Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

OH Godchildren

(49 Posts)
skincaid Sun 21-Apr-13 22:21:12

SIL has asked OH to be GP to her DC, but not me, his wife?

Angelico Sun 21-Apr-13 22:43:22

I don't know anyone who has asked a couple. We certainly didn't.

ArabellaBeaumaris Sun 21-Apr-13 22:43:57

Don't think that's true, mmelindor - you agree to take a spiritual interest. They don't become guardians if you pop your clogs.

WorraLiberty Sun 21-Apr-13 22:45:36

No, the idea is that you look after their religious/wellbeing and welfare.

They have no legal rights whatsoever so if anything should happen to the parents, they may not even be able to continue doing that.

Rosieres Sun 21-Apr-13 22:47:02

Usually there are 3 GPs, 2 of the same gender as the child and one of the opposite. For our children we chose friends rather than family - family already have a role to play in their lives (e.g. aunt/uncle/etc). My DDs godmother is in her 50s and single, has no brothers or sisters (and therefore nieces/nephews) of her own, and plays a big role in DDs life. DP and I don't live near family, so DDs godmother is like family to us, and there is a lot of mutual support there.

BrienneOfTarth Sun 21-Apr-13 22:50:49

I think it's an anglican vs nonconformist thing. Many of my social circle are christians of various types and as a rule in nonconformist churches it's relatively normal to have the godparents be one "couple" plus one "single friend" whereas in anglican circles it is virtually unheard-of for any two godparents to be a couple with one another.

OP what the GP duties are depend heavily on how religious the parents of the child are. Your duties will include some or all of the following depending on how seriously your friends want you to take it:

* providing a not-too-extravagent extra prezzy at christmas and birthdays to make the pile bigger
* helping the parents to attend to their child's spiritual welfare as they grow up - talking to them about God and sharing your own faith
* helping to guide the child towards discovering a faith of their own
* being a non-judgemental listening-ear during tricky adolescent years - and a kindly well-known adult that the child can turn to if they have a problem thay they don't feel able to talk to parents about
* being willing to (if asked to) make the child a part of your own family if disaster strikes and their parents, your friends, both die before they are adult.

MmeLindor Sun 21-Apr-13 22:52:36

No, sorry. I worded that wrong.

You don't assume parental responsibility, but you do promise to continue to be a presence in their lives, and to look after their well being.

BrienneOfTarth Sun 21-Apr-13 22:53:14

x-posts re: that last point - I don't believe that being a god-parent gives you any legal rights or responsibilities, but it isn't unusual for godparents to be named as guardians in the Wills of any parents who are organised enough to get around to writing one.

skincaid Sun 21-Apr-13 22:57:31

Thank you BrienneOfTarth.

Normal. DS has my sister and DH brother. Dd will have dsis fiancé and DH's dsis in law as godparents.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 22-Apr-13 03:54:02

PFB's godparents are my best friend and DH's best friend. We each chose a person. Perfectly normal.

PSB's godparents are a married couple - for a variety of reasons, but mainly because we're both very good friends with both of them. This is the more unusual set-up.

trinity0097 Mon 22-Apr-13 05:39:56

My god fathers wife was not asked to be my godmother, it's not the norm to ask the spouse as well. It's kind of assumed that they would help though if needed!

imour Mon 22-Apr-13 08:36:30

agree with worralliberty its a pile of bollocks , gp means nowt .

PrincessOfChina Mon 22-Apr-13 08:46:31

Another one here who doesn't get why you'd have family as godparents. They're already your aunt/uncle/cousin etc. I find it really odd.

In a godmother twice over. I don't believe in God and the parents know that, and chose me regardless as they want me to play a big part in their daughter's life.

megandraper Mon 22-Apr-13 08:50:30

DH and I have 6 godchildren between us - only one of them has us both as godparents. It's unusual to ask both halves of a couple, I think.

TiredFeet Mon 22-Apr-13 09:01:54

I think it would be unusual for both people in a couple to be asked to be godparents, certainly you shouldn't be offended.

