be the biggest waste of money and holiday ever. And it should be FUN, not dreaded.

Maybe invite them over for coffee to discuss holiday plans - and make it clear that you will be doing your own thing some days, that their kids are their responsibility. Be assertive, not passive, you have a choice here - shit family holiday or fun holiday.

MarmaladeTwatkins Sat 27-Apr-13 11:38:29

No, no update.

Am just letting the dread consume me sad

<wonders how easy it would be to conceal 50 litres of gin in suitcase>

Dubjackeen Sat 27-Apr-13 00:16:37

Any update OP?

Hissy Fri 26-Apr-13 22:20:45

do you happen to have any friends you don't like very much, and don't mind losing? Offload the holiday to them?

Cherriesarelovely Fri 26-Apr-13 22:12:04

Heartfelt sympathies to you Marmalde. Love your name btw! Can you actually get out of it and not lose your money? If so I really would. I honestly cannot standto be around horribly behaved kids and ineffectual parents like that, I used to be all understanding and tolerant but after suffering many years of it with some(now ex) friends I snapped!!

The thing is even though the grown up thing would be to talk about it with your friend people don't tend to take things like that very well do they?

JaxTellerIsAllMine Fri 26-Apr-13 21:51:29

marmalade you need to get out of this NOW, you will be left to parent, feed, look after and generally left to get on with it, while THEY holiday and you skivvy.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 25-Apr-13 13:26:13

Oh God, Donkeys. The times I have had to stop that child from running into roads because one of them is looking at their 'phone, I've lost count...

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 25-Apr-13 12:21:40

We went on holiday when DD1 was about six mo with friends whose son was 6 wk younger...our DD was treated like she was 18 mo older, expected to be 'quiet' while they did their Gina Ford routine. We didn't drive then so shared a car...everything geared round the sleep routine, we couldn't get away...I still break out in hives thinking about that holiday...they wonder why we won't commit to a long week with them now. We go away for short breaks but it's still substantially driven around their kids needs...

OP I would not judge you for trying to extract...

OhLori Thu 25-Apr-13 12:16:54

I hope you can extricate yourself from this one OP, another vote for cancelling or re-arranging things.

mrsjay Thu 25-Apr-13 10:17:17

they are getting married jeez hmm

Yep it was indeed MrsJay DP and I plastered on smiles for a fortnight and talked incessantly to try to stop them arguing. They couldn't let a single thing go and constantly point scored. They get married this year confused

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 25-Apr-13 10:00:40

Good old Marmalade let's go to her house I can relax whilst the kids can trash the place while we sit back and watch.

Good old Marmalade let's go with her on holiday I can relax whilst the kids can trash the place while we sit back and watch.

Some parents just have a convenient parenting off switch whether it's visiting family or friends or actually on holiday. Someone else will see to their bratty kids. Romping unchecked through the airport or ferry terminal, haring across busy roads, running beside the pool when they can't swim, leaning out of moving car windows unfettered by seatbelts, nothing's going to happen, we're on holiday, wheeee!

I second trying to establish some kind of new rules before you go away and do your utmost to sit elsewhere on the plane. Wave goodbye to the accommodation deposit because you won't see it again. Prepare your liver for the anaesthetising barrage of alcohol.

mrsjay Thu 25-Apr-13 09:49:37

oh god will that must have been a tad awkward shock

You have my sympathies, I second the separate cars. DP and I went SC in a villa 3 years ago with another couple before any of us had kids. Having one car and being out in the sticks meant that when they argued all day every fucking day we couldn't escape as they'd come with us and argue in the confined space of the car. Never ever again

sandyballs Thu 25-Apr-13 09:23:23

Whoops

sandyballs Thu 25-Apr-13 09:22:50

God what a nightmare, lets hope he changes a bit by then!

We went away with friends with similar aged kids to ours a few years ago. It was stressful to say the least just due to different expectations and ways of parenting. Their kids were hugely embarrassing in restaurants, allowed to get up and down from the table, charge about, occasionally running back to grab a handful of food hmm. Then they'd sit under the table, these weren't tiny kids either, prob about 7 or 8. Their parents just used to smile and say what a lovely time their kids were having, implying mine weren't because I made them stay sitting at the table.

Never again, we are still friends but have never been away again.

sandyballs Thu 25-Apr-13 09:18:42

God what a nightmare, lets hope he changes a bit by then!

We went away with friends with similar aged kids to ours a few years ago. It was stressful to say the least just due to different expectations and ways of parenting. Their kids were hugely embarrassing in restaurants, allowed to get up and down from the table, charge about, occasionally running back to grab a handful of food hmm. Then they'd sit under the table, these weren't tiny kids either, prob about 7 or 8. Their parents just used to smile and say what a lovely time their kids were having, implying mine weren't because I made them stay sitting at the table.

Never again, we are still friends but have never been away again.

firesidechat Thu 25-Apr-13 09:03:26

My daughter and her husband went on holiday to Florida with friends. My daughter has no children and the other couple had one. Lets just say that they are no longer friends.

mrsjay Thu 25-Apr-13 08:57:42

It is ok to tell him off you know his mum might be really miffed about it but you can say stop or no to him

Dubjackeen Thu 25-Apr-13 08:49:53

Agree re damages/ deposit.That is another reason why I think it is better to start making it clear now that you don't tolerate his behaviour. Better to have this sorted before the holiday.

TheRealFellatio Thu 25-Apr-13 04:14:28

Yes I was going to say be careful about any damage to the house - make sure if he does anything you point out immediately to the mother that if there is a loss to the deposit it is her problem, not yours! Don't sit back and say nothing or she'll try to say 'how do you know it was my boy and not yours?'

If he stamps cake into the carpets and otherwise trashes the place - you will all lose the security deposits for cleaning.

Might be worth telling your friends?

Frankly I'd be livid. Can't stand it when children are allowed to trash other people's property.

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