AIBU or do I have to just put up with this? MIL related

(129 Posts)
Pinkflipflop Tue 23-Apr-13 19:46:09

MIL is going to help with childcare when I return to work so I know we are very lucky. However despite the fact that I am 33 and by no means a spring chicken MIL treats me like I don't really know what I'm doing with my ds.

Example
He's 11 weeks and was talking to my dh about starting him Farley rusks now as 'a little taste' despite me stating that he will not be weaned until 6 months
She is going to stop medication prescribed by the GP for my ds as she doesn't think he should have it
She tells me to hold my ds differently to how I am, e.g. If he facing away from me and well supported she'll say oh turn him round
She stands over me when I'm feeding him and just watches, which I find so annoying.

He has really dry skin on his face and it's itchy, so I use the babygros with scratch mits as I don't want his face scratched, I came home today with a big old bleeding scratch on his face. I asked why the scratch mits weren't on and she said she was afraid his hand would go deformed hmm. I tried to say look there wouldn't be scratch mits on the babygros if there was a danger of this but, no I'm wrong.
I know he will get lots of bumps and scratches in his life but I was very clear that I didn't want his hands scratching his face. FWIW I always allow him to use his hands to touch and explore and feel but then I cover them up again. I'm rubbish at trimming his nails, so I know the scratch issue is partly my fault.

I'm probably very PFB and my ds is only 11 weeks. I was away for 2 days on a work course so that's why she was with him.

I'm worried about how ill feel towards her when I go back to work (she will be doing 1 day a week). I really don't want my wishes ignored.

Do I have to bite my tongue? She said to my dh today that she has had lots of children so she knows what she is doing but she hasn't had my child before!

How do I get around this without falling out? I would never be disrespectful to her as my dh adores his dm and I adore him iykwim?!

Sorry for the ramble!

Jux Thu 25-Apr-13 11:36:32

My MIL was like this. Ignored medication prescribed by the doc, threw home cooked food away in preference to jars when dd was being weaned, put her on a feeding schedule when dd was fed on demand etc etc etc. it seemed that everything I said, she did the opposite.

DH would only allow family to babysit, which meant my mum or MIL. It was a nightmare. i hated every minute that MIL babysat. I'd get home from work to a screaming baby, who hadn't been fed (I only fed her a few hours ago! She's NOT ON A 4 HOUR SCHEDULE you stupid woman ), nor had dd been changed, she wouldn't have had medication when required etc etc etc.

Get proper childcare. DH and I nearly divorced over MIL's crap babysitting.

MiaowTheCat Thu 25-Apr-13 13:38:20

You have two choices really:

You either read the riot act that she will NOT be having your child if she continues to behave this way (will get you flack from MIL and hubby)

or

You find some other source of childcare where you can call the shots by virtue of having them by the short and wallets (will get you flack from MIL and hubby)

Either sucks really but letting the current situation continue isn't an option - she's going to bulldoze her way through your child's entire childhood and you'll feel like shit as she does it and be worried all the time you're at work. That's really not a good long-term state of affairs to live in.

I have a bit of a steamroller MIL - she's bulldozed her way through the first year of DD1's life and it's been awful - dreading family visits and being unable to sleep, sitting in the same room as her feeling so angry and resentful, her bodily shoving me out of the way to get to the baby... and because it was allowed to run on, until she crossed a couple of lines of utter unacceptability in my eyes, eventually it led to the row to end all rows between me and hubby (she decided to show up uninvited on the day I was discharged from hospital with DD2 and bully hubby into letting her see the baby - we'd asked for a week or so's breathing space before granzilla arrived and undermined all my confidence - but she suddenly was "just in the neighbourhood" that must be a good 14 hours plus driving time from her house... that, plus blaming me for the fact I don't go full-term with pregnancies, was the catalyst for it all to blow up - but the resentment had been grumbling because it WASN'T nipped in the bud, and because hubby had the view I wasn't allowed to criticise his mother at all and it wasn't pretty).

DontmindifIdo Thu 25-Apr-13 13:41:44

CautionaryWhale - I get what you are trying to say, but while if you are the parent weighing up if you want to give your DC something that's been prescribed by their Doctor, if you are not the parent of said child, it's none of your damn business to make this choice! Especially as, not being the parent, you have no right to access any of the information that has led to this child being prescribed this medicine.

It doesn't matter if the MIL wouldn't chose to give this medicine to her DCs, this isn't her DC. It's the OP's and her son's DC.

Your post suggests you think the MIL is right to put her own judgement about if a child should be given medicine above that of the parents of the child. Anyone who thinks their views on childrearing should trump that of the parents and medicial professionals is not someone who should ever be left in charge of other people's children - regardless of if they are a paid professional or a grandparent/other extended relation.

BerylStreep Thu 25-Apr-13 17:19:29

When do you plan to go back to work? Is this a decision you need to make immediately. If not, you could sow some seeds of doubt - 'Oh, I haven't decided yet what we are going to do'…

If you are taking a full year, don't spend the whole time worrying about it. And don't use MIL for ad hoc care in the meantime.

If she stands over you while you are feeding, excuse yourself to another (private) room.

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