ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
Why is this bugging me? Am I just being a dick?(199 Posts)
DP's mum knows someone who works at Wimbledon and gets given four free tickets each year for the centre court. She keeps two for herself and gives two to DP.
Yesterday DP told me 'no offence' but he was really wanting to take DSD and not me. Then suggested we buy a ticket for me so I can join them.
But the only way to get a ticket now is to queue up from 6am and even then I'm not guaranteed to get the same tickets as them. I'll probably be in the ground courts while they're in the centre court.
I suspect I'm being stupid but I'm really pissed off about it and feel quite hurt. AIBU?
I would be pretty P'eed off if my DH wanted to use a Centre court ticket on a 5 year old rather than me TBH. He can always do something else special with his daughter, something that she may actually enjoy a lot more.
You could look at it this way: he's an ace dad, which is a really good point in his favour if you're ttc.
YANBU. If she had been 15 I could have understood it but 5? It seems like a wasted ticket to me. Will she not be bored having to sit there for a long period of time and would she really understand what is going on?
I think YABU, sorry. I'd be impressed that he was prioritising her and wanted to spend the day with her and do something special. Presumably she has been through her parents separating and he wants to make her feel important. Maybe it's not so much about who will appreciate the tickets most, as that he doesn't want her to be the one to feel left out. He sounds like a good dad and that should bode well for you in the long run.
Is the little girl his DD or your DD or his DSD from a previous relationship?
Sorry but totally lost the plot [dim]
All sounds a bit odd and YANBU - I'd be seriously pissed off too. No way can a 5 year old get enjoyment from this. I should imagine it'd be torture for her unless she's a tennis child prodigy and you've not told us that bit?
YANBU. He's being pfb. If you're ttc then you could have a baby this time next yr, it could be the last time you'll get to go with him on your own.
Told him i was a bit miffed that i was automatically excluded. He said he sees it as we as a family have been given two free tickets and now we just need to find an extra one. Which isn't strictly true since when he first told me about it he made it clear that the tickets were his and DD's and I needed to find one for myself.
Anyway he thought I was being a bit over sensitive and we dropped the conversation.
Then about an hour later he piped up out of nowhere: 'I think what I'll do is get up really early and go and queue for a ticket for you, then you and DD come and meet me once I've got one'.
I thought that was a nice thing to say. Even though that's what he should've suggested in the first place rather than making it seem like he was excluding me. Which is what it felt like.
That sounds great OP. he can look after a bored 5 yr old while you have a seat to yourself and can sit with a drink and watch the tennis in peace. you can meet them up in between matches etc.
Poor man! He's seems like a really nice Dad and is now going to get up especially early so neither of you miss out - id cut him a bit of slack.
YANBU OP. I'd be telling him where he could stick his joint house-buying if he excluded me from a day out with him. I just wouldn't stand for it. I expect a man to treat me better than that.
If the DSD were a teenager, into tennis and hadn't been last year, then of course YABU. But that's not the situation.
Its such an odd thing to plan way in advance doing with a 5 year old anyway. Very sort of high profile. Sounds like a big thing he can mention as if he has made some sort of great sacrifice or gone to great effort to organise it, when his DSD would probably enjoy a day in the park or something similar more.
YANBU, I would feel hurt too. DSD would probably prefer a day out to Peppa Pig World instead.
We're only talking about it this far in advance because his mum has to confirm with her friend this week which days to get tickets for.
I wouldn't have had a problem with it if he hadn't said in the first instance that he considered the tickets for him and DD and I was the 'spare'.
He's backtracking now and suggesting big gestures like going to queue for me. I think he can see now that the way he handled it was a bit hurtful.
It depresses me a bit that he didn't employ any foresight. He was so hung up on making sure DSD got to go.
He didn't literally say I was the 'spare' btw. That's just what I inferred from the way he approached it.
Glad it has been resolved but I think you need to really think how you react to things in future or you end up getting resentful of your DP and his kids. Unless you are very lucky things like this will always happen from time to time. There have been dozens
hundreds of similar threads on this forum. Blended families can work out brilliantly but the adults need to be very 'adult' about everything.
