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To be sad my friends think my hen do will be 'boring'

(154 Posts)
oopnorthlass Mon 22-Apr-13 09:41:49

I probably am being unreasonable, but anyway....

I'm getting married next year and have been discussing my hen do with a couple of friends and they've both said (in a jokey way, but in a way you can tell they're telling the truth) that it sounds 'boring'.

My plan was to rent a cottage somewhere, with a hot tub, then spend a couple of nights and days just hanging out. There would obviously be lots of wine and champagne involved, and I'm going to organise classes like chocolate tasting and a day at a spa. I was thinking of pub lunches, nice restaurants and just generally a relaxed weekend.

I know the tradition is to do the whole L-plates and drinking in clubs thing, but that so isn't me! Strippers and naked butlers make me cringe! I've been to loads of hen do's where this is what the hen wanted, and have joined in etc. But for my own hen, am I being unreasonable to want to do what I'll enjoy? And what do I do is no-one wants to come?

Just to note, it isn't a money thing that will prevent friends coming. And, also, I'm the last of our group of friends to get married, and the only one without kids, so I think some people are seeing this as a 'last hurrah' type thing.

sad

HeathRobinson Mon 22-Apr-13 10:09:28

Are they trying to tell you that a weekend is too long, do you think?

Greenkit Mon 22-Apr-13 10:09:34

Sounds ace and exactly the sort of thing you will enjoy.

One of the ACF Adults did this for her hen do, it was in the new forest had a hot tub, got there friday night and had Chinese, then sat we did a 'high climb' thing which was brilliant, then paint ball for the afternoon a BBQ Sat night with drinks in the Hot tub and Sunday was just relaxing.

It was my first 'girly' holiday ever (and im 42, I have a sad and lonely thread going) I thought it was amazing.

Scoobyblue Mon 22-Apr-13 10:09:44

It sounds like bliss to me. This is your hen do - do what you want to do.

FoundAChopinLizt Mon 22-Apr-13 10:11:01

Haven't read the whole thread, but your hen idea sounds perfect to me. Ignore everyone and just do it.

ATJabberwocky Mon 22-Apr-13 10:11:10

That sounds lovely, do what you want to do smile

diddl Mon 22-Apr-13 10:11:27

I do think that for a weekend you're going to be hard pushed to please everyone for all of the time though.

It maybe does depend somewhat on who is paying.

Lancrehotpot Mon 22-Apr-13 10:11:47

Ah that sounds amazing; I am very envious. They really are being rude! My hen do was organised by my single, party-loving MOH and it was very boozy and silly. I really don't like Blackpool and would have much preferred a quieter one, though it's my own fault for not speaking up.
You should have what you want; it's your celebration. Just call it your 'pre-wedding pampering weekend' and never refer to a hen-do againgrin

TheSecondComing Mon 22-Apr-13 10:12:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YoniYoniNameLeft Mon 22-Apr-13 10:13:42

Actually, a city break sounds good! Cocktails, restaurants etc that's my kind of thing - I would resign myself to getting my eyebrows plucked or something if you really wanted the spa thingy.

<<reminds self that she's not actually going>>

My mum and sister tried to get me into the whole L plates thing on my Hen night. It was cringeworthy! I hate that kind of thing and refused but they made me wear a tiara with a veil (which I wore begrudgingly for a couple of photos and then took off) and they bought willy straws! Willy straws, FFS!

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 22-Apr-13 10:13:44

I've been on plenty of hen weekends where a cottage has been hired somewhere pretty and we've spent the weekend having a spa day (love a spa day), go karting, afternoon tea, shopping, doing a dance class and playing drinking games. It's great. I thought that was normal for a hen weekend. One of the nights has always involved dinner and clubbing, mind.

oopnorthlass Mon 22-Apr-13 10:13:56

Thanks so much all! Will take your advice and make sure it's affordable, make sure there's a nice mix of activities and chilling out, and make sure everyone knows what to expect beforehand.

And make sure no-one arranges for a stripper to come to the house, AAARGH! grin

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 22-Apr-13 10:16:39

I forgot to say, I hate the L plate and veil thing, I refused to have one on my hen. Your hen weekend sounds great.

MyDarlingClementine Mon 22-Apr-13 10:16:40

If your in Matlock would be lots of lovely walks and stuff in the Peak District you could do, it sounds GREAT to me btw, I loathe L plate things.