I too don't understand why you would choose people who are already family. To me, it was a way of recognising the important part our two close friends we picked had already taken in Ds's life, almost making them honorary family. and in doing so hopefully there are two extra people who feel able to take an interest in his welfare (which they would have done anyway)

Chocoflump Mon 22-Apr-13 09:04:31

Think it's a bit rude to say its 'weird' having family members as god parents. Maybe some people have no one else to ask. My sons is my cousin and my partners best friend, my daughters is my aunt and my step father. I don't have any close friends.

fluffyraggies Mon 22-Apr-13 09:08:58

Worra - grin

It is a load of bollocks really.

My DH is ''god parent'' to his 9m old nephew. DH openly has no belief in god. Big flashy christening, half a dozen other fellow un-religious god parents all 'renouncing the devil' along with him. The family is about as religious as my cat! But all the godly stuff is trotted out as soon as one of the blokes in the family wants to join the Masons, or one of them chooses a pretty local church for a wedding. It makes me die all the serious faced 'oh yes - we've joined in with worship for the last 6 weeks 'to get to know the vicar' hmm

I was originally asked to be god parent to the nephew, along with my DH, btw, but it transpired that because my parents didn't feel the need to christen me, i am rendered unworthy as GP material and was promptly dropped form the service grin So you're not alone OP.

(MIL on the christening day - nudging me in the church and hissing ''come on, come on love, stand up there with us all anyway'', bless her cottons. I didn't though. Afraid of bringing thunder claps down on church)

Same here, we have 5 god children between us, only one has both of us. None of our DCs godparents are couples, all are one half of a couple.

DeWe Mon 22-Apr-13 09:45:09

Brienne, I'm Anglican and I wouldn't say that at all. What I'd say is that typically a couple is asked if they are both close to the parents, but if only one is close then just that one.

All of our dc have one couple and one single (but married). We didn't plan it that way, just the people that were obvious to ask each time turned out that way.

One of the Godparents said that her duties were three Ps.
Presents
Post
Prayers.

Jenny70 Mon 22-Apr-13 10:50:12

We have done this, partly as the "blood relative" will always have a special bond with their niece and nephew, so nominating them as godparents is unneccessary (to me). Their partner is also the uncle/aunt, but naming them godparent gives them a particular, special role in that child's life.

We don't take godparents to mean raising our child if we were to die, but a moral counsellor whose responsibility it is to take an interest in the child and be their mentor if the child is going through difficult times (ie. divorce, they would step in to make sure the child had someone to talk to outside the parents, failing exams, struggling with life ambitions etc).

My DH is my niece's godfather, and I was delighted he was asked to be her mentor etc, I thought of it reflecting well not only on him, but me too, as I brought him into the family etc.

I'm sure no offense was intended - we nominate 2 males & 1 female for boys and 2 females, 1 male for girls - so sometimes not possible to ask the couple together, as the numbers don't exactly work - in fact we never asked couples as godparents, always one or other.

Astley Mon 22-Apr-13 13:31:56

I wouldn't dream of asking my siblings spouses. What if they break up? I would only ever pick, and have only picked, blood relatives and very long standing friends.

To me, GP's are really important and I'm not going to pick someone becuase they are married to my brother. No way.

gotthemoononastick Mon 22-Apr-13 14:27:31

DH's goddaughter lost her father when she was eight.He took a special interest in her education and religious milestones.He took her to a special dinner by herself every birthday and made the speech on her 21st.She brought boyfriend to be vetted before her engagement and he walked her up the aisle,and made the speech.They are not related.We have 3 children of our own,but this was special for this girly and my DH.You never know how important this duty might be....

skincaid Mon 22-Apr-13 14:45:12

Thanks for the replies everyone, it's helped me understand more about whats involved as we're not religious. I wasn't christened myself as my DP's agreed it would be my choice, if that's what I wanted, and DH and I have agreed the same for our own 2 DS's. Obviously there's lot's of different opinions on the matter, everyone has a right to their own choices.

Spuderoonerism Mon 22-Apr-13 15:02:35

Due to having a tiny family (no aunts, uncles, cousins) I always considered (and indeed refer to) the spouses of my god-parents as my god-parents (and where this was reciprocated between my folks and my god-parents) their kids did the same. To my mind it's the same as the utterly artificial distinction between nieces and nephews over who is the actual (blood) aunt/uncle. I always refer to DH's nieces as my nieces/our nieces and I never think of them as just his, the same with our god-children (I think DH has more than me but they're all one big set as far as we're concerned).

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now