Do you think that DP's Mum wanted the tickets to go to her son and her granddaughter rather than you? That would be
sort of understandable although, a little thoughtless
Yep, agree with LittleMissAbs. The least he can do is queue for you OP. Hopefully in the future he'll consider you're feelings properly from the outset.
Glad he is trying to sort it out but I'm surprised that his first thought wasn't that this would be a good weekend for his daughter to go to her mum's and he go with you. I wouldn't have wanted to take a 5 year old to Wimbledon. He isn't really thinking of you as a couple at the moment. The queuing at 6am idea doesn't sort out the fact that the 3rd ticket may be nowhere near the other 2.
If his daughter was a teenager or older child really keen to go I could understand him thinking of her first but i would have expected his first thought to have been about taking you and arranging child care for his daughter.
He sounds amazing - definitely a keeper. I think that YWBU but he has come up with a very selfless solution. Hope you enjoy the day
See that's so interesting Rebecca2. DP just cannot countenance doing anything like a day out at Wimbledon without DSD.
The idea of just the two of us having a treat to ourselves would be completely alien to him.
For example, if we were to win a romantic week in Paris, he'd be reluctant to go because it would mean missing four contact nights with DSD. I can imagine in that situation he'd probably buy her a flight and bring her along to share our room.
Any hint of my disapproval and he'd get upset and think I was trying to get in the way of him spending time with DSD.
what really stand out for me is
two for his parents
two for him and HIS daughter
now - you have taken the defensive stance and are broaching thisin a kind of 'why is he chosing the DSD over me? she went last time' which is a very stompy child way of looking at it
your not incompetition with the DSD - I know on a rational level you know this.
however - consciously or not - your dp has put you in that situation
its like HIS SIDE of the family AGAINST you! which I bet suits his mum down to the ground - oh what a jolly day they will have without you taking her sons love
That's not on.
TBH in your situation - i'd tell him I wasn't over sensitive, and that he needs to demonstrate to the outside world that you hold a priority in his life - that HE engineered this stupid situation without discussion ( in itself ODD considering the commitments you are both making)
and then I would chuck my TTC calendar at him - phone up a friend and go to spa for weekend, and get plastered.
If there is ONE thing, that I would love all women to know it is this...If you make yourself happy - they come running to you. If you whinge, and dote and nag - they love the feeling that they are wanted and treat you like shit.
Can he not change his contact weekend with his daughter? if he can't then I can understand him not wanting to miss a weekend with her as usually my ex and I are flexible about which weekend we have the kids (and now they're older they usually decide as long as it fits in with us). If my ex had something arranged and couldn't swap the weekend I would not go to something rather than not see my kids or make them feel unwanted. It sounds as though it didn't occur to him to give the tickets to you either though and he does see you as an add on.
Not all parents get to have or choose to have much one to one time. Some people choose to prioritise their children. While I think it is healthy to have one to one time, it is not unreasonable to put your children first and to want to spend time with them. In this instance, it looks like he has seen that perhaps he should have tipped the scales a bit more in your favour but perhaps you need to understand where he is on the spectrum of having his daughter with him as much as possible within the shared care arrangement he has and if you are comfortable with that. From what you said, you do get some time alone together, make the most of that rather than analysing the time he does spend with her.
OP it doesn't seem black and white to me, but what I would say is ignore the ridiculous poster who keeps saying that he isn't in to you. I can only imagine the high-maintenance, whingey stirrer she is in real life! So not helpful!
OP don't you and your DP do anything as a couple just the two of you?
I really don't get parents who insist on taking their DC everywhere even when it's not a child centric event. You need quality time together as a couple.
Sheesh, when you are this far down in the pecking order, why on earth would you want to ttc with him?
It's not a badge of honour, it's flipping hard work being a parent. It's also a permanent link to someone, regardless what kind of man he is Oir isn't. He may be an UberFather, but he's clearly lacking inthe partner department. He's not going to take any more notice of you just because you gave birth to a child. In fact, it could get worse if judging how his priorities are atm.
I'm sorry, he's not into you enough. You need adult time, or this relationship won't make it.
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