To be honest, it does sound exceedingly boring.

February is cold and uncomfortable for the outdoors. You need good boots, thermal base-layers and wind/water proofs. Lots of different clothing to pack. I usually spend both October and February half term hill walking, so know the drill.

The hot tub is a cliche, and that in itself would make me decline. Why should 5-6 girls sit in a hot tub together and drink champagne? Bleurgh.
Spa? Yes, fine, great for one day. Chocolate tasting, come on, what am I, 7?

I am sorry, but it seems like you have built the hen around an idea of a cottage, and then desperately tried to work out what you could possibly do. It sounds forced to me.

I rather go to on a capital break with museums and fine dining. Whether it is London, Lisbon, or Seville, or Dublin.

JedwardScissorhands Mon 22-Apr-13 10:20:23

You might think money isn't an issue, but just because they could afford to pay doesn't mean they are prepared to waste money, and a whole weekend, on something they won't enjoy.

I think the 'bride's choice' argument is fine for a night out, but not for something as big as a weekend away. It's a little self-absorbed, really.

DontSHOUTTTTTT Mon 22-Apr-13 10:21:10

I would prefer just one night, and I wouldn't like organised activities at all. confused
I would like the cottage and the wine/champagne. smile
A big walk or bike ride then a long boozy pub meal sounds really nice.

OP, put me down if they're not up for it smile

ben5 Mon 22-Apr-13 10:24:43

so if your friends don't want to come can I join you? Sounds lovely sitting around chatting and you also mentioned chocolatesmile.

birdofthenorth Mon 22-Apr-13 10:25:05

What you describe is almost exactly what my friend has planned for her hen next month, although she dies have an outdoor activity on the Sunday. Her dad died recently and she's in no mood for karaoke and strippers and tbh I think all guests are relieved and really looking forward to it (not least me as I just gave birth & can dip in and out if this sedate hen between feeds!).

Do it your way and enjoy!

Jins Mon 22-Apr-13 10:25:20

I agree that it's up to you what you do but I do sympathise with your friends a bit. I would be finding excuses to avoid a spa day which I hate and 'classes' aren't my thing either.

I don't think it sounds boring. It does sound a bit pre planned. I've been on corporate get to know each other days along those lines

It doesn't matter what we think - can't you talk to them?

It will play on your mind unless you do. It might be your friends are worried you will regret not doing something else (which it sounds like you won't!). Or it might be that a weekend is a very long time and they wish you'd gone with an evening, or whatever. But just get back to the people who've said it sounded boring and ask them to tell you honestly if they have reservations about it and what they are. I'm not suggesting you cancel plans, I just think it will continue to bug you unless you ask them.

hairtearing Mon 22-Apr-13 10:35:14

Are you having a few nights out in between? you can have a night out without it being a stripfest!

VelvetSpoon Mon 22-Apr-13 10:35:56

I had a massive falling out with a friend over her hen do, so much so that (apart from a brief convo at her wedding) we haven't spoken since. She decided (influenced by her DH to be's friends) that she would go for a meal (to a horrible themed restaurant in the arse end of nowhere) and a spa day also somewhere miles away. The restaurant sounded crap and would have cost me well over £100 to get there and back, the spa day was £150 pp, plus my travel again would have been another £60. I couldn't justify the cost for something that (restaurant) I would have loathed and (spa) that is not my cup of tea at all, because I can't swim and hate people touching me!

She said I was ruining it because I wouldn't go (despite the fact another 20 girls would be there) and if I was a real friend I would have sucked it up.

What I should have said was if she was a real friend she wouldn't have expected me to dance to her tune, but I didn't. She later told another friend that she wasn't surprised I refused to come because my only interests were getting drunk, snogging randoms and generally behaving like a slut hmm. You can see now why I don't speak to her any more!!

OP, I am SURE you won't be like that. You should do what you want, it's your hen do but accept that not everyone will want to do the same thing, and some people might not come - tbh that will be the case whatever you do, you can't please everyone!

I'd tell them never mind and go somewhere nice and hot for a weekend with OH, like a really posh hotel in Spain or Italy.

hairtearing Mon 22-Apr-13 10:37:54

Aw you old grumps I like sashes and tiaras, I am having one night of a meal early evening and then hit the clubs for a good time, sometimes I think a weekend is too long.